10/19/2009 09:21 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

The Gang Of Six: Dickipedia

The Gang of Six (born July 17, 2009) is a bipartisan group of centrist and conservative Senators urging delay in consideration of health care reform, thereby ensuring that the Obama health care plan will not be passed, not before the end of the 2009 Congressional session, not ever. Comprised of six members who are all dicks in their own right, the Gang of Six is an excellent example of Gestalt dickery, in which the whole is greater than the sum of its dicks.

The Gang of Six halted progress on a potentially historic piece of legislation by mailing a letter of concern to Democratic and Republican leaders. This is the pussiest form of political protest since Sinead O'Connor ripped up that photo of the Pope on "Saturday Night Live" after singing an a cappella version of Bob Marley's "War." Remember that? WTF, right?

By the way, despite having a name that sounds like a super-villain organization--form of "Filibuster!"-- the Gang of Six is also the pussiest gang since Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy, and Scooby. They may as well all be wearing neckerchiefs.

Wimp-ass or not, initiation into the Gang of Six still involves killing people, just slowly, while they wither away in the waiting room at an understaffed free clinic.

The Gang of Six is totally cock-blocking Barack Obama, right when he needs to get laid the most. Legislationally-speaking, of course. You'd imagine the Obamas still hold regular press conferences in the Rose Garden, if you know what we mean. They do it. Have sex. Jeez, do you really need to have it spelled out for you like that?

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