Christmas seems to start earlier and earlier every year, and with it comes the idiotic fringe-media meme that's come to be known as the "War On Christmas."
Paced by the heavy breathing and pearl-clutching of such luminaries as Bill O'Reilly, the "War On Christmas" is a figment of the imagination that every year threatens to be a straight-up downer on everyone's festivities. For the purpose of edification, I'll offer the best explanation of the "War On Christmas" I can, my own:
Why the "war?" Well, as near as I can tell, being the top-dog, religion-wise, just isn't good enough for some people. There apparently exist adherents who are so feckless and inconstant in their faith, that nothing short of constant validation will do. So when one of these lesser lights walks into Walgreens and hears "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas And Praise Be To You Who Were Smart Enough To Practice The Best Religion Ever!" something inside these adherents' psyches snaps, breaks, and they come to develop an insane persecution complex.
Every year, I hope this will be the year that everyone starts taking an adult attitude toward the Christmas season, and every year, some nimrod comes along to disappoint me. First out of the gate this year is the American Family Association, who on November 11th, issued a fatwa against the Gap, which is apparently oppressing Christians with cable-knit sweaters, or something:
AFA is calling for a limited two-month boycott of Gap, Old Navy and Banana Republic, the three stores owned by San Francisco-based Gap Inc., over the company's censorship of the word "Christmas."
The boycott is part of our ongoing campaign to encourage businesses, communities and individuals to put Christ back in Christmas. The boycott runs from November 1 through Christmas Day.
For years, Gap has refused to use the word Christmas in its television commercials, newspaper ads and in-store promotions, despite tens of thousands of consumer requests to recognize Christmas and in spite of repeated requests from AFA to do the same.
Last year, Gap issued this politically-correct statement to Christmas shoppers: "Gap recognizes that many traditions are celebrated throughout this season and we feel it is important to display holiday signage that is inclusive to everyone."
Ahh, but, as Amanda Terkel astutely pointed out yesterday, the "AFA's first shot in the war is a misfire," because the Gap currently has an ad up on the air that features Gap-clad cheerleaders shouting, "Go Christmas!"
Surf on over to YouTube and watch Gap's latest 30-second spot, titled "Go Ho Ho" (Crispin Porter + Bogusky). The spot -- which is in heavy rotation on network and cable TV -- features a group of insanely athletic dancers leaping and twirling and stomp-cheering around a white log-cabin set. They chant, "Go Christmas, go Hanukkah, go Kwanzaa, go solstice. . . . Do whatever you wannukkah and to all a cheery night."
There it is, right up front, enjoying pride of place: the C-word.
WATCH:
Of course, if you are an idiot, like the American Family Association, what you do now is whine and cry about how the Gap is putting Christmas on the same footing as infidel holidays like Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and Solstice, and ending the spot with the tag "Ready For Holiday Cheer" instead of "Ready To Minister To The Juvenile Needs Of Christians Who Are Disaffected For No Good Reason By Making A Big Proclamation Of Their Obvious Spiritual Superiority."
RELATED:
Right-Wing American Family Association Misfires In The War On Christmas [ThinkProgress]
Gap's Christmas cheer makes a boycott backfire [L.A. Times]
PREVIOUSLY, on the HUFFINGTON POST:
O'Reilly's War On Christmas Goes Retail
Babylon And On: Fox And Friends Stage 'War' On Christmas Circle-Jerk