Colbert On Afghanistan: "Just Not That Into Being Invaded"

03/18/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

On last night's edition of The Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert targeted the War in Afghanistan in a metaphor-laden monologue, during which he described the country in relationship terms:

COLBERT: It was the first war of the new century. and you never forget your first. But, then Iraq came along. and we'd always been so curious about what it would be like to drive all the way into the fertile crescent. That turned out to be a codependent nightmare. And we kept thinking "Why did we ever give up on Afghanistan?" It had everything we were looking for in a regional conflict: terrorists, international cooperation, the people who attacked us...

Now, we could go back to our old girl, Afghanistan. Well, guess what we forgot? She is fucking cra-zy! That's why we left. She's moodier than a drunk hyena, she's always broke, and she has a serious heroin problem. Plus she's had so many dysfunctional relationships: the Soviets, the British, Alexander the Great. I'm beginning to think she's just not that into being invaded.

That led into a conversation with CBS News foreign affairs correspondent Lara Logan, who seemed to balance a faith that President Barack Obama recognizes the importance of Afghanistan with a concern that there is no time to debate the proper strategy:

LOGAN: I interviewed the president when he was Senator Obama in Kabul, Afghanistan on his first foreign trip, and there's absolutely no doubt in my mind that he grasps the importance of Afghanistan to al Qaeda. That's why of all the clips you showed, he made that point. He believes that. He is committed to this. I think that what he is trying to do is he doesn't want to take the wrong way forward. And it's very frustrating, and this time he is taking is frightening, especially to the soldiers on the ground. Because, in a way, we're lost right now. what appears to be a wavering in u.s. resolve is the smell of victory to al Qaeda and the Taliban.

There was also a semi-awkward moment during the interview where Logan expressed the need to address the al Qaeda threat in countries other than Afghanistan. Riffing along with Colbert's relationship metaphor, Logan said, "I recommend infidelity at this point." Perhaps sensing that every media insider had, at that very moment, issued a giddy "SQUEEEEE!" from their throats, Colbert was quick to clarify: "Good, I wanted to make sure you were talking about countries."


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