Obamas Discuss Marriage "Bumps," Date Nights, And Counseling In NYT Magazine: UPDATED With New Details (VIDEO)


First Posted: 10-28-09 05:40 PM   |   Updated: 10-30-09 02:12 PM

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10/29 UPDATE:

The "Today Show"'s Norah O'Donnell covered the story this morning.


10/28 UPDATE:The New York Times has posted the November 1st cover story "The First Marriage," by Washington correspondent Jodi Kantor online.

Here are a few highlights from the story:

*President Obama's wedding ring is an intricate Indonesian gold design. See a CLOSE-UP of it here.

*Mrs. Obama is the second woman he took home to meet his family in Hawaii.

*A friend described Michelle's warmth by saying "She is really Bill, and he is really Hillary."

*Kantor reports that "friends who visit the White House describe occasionally turning corners to find the first couple mid-embrace."

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*The president reads aloud with his children in the evenings, and he and Sasha are currently reading "The Life Of Pi."

*Mrs. Obama won't allow the girls to have cell phones.

*Weekend activities entail movies, Scrabble games, and children's talent shows.

*Relatives will take Sasha and Malia to the bookstore or multiplex, since their parents can't move around freely.

*The family recently finished redecorating the White House. The first lady requested an outdoor rocking chair for her husband to read in.

On the downside to "date nights":

"I would say the one time during our stay here in the White House so far that has. . . ." He paused so long in choosing his words that Michelle Obama, sitting alongside him, prompted him. "Has what?"


"Annoyed me," the president answered.

"Don't say it!" the first lady mock-warned. "Uh-oh."

"Was when I took Michelle to New York and people made it into a political issue," he continued, recalling the evening last spring when they flew to New York for dinner and a show, eliciting Republican gibes for spending federal money on their own entertainment.

On whether they ever considered divorce:

"That's overreading it," the president said. "But I wouldn't gloss over the fact that that was a tough time for us."


Did you ever seek counseling? I asked.

The first lady looked solemnly at the president. He said: "You know, I mean, I think that it was important for us to work this through. . . . There was no point where I was fearful for our marriage. There were points in time where I was fearful that Michelle just really didn't -- that she would be unhappy."

On what they're saying when they're photographed whispering to each other:

In September, as they waited to greet a long, slow procession of foreign dignitaries and their spouses at the Group of 20 Summit in Pittsburgh, the first lady whispered in her husband's ear about things "that I probably shouldn't repeat," he said.


"She can puncture the balloon of this," he added, making him feel like the same person he was 5 or 10 years ago.

10/27:

The Obamas sat down to discuss their union in the New York Times Magazine's November 1st cover story "The First Marriage," by Washington correspondent Jodi Kantor.

According to the NYT press release:

"Clearly, the Obamas prefer to think of themselves as largely unaltered. 'The strengths and challenges of our marriage don't change because we move to a different address,' the first lady said, the president studying the carpet as she answered. But even as they serve as sources of continuity for each other, their own partnership is undergoing significant change, not just in outward circumstance -- the city, the exposure, the security, the staff, the house and so on -- but far more fundamentally. Michelle Obama has gone from political skeptic to political partner to a woman with a White House agenda of her own, and an approval rating higher than the president's." - "The First Marriage" by Jodi Kantor


COVER STORY - New York Times Washington correspondent Jodi Kantor sat with the President and First Lady in an Oval Office interview about the effects of the presidency on their marriage. The Obamas have recast the rules for how a politician and spouse are supposed to behave, primarily by speaking frankly about their marriage - "The bumps happen to everybody..." says Michelle Obama.

One secret to the first couple's success is maintaining a regular date night. See a slideshow of their "Sexy Saturdays" here. They're also famous for their public displays of affection, so much so that we've made an Obama PDA Big News page.


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10/29 UPDATE: The "Today Show"'s Norah O'Donnell covered the story this morning. Visit msnbc.com for ...
10/29 UPDATE: The "Today Show"'s Norah O'Donnell covered the story this morning. Visit msnbc.com for ...
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WHY CAN'T THE OBAMA'S HAVE PRIVACY FOR THEIR PERSONAL TIME (DATE NIGHTS)? The reason is they absolutely love the publicity and stage it for the white house photographer to take the pictures and the PR department to release the photo's and stories going out to the reporters. The Obama's need to stop the whining when taxpayers criticize how their money is spent on private and personal matters for those on the public dole.

    Reply    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 12:29 PM on 11/02/2009
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It's always a fine line for reporting on public officials between striving to make them appear 'human' and share their personal life on the one hand, and being overly voyeuristic. I can understand that some readers would be somewhat ill at ease with the topic, I think we all are with personal stories even if it comes from a colleague or acquaintance, it can quickly turn into TMI.
At the same time I understand-and appreciate the goal of this story, or what I take to be the goal of this story: demystifying the 'perfect couple image for the first family so that other couples do not feel their relationship is lacking relative to that of the Obamas. Whether we should look to the White House for couple counseling is a separate question and I am not sure of the answer to that one.
Overall the article seems to strike the right tone balance to achieve its goals.

    Reply    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 11:00 AM on 10/31/2009
- ss193 I'm a Fan of ss193 9 fans permalink

Maybe it's just me, but I am very uncomfortable with this article. I don't think most of these questions are any of my business. It has always been obvious that they make a good team, have lovely children and a darling Grandma, oh, and a cute dog. End of story. If either the Pres. or Fl show up with black eyes or broken noses, then, we should worry, otherwise MYOB. I am interested in his policies, and her activities, and since they both are very committed and active in their roles, that is more than enough information. I feel bad for them that they felt they had to do this interview, for whatever reason..

    Reply    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 09:13 AM on 10/30/2009
- jozzie I'm a Fan of jozzie 96 fans permalink
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Hardly end of story. It does no one any good to mythologize human beings. And plenty of that is going on in many people's minds about those two. People are creating an imagined paragon that will only cause as much misery as it does hope for anyone immature enough to believe it.

Michele wanted to do the interview to bust through the mythologizing. I admire her for that. Marriage is a long series of on-going negotiations -- successful marriages, that is. Everyone should be very clear about that. We'd have far less divorce in this country if that were so.

    Reply    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 03:37 AM on 10/31/2009

Their marriage is quite different from man-woman relationship in Sex and the City.
(henryguo2­21@yeah.ne­t)

    Reply    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 12:51 AM on 10/30/2009
- Mitsy I'm a Fan of Mitsy 11 fans permalink

I did not like how NBC told this news this morning. I would want to surmise some individuals are jealous of the President and his wife's marriage. They reported the the 'bumps' in the road as if this is the first time the couple talked about challanges in their marriage. It was like a 'big news'. I hated that. The couple has always talked about their challenges in their marriage. They have always been real. Too bad if people are jealous of their marriage. It does not seem as if it was heaven all the time. There were some hell to go through to reach where they are, as with ALL marriages BUT the good news is that they have made it this far, with certain essential components still in tact. That is a feat, considering their lives and chosen careers, so kudos to them. They are REAL examples of REAL leaders, with a REAL marriage, trodding the road of a REAL life, with REAL life decisions to make as REAL people. And they made them. Hope they continue to experience fullfilment in their lives together. With such a foundation, I do wish them nothing less.

    Reply    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 07:10 PM on 10/29/2009
- 1088 I'm a Fan of 1088 98 fans permalink
    Reply    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 06:20 PM on 10/29/2009
- caad4 I'm a Fan of caad4 4 fans permalink

bugger off, trqll. I'm pleased to have an eloquent intellectual in the wh. the flotus is a bonus: also intelligent and confident, unalike some thorazined stepford flotus we shan't name. elsa, you're waaaay off the mark. how much do they pay you, anyhow?

    Reply    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 12:34 PM on 10/29/2009
- rain33 I'm a Fan of rain33 22 fans permalink
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michelle is in charge of the house and barack has no choice to be a great husband. slick willy got too much booty in the house while hillary was going out of town. michelle and barack's marriage is solid and no body can not tell them what to do.GOD is on their side anyway!

    Reply    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 10:23 AM on 10/29/2009
- GoDems2012 I'm a Fan of GoDems2012 51 fans permalink
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They have weathered the storm. Very proud of their love and it IS a role model for other Americans who seek to have a stable, loving relationship.

    Reply    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 10:10 AM on 10/29/2009
- jeun28 I'm a Fan of jeun28 19 fans permalink

Nice read BUT my favorite that the first grandma does not allow the staff to do laundry she does the laundry because she does not like to wait. Old school all the way, i guess she keeps busy. Too cute

    Reply    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 10:10 AM on 10/29/2009

A good marriage in the White House is inspiring ... and much effort as we all can imagine. For a little help during those very difficult times take a look at "A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage," just released at amazon, borders, barnes&noble ---- www.ashortguidetoahappymarriage.com

    Reply    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 09:29 AM on 10/29/2009
- Warrior89 I'm a Fan of Warrior89 3 fans permalink

Whether you like the Obamas or not, they are role models for many, many people. I for one am interested in their personal lives...anyone remember how distracted we were as a nation by Bill and the blue dress? It's reassuring to me that the person making the most important decisions has a marriage that is, while not perfect - and no one's is - something that strengthens him.

Kudos to them. A successful, long-lasting marriage is hard under the best of circumstances. It looks as though their friendship and mutual respect has served them well.

    Reply    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 08:24 AM on 10/29/2009
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My advise. Just do what your wife says and there will be peace. Well kind of maybe.

    Reply    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 07:02 AM on 10/29/2009
- Sabreen60 I'm a Fan of Sabreen60 53 fans permalink
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You've been trained well.

Just kidding.

    Reply    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 10:22 AM on 10/29/2009
- KIVPossum I'm a Fan of KIVPossum 43 fans permalink
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Date night is a wonderful thing for all marriages. My wife and I reserve every Friday for ourselves - don't ask us to come and visit that evening.

Obama loves his wife and in spite of a hectic schedule manages to take time to give her love and attention; to show her she is important to him.

A man who will give his wife and family love and affection, will give devotion to his job.

    Reply    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 05:50 AM on 10/29/2009
- farii I'm a Fan of farii 18 fans permalink
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an AMAZING COUPLE ..plain and simple

    Reply    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 01:32 AM on 10/29/2009
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