Colbert On Afghanistan: "Just Not That Into Being Invaded"

On last night's edition of The Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert targeted the War in Afghanistan in a metaphor-laden monologue, during which he described the country in relationship terms:

COLBERT: It was the first war of the new century. and you never forget your first. But, then Iraq came along. and we'd always been so curious about what it would be like to drive all the way into the fertile crescent. That turned out to be a codependent nightmare. And we kept thinking "Why did we ever give up on Afghanistan?" It had everything we were looking for in a regional conflict: terrorists, international cooperation, the people who attacked us...

Now, we could go back to our old girl, Afghanistan. Well, guess what we forgot? She is fucking cra-zy! That's why we left. She's moodier than a drunk hyena, she's always broke, and she has a serious heroin problem. Plus she's had so many dysfunctional relationships: the Soviets, the British, Alexander the Great. I'm beginning to think she's just not that into being invaded.

That led into a conversation with CBS News foreign affairs correspondent Lara Logan, who seemed to balance a faith that President Barack Obama recognizes the importance of Afghanistan with a concern that there is no time to debate the proper strategy:

LOGAN: I interviewed the president when he was Senator Obama in Kabul, Afghanistan on his first foreign trip, and there's absolutely no doubt in my mind that he grasps the importance of Afghanistan to al Qaeda. That's why of all the clips you showed, he made that point. He believes that. He is committed to this. I think that what he is trying to do is he doesn't want to take the wrong way forward. And it's very frustrating, and this time he is taking is frightening, especially to the soldiers on the ground. Because, in a way, we're lost right now. what appears to be a wavering in u.s. resolve is the smell of victory to al Qaeda and the Taliban.

There was also a semi-awkward moment during the interview where Logan expressed the need to address the al Qaeda threat in countries other than Afghanistan. Riffing along with Colbert's relationship metaphor, Logan said, "I recommend infidelity at this point." Perhaps sensing that every media insider had, at that very moment, issued a giddy "SQUEEEEE!" from their throats, Colbert was quick to clarify: "Good, I wanted to make sure you were talking about countries."

WATCH:

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
The Road Ahead in Afghanistan - Lara Logan
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Michael Moore

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Comments

[rickkkkk]

Their strategy is to snipe and draw fire, then hide in a cave and let the US burn thousands of dollars worth of ammo. This is so Vietnamish, reporting our victories in terms of body counts. I guess the military suppliers will prosper. How about a gas tax or a universal draft to help things along?

[yinyyanginsense]

I believe the president is extremely smart and strategic in making decisions and I do support adding more troops if needed and stabilizing the country. Now I am very liberal on all issues I think Iraq was a heart wrenching mistake but people don't seem to understand the gravity of Afghanistan. The produce huge amounts of drugs, and will be run by terrorists. I'm sorry but not all things can be one without a military presence we need to make sure there is strong free government there and there’s not right now. Otherwise 5-10 years from now we will be attacked again or another country will and it will be a whole new invasion. Leaving Afghanistan again like Russia and the us did in the 80s is a ignorant thought. I hate war but some things once they’ve been started should be finished to prevent pushing bigger problems into the future.

[Rob R]

Entertaining our troops overseas does not make you a military expert, as the sometimes dilusional Mr. Colbert would have you think. That was a great yarn he spun, only problem, it was fiction. I have been very concerned with the liberties he along with his mentor, J. Stewart take with the truth. Neither bothers to remind their young, impressionable viewers, as was their practice until the current administraion, they are a fake newsman and a satirist,r­espectivel­y. They are the only source of news for a portion of their faithful, and it's scarey. The fact is Afghanistan was under control until recently, not the neglect explatives he expounds. I was surprized he did not acuse G.W. by name this time. It is refreshing to see he is capable of loving another man as much as himself, in Barack Obama. His apparent man crush on the current president is embarrassing. I guess it's perfectly normal, being Stephen is a musician and the prez is a rock star. It's also funny that the reporter, as is the case with all the liberal news outlets of the day, interpret (spin) every word Mr. O says, rather than them reporting and us deciding for ourselves. Stevo, I think you should get your minions to lobby the White House for you to be the Czar of something, I don't know, maybe late night youth indoctrinator. What do you think?

[Rob R]

test

[RomeoMD25]

They (the sheep) get through life ignoring the facts and praying that it isn't true. They will be the first to crumble under a one world system. That is when they will have wished they listened.

[Doomestic]

Al-Qaeda in Afghanistan is a myth. The entirety of Al-Qaeda is a myth. Was OBL in Afghanistan? Yes. Did he use Afghanistan to plot 9/11? Most likely not. The fact of the matter is 9/11 could have been plotted anywhere in the world, including inside the US. After all, the official story was about 19 hijackers that carried box cutters and flew planes into buildings. Hardly the kind of plot that would need actual land bases.

As to the Taliban, just few months before 9/11, the Taliban actually sent a representative to the US to discuss a deal which they want to sign with the US for a major gas pipline through Afghanistan. Does that sound like the kind of organization that wanted to attack US interests all over the world?

I only wish she interviewed Jon Stewart not Colbert. Colbert sadly had to stay in character.

[Wisdo]

True, well put and fanned.

[Jeffreygeez]

The money we have spent on these two useless wars could have been spent building a protective bubble around the U.S.
As Doomestic mentions these terrorist organizations are not exactly world powers, no navy, no air force, training films showing them using monkey bars for training are so frightening that we have to invade two countries, creating the illusion that we are declaring war against the muslim people ?
All because we were attacked by 19 guys who suspiciously bought one way tickets because they did not have the funding for RT tickets?

The funds and man power wasted chasing images should be spent right here in the USA. But down deep we all now this is about controlling the oil flow, so all our anti war words are in vain

[watchTVgetSTUPID]

I wish the war mongering talking heads on CBS and elsewhere be cross examined in a public forum by sharp lawyers. The whole point of propaganda is to avoid being cross examined and repeat the lies early and often.

[bilmardre]

I know it's comedy, but does anyone else see the irony with someone in the media "criticizing" Obama for the "beer summit" when the entire "beer summit" episode was a media creation?
Like a dog chasing it's tail.

[ghostclown]

You missed the "laying pipe" routine, Mr. Colbert.

http://michaelfury.wordpress.com/2009/05/11/the-gas-must-flow/

[loki]

coulter was just on King saying that Under the Bush administration we were winning in Afghanistan .
She neglected to qualify the statement by saying that we were winning, because that is what the Bush administration told us. Our President could say we are winning too, but he doesnt want to be another Mission accomplished President.

[DustinTime]

Logan's husband is a federal defense contractor from Texas whom she met in Iraq.

[eden4barack08]

That explains her worthless biased opinion.

[RTIII]

Two "Darn!"s at once. Darn.
.

[underthegun1]

This war is comparable to another country invading the US to destroy a street gang. A waste of time.

[RTIII]

No. You are very uninformed - or biased - or both.

The Taliban was trying to be _the_ government in Afghanistan. The USA asked them to hand over Bin Laden and if they did, we'd go in peace. Instead, they protected him and whisked him away...

Learn some history - it wasn't that long ago, you know.
.

[underthegun1]

The US deserves everything it gets from continually invading countries that are of no threat to them, wasting tax payer money that could be spent on healthcare, and creating more ter.rorists in the process.

If another country invaded mine I would be fighting against them too. I hope Afghanistan continues their fight until the US pack up and leave the region.

[KISHAGREEN]

Are you completely out of your mind?! Disagreeing with U.S. policy is one thing, but wishing for the death of our soldiers and dismissing terror attacks on this nation is altogether different.

"I hope Afghanistan continues their fight until the US pack up and leave the region."

This is not legitimate resistance to foreign invasion. This is the Taliban, who not only wants to drive out the US forces but to retake control of the Afghan government. Do you have any idea what that would be like for the people of Afghanistan?

[jer9848]

After watching that,Paul Simon's song started playing in my head.50 ways to leave your lover. :P

[water57]

You know it amazing how criticism of Obama seen to follow a zombie like chain reaction. Also, the little comedian has wrongly assume Obama has not paid attention to Afghanistan, remember Obama said a president must do more than one thing at a time. Obama must make this easy, and just ONLY talk about jobs and Afghanistan.I find it way to easy and interesting why everyone is so concern about Afghanistan now, were was that funny little voice four years old. Sorry, he is a day late and dollar short on Obama criticism wagon, because Obama poll number are up no matter which poll you pick.

[Foreground]

Er, watch it again. As I understand it, he was talking about Bush ignoring Afghanistan, and that we're only now turning our focus back on it (with the new administration).