Hadron Collider Scientist Arrested, Suspected Of Links To Al-Qaeda

President Barack Obama needs to immediately stop looking for space on his mantle to place his Nobel Peace Prize and get back to work on closing the ever-widening science-fiction war science gap that's opening between the United States and her terrorist enemies. Because while NASA is only getting up to speed on how to use bombs to annoy the moon, al Qaeda is ramping up its efforts to open up a black hole and send all of existence to a parallel universe where... maybe Rod Blagojevich is president, who knows?

That's the news from the Daily Mail today, which reports that a scientist -- not identified by name -- who works in "the lab that houses the Swiss Large Hadron Collider" -- the device that's been built to simulate the "Big Bang" and otherwise terrify humanity, has been arrested by French police on suspicion of having links to al Qaeda:

The 32-year-old man was the elder of two brothers arrested in the French town of Vienne yesterday.

The arrested man had been working on an experiment in particle physics as a contractor since 2003, Cern said... Le Figaro newspaper reported earlier that the man had been in contact with Al Qaeda in the Islamic Maghreb and had suggested several French targets for militant attacks.

A judicial source confirmed that one of the brothers had been in contact with people close to the organisation but said there was no indication of a clearly established plot at this stage.

In a statement, the European Nuclear Physics Organization (CERN), which oversees the Hadron Collider project, said that "none of [their] research has potential for military application," and that the suspect "had no contact with anything that could have been used for terrorism." You know...other than a giant particle collider that could potentially blast a gaping hole in existence and kill us all.

[Would you like to follow me on Twitter? Because why not? Also, please send tips to [e-mail] -- learn more about our media monitoring project here.]

Comments

[hackerblaster]

Those black holes the collider is going to make are so small and trivial there is no danger from that. However, what other qualifications and knowledge that scientist has it probably worrisome.

[siafu]

IF it's actually a scientist. For all we know, it could be a lab tech. I'm not exactly sure what qualifications a particle physicist might have that would be worrisome, either. Most of the equipment was designed by electrical and mechanical engineers, and built by the aforementioned techs.

[lungfish]

Do any of these people really look like terrorists???

I love this vid because it tells us all what the Large Hadron Collider is trying to do and how it does it in about 4:59 .... and its cool.

check it out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j50ZssEojtM&feature=PlayList&p=7D9FFB3DB065DB3F

[pj-smith]

YEEE_IKES!

didn't I see that in a movie?

[Rosewren]

I thought that they had come to believe that there were black holes being formed around us constantly and that the collider was just a way to try to artificially create what already happens naturally all of the time so that we could understand them better.

[GrahamInCanada]

No, I don't think they have come to believe that.

What they believe is more of a comforting syllogism.

If you suppose that the some of the proposals about the creation of quantum black holes in string theory are true, the Hadron collider is powerful enough to create quantum black holes. But if these theories are true, such black holes are being created constantly by cosmic radiation striking the earth, anyway.

The same theory proposes that such quantum black holes would immediately dissolve, leaving no destruction. And if these black holes are being created constantly by cosmic radiation striking the earth, they are apparently not destructive.

So therefor if the collider creates quantum black holes, they will be non-destructive, and will immediately dissolve.

They still do not believe the collider will create quantum black holes, however.

[Bongborg]

This is disconcerting. If Al-Qaeda discovers the mass of the Higgs boson, they could open up a black hole in Bush's @$$... nevermind...

[ReedYoung]

Insert any "Bush's Brain" joke ^here.

[Zech Ehnert]

Jason Linkins needs to understand that which he writes. This is g arbage.

[JoDeeVa]

Hey, wait.. I know this story! This has all happened before and it will happen again..
The AQ infilitrator will turn out to be, in actuality, a Cylon looking for the mythical paradise, after blowing humanity to smithereens. Pssst! Take a right turn out of that black-hole, Brother Cavil awaits your return to the dark side...{Hint.. Earth is the one with the arrow pointing @ it..;}

[lungfish]

In reading the comments a lot of you don't know what the LHC is for... without a lot of detail here is an easy to understand and accurate overview presented creatively:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j50ZssEojtM&feature=PlayList&p=7D9FFB3DB065DB3F

enjoy!

[Rosewren]

That was so cool. Thanks!

[kjstjohn]

Wonderful!

[iMissMollyIvins]

It's a Queda conspiracy, they're trying to develop a camel-ready infinite improbability drive.

[lungfish]

LOL....

[Kaviraj]

Good golly, miss Molly

[Guitar63]

I would think that a member of Al Quaida would view an electron collider as an abomination against god. Wouldn't that mean they would rather destroy the collider than use it? Either way, this story is poorly reported.

[ibsteve2u]

"none of [their] research has potential for military application,"

I don't know...if you dropped that collider on a small island nation, I think it would sink it. It has some 30,000 tonnes of detectors alone.

Given the limits of our lifting technology, you'd have to teleport it, of course.

[lionzion]

I think the writer has to stop watching, listening, reading and overhearing science fiction novels. How can that machine create a black hole?, when in fact black holes is only theory. It's never been proven that there is even a black hole, only in star trek deep space 9 and the authors wet dreams.

[lungfish]

Cygnus X1 is a black hole... you might want to read up a bit on Astronomy and Standard Model... they exist as singularities and are detectable via xray telescopes.... And the Hadron Collider can create these singularities for very short durations... not like its a threat or anything but the crux of the article is correct...

[Kaviraj]

Nonsense. Black holes do not radiate anything and thus cannot be detected - also not with x-ray. Hence they are but theoretical models and theory is nothing but another word for speculation. Since they cannot be proven to exist, every bit of space that is black is supposed to be one. Science? Hah! What a joke!

[Emerald1943]

Oh, Jason! What a travesty! They put your article under the wrong page...should have been the "Comedy" page! Oh...wait a sec...you were serious?? Never mind!

[nlightenup]

OMG, Linkins! Did you cover any of the Tea Party events in person? Somewhere or other you caught the scare-mongering bug!!! Quick--hie thee into a hyperbaric chamber of reason before you go over to the dark side completely.

[SwingingFromCenter]

Saddens me that most people don't understand this collider, or how its time is doled out.

This guy wasn't building it. This guy wasn't having access to some great we.apon. He was awarded time (sort of like a grant or a contract bid) to use it to conduct some research he had presented. The research was deemed worthwhile.

He wasn't an employee of the management of the thing - he was just a random scientist that had a theory which could have been helped by usage of the collider's capabilities (supposing it ever works)

[Ergon]

I'm sure Jason's being tongue in cheek, but the supposed links to Al-Qaeda are in the realm of fiction, security services edition.
On the other hand, remember the Anthrax attacks? As soon as it turned out to have been an inside job by Fort Detrick scientists, all references to AQ...vanished.