newsweek.com:
Polyamory--relationships with multiple, mutually consenting partners--has a coming-out party.
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Report back a year or two from now and tell us how this polygamous relationship is going; or should I say where it went.
They can hide behind whatever name or explanation they want, but it won't change the fact that they are either polygamous or swingers.
I have no religious or moral objections, but these kinds of relationships just do not work.
Having gone through the 70s, all I can say is this is just a rehash, but hey if it makes people happy, then fine. Back then, two other girlfriends and I basically passed around one boyfriend for years. He would move from Colorado to New York and back and forth. We used to joke about it, but then again, none of us were "attached" to the idea of being with him or vice versa. He was a great guy, well read, funny, smart and well, he finally married...and of course, we didn't hear from him again. Oh well.
Keep on seeing the world through the eyes of repressed people. Just think about the history associated with relationships and ownership -- in the western world. Women are treated like property.
There are vast amounts of people world-wide and certainly throughout history (not in the recorded histories of oppressive people) that practice varying forms of this type of relationship.
Real love is limitless in its expression and requires all the Real ingredients: patience, understanding and selflessness.
Those who criticize believe me lack some fundamental experience with ... well REAL love, affection and passion.
Its funny these are the same people who contribute to over 50% divorce rate in this country.
"Yeah... I love my wife", so they say... when she is around and is taken notice.
New? More like the newest recycled trend. Wasn't this like episode 1 from HBO's Real Sex series?
This isn't a trend: It's simply natural. How many billions are on this earth, yet somehow the prudes think t hat they can only fall in love with 1 person amongst all of them? The odds of that are staggeringly overwhelming against.
Fact is American prudism is one of the biggest epidemics in this country.
To each their own... what consenting adults do is of little concern to me but I hope that this "new" polyamory works better for all parties than last years version or the version of the last decade or 25 years ago....
I turn 50 this year and I've known a number of people over the years who were involved in this lifestyle and I've never once known it to work without hurting one of the partners involved. I've listened over and over to the glowing explanations and superiority of the lifestyle choice and then I've listened a few months later as the same friends talk about trust and unfairness and betrayal. Human nature being what it is, there's often one partner who is completely into it and another who was talked into it.
I've been married for 29 years and neither of us have ever felt a need/want to go outside of our marriage and we've both been able to keep our relationship exciting and fresh and fun so I think I'll let this trend pass me by. :)
its a wonderfully high minded ideal that slips into chaos when basic human nature of jealousy and competition emerge.Someone will be slighted or favoritism will create an unbalance in a situation in which of all parties being detached enough to never suffer the indignities of human emotion is paramount.
Not that I would be happy with either scenario, but I actually think I'd prefer a husband who occasionally cheated on me with a one night stand (of safe sex) than have him in a serious relationship with another woman.
For instance...what if me and his other partner were to become devastatingly ill at the same time? I realize this is an unlikely scenario, but I am married and I like knowing that if something happens to me or my husband, the other one of us will be completely devoted to their care and rehabilitation. I work in a cancer hospital, and when you have a very ill spouse, it is a full time job to support them both physically and emotionally.Or what if I got cancer and his partner got pregnant at the same time? Or vice versa? If you have two partners and they both have equal need of your time and devotion, how do you possibly compromise?
I feel like polyamorous is the kind of situation that, for me at least, would only be able to function when times were good. But I could not imagine sleeping alone feeling miserable or sick or scared or hurt and knowing my husband was off in another woman's bed when I needed him there with me.
But if other people can work through issues like this and be happy, whatever. It's not my business.
You say you'd rather have someone cheat on you with a one night stand. That is, until it actually happens to you. You will be singing a different tune then.
This is hardly new. Isn't this what a lot of collectives did in the sixties? If these groups aren't asking for any legal recognition, then why are the religious right getting their white hoods in a knot? The only legal problem I would see is property rights. What happens after a partner dies?
This is disgustiing.. then again so is ga y marriage..
And ugly, narrowminded bigotry!
I feel the same way about this as I do with gay marriage: if thats what they want, let 'em have it. Anyone who gets upset about it is obviously miserable in their own love life and needs to feel superior by bashing other types of relationships.
It just doesn't work, my husband and my girlfriend alternately compete with each other and then gang up on me. There's only really one time when it's good being in the middle.
Sunny, it just sounds to me as if there aren't enough people involved. What you have is a threesome, not true polyamory. Get some other men and girls involved, for heaven's sake. If you're going to do it, do it right.
It doesn't matter how many are involved, three or whatever. Polyamory is simply more than one.
Polyamory isn't about group, indiscriminate, or non-consensual sex. It literally means "more than one love."
It's about unlimited, unconditional love, not about one night stands or "swinging."
Then it's not polyamory you're in.
In a true polyamorous relationship, none is greater than the others. You make it sound as though they are both vying for your attention, when in a true polyamorous relationship, they would be equally seeking out the attention of each other.
It's not just narcissism, not totally at least. There's also the half of the group made up of the completely insecure.
1 group of people can't make a relationship with one person work. These are usually Type-A people: boisterous, charming, extremely pursuasive or pushy. They want what they want and they'll get it no matter what.
The other group of people don't like to say 'NO', don't like to disappoint the one they're with. They'll put up with higher-than-normal levels of abuse, all for the sake of being with someone, or specifically, being with the person they're trying to be with.
Narcissist person says "I can't be happy with just one partner."
Insecure person says "I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy so I can be with you."
Not to paint with too broad a brush, but let's be honest. People making these poly relationships are failures at stable relationships between two adults. Trying to claim that having relationships with multiple people at once is more, or better, or whatever the excuse is, is just fooling yourself.
I disagree. Some people just don't feel the need to limit themselves or their partners to a monogamous relationship. To each their own.
'Limit'
Did every hear that? Those of us in monogamous relationships are LOSING OUT! We're "stuck" in some primitive mindset because we believe in loving just ONE person! What will I do? I'm apparently not filled with enough love for everyone in the world. I should probably just quit right here, since I'm so inferior to these polys.
OR the very idea that someone has so much love to spare that it should be spread among multiple people is like a living analogy for the definition of narcissism.
Meh, so what? I don't see how it matters to the rest of us.
My wife doesn't put up with abuse. Never has. She's a very independent feminist with her own relationships that matter to her too. That's why she supports polyamory.
Do you have multiple friends? Is that necessarily worse or wildly unsustainable compared to having just one?!
Golly gee whiz, how long has it been since this topic had at least two threads running every day. Guess we had to wait a while for it to be "NEW" again.
yawn.
sounds like sex addiction to me. and I know people living this lifestyle--some of them lie to themselves--not all, but some.. devotion to ONE beloved brings one closer to the God--now dont send me hate that could be God as you know it--not some bearded guy... but devotion to something greater. also tantra is a way to deal with sexual needs.
peace and love (and the kind of love and intimacy that can only come from devotion), hts
Why are you assuming it's about sexual needs?
well intimate needs too. yes of course!!! not about the sex perse you are right. tho the article stressed this. please note: these are not complete thoughts or thesis on blog posts! just comments!
peace and love, hts
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First Posted: 07-30-09 12:46 PM | Updated: 07-30-09 01:15 PM