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Jenny Sanford: 'Cheap' Mark Sanford Dropped 'Faithful' From Wedding Vows

AP / Huffington Post   First Posted: 04/04/10 06:12 AM ET Updated: 05/25/11 04:25 PM ET

Jenny Sanford

CHARLESTON, S.C. -- In a new memoir, South Carolina first lady Jenny Sanford writes that Gov. Mark Sanford sought her advice about his romance and how to deal with the media after she discovered his extramarital relationship with an Argentine woman.

Jenny Sanford, who managed political campaigns for her husband during their 20-year marriage, writes in "Staying True" that the governor used her as a sounding board, wondering aloud whether he should follow his heart to Argentina and if he would live a life of regret if he didn't.

"Clearly those are thoughts I wish he had kept to himself," Jenny Sanford writes in the book to be released on Friday. The Associated Press obtained a copy of the 214-page book, published by Ballantine Books, on Tuesday.

Mark Sanford, once considered a possible 2012 Republican presidential candidate, disappeared for five days last summer.

He returned to reveal at a tearful Statehouse news conference he was not hiking the Appalachian Trail, as he told his staff, but in Argentina seeing his mistress, Maria Belen Chapur.

The revelations he made then, and during a subsequent interview with the AP, derailed his political career and ultimately unraveled his marriage.

In an upcoming '20/20' interview with Barbara Walters, Jenny Sanford reveals that the South Carolina governor dropped the word "faithful" from the couple's wedding vows. ABC reports:

Sanford recalls how she made the "leap of faith" to marry husband Gov. Mark Sanford even though the groom refused to promise to be faithful, insisting that the clause be removed from their wedding vows.

"It bothered me to some extent, but ... we were very young, we were in love ... I questioned it, but I got past it ... along with other doubts that I had."

Sanford also explained to Walters that her husband was frugal, even "cheap." ABC:

"He drew me a picture of a half a bike, and then for the next birthday or Christmas I got the picture of the other half a bike, and then he delivered the $25 used bike," she recalled.

For another birthday, Mark Sanford gave her a diamond necklace, which she adored, but then he took it back.

In the book, Jenny Sanford, a Georgetown-educated, former Wall Street vice president, traces the story of the Sanfords from the time the couple met in the 1980s to the trying events of the last year. The book includes eight pages of photographs of the Sanford's wedding and family and of Mark Sanford's political career, which included three terms in Congress and two as governor.

Jenny Sanford discovered the affair in January 2009 after coming across a letter her husband had written to his mistress. She writes in her book she was "gut-punched all over again" when she found out the governor had dalliances with still other women, some of which she learned about from his interview with the AP when he said he had "crossed lines" with a handful of other women.

The book also gives a sense of the rumor mill that exploded in South Carolina in the wake of the governor's admissions. Jenny Sanford writes that, before the AP interview, the governor called her to say "he had more explaining to do" because another woman had suggested to a media outlet she had an affair with him.

She writes her husband told her at the time the relationship was "nothing much" and nothing she needed to know about earlier.

Jenny Sanford wrote her husband had admitted only one affair until that point and now "ever businesslike, he wanted to know what I thought he should reveal in the interview." She does not say what advice, if any, she gave the governor.

"Here he was again asking for my advice instead of first considering how the news might make me feel," she wrote.

It's unclear from the book the identity of that woman. The AP never reported on an extramarital relationship between the governor and any woman other than Chapur.

Sanford's office had no comment on Tuesday.

Jenny Sanford also reveals in the book that following the revelation of the affair, she had her attorney draw up a contract under which she would not reveal the affair if her husband would stop seeing his mistress. She writes that the governor refused.

Jenny Sanford moved out of the Governor's Mansion last summer and now lives with the couple's four sons at the family beach house on Sullivans Island.

She filed for divorce on the grounds of adultery in December and a final hearing is scheduled for later this month.

The outside dust jacket of the book makes no mention of the affair, or even that the author is the first lady of South Carolina.

The cover has just the title and her name and a picture of Sanford sitting on the beach in a rose blouse and blue jeans. The back of the dust jacket contains an excerpt from the book that includes what the author calls the simple truth she has come to learn.

"What matters most is how you live your life, not what you have to show for it," she writes.

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CHARLESTON, S.C. -- In a new memoir, South Carolina first lady Jenny Sanford writes that Gov. Mark Sanford sought her advice about his romance and how to deal with the media after she discovered his e...
CHARLESTON, S.C. -- In a new memoir, South Carolina first lady Jenny Sanford writes that Gov. Mark Sanford sought her advice about his romance and how to deal with the media after she discovered his e...
 
 
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
pahpah25
04:37 PM on 02/07/2010
so he removed the 'FAITHFUL' line from his vows....big deal, how many people retain the 'faithful' line and still have committ adultery????? the traditiional 'vows' are simply that, traditional......meaningless ritual...this man did HIS thing and to hell with anyone else.
08:52 AM on 02/08/2010
That's the whole point.

Most men just say them and then cheat anyway...

SO if your man takes the time and trouble to remove them openly beforehand....believe him.

To all the women saying - that didn't mean that he WOULD cheat.

YES...yes it does....and only a willfully ignorant child sticking their head in the sand would not realize that.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
richieh
Sane but crazy.....
04:11 PM on 02/06/2010
Can anyone say "red flag?"
02:43 PM on 02/06/2010
really now. How many of you would actually MARRY someone who said to you "hey let's remove the faithful part of the marriage vows ok ?" I would said no one ! If you really love someone you would never ask to do that in the first place. This was a marriage of convenience.. business arrangement. What he did was wrong, but she also seems cold to me, not much into romance of any kind. The sad thing, they have 4 boys who have to deal with nutty parents forever. sad
09:13 PM on 02/05/2010
Read Jill Brooke's article here....

She has more from Jenny's book.

Turns out she NEVER loved Mark and thought that marrying a "resume" was the way to have a successful life.

So...

Keep bashing a man for not being faithful to a woman who never loved him and whom he specifically vowed to not be faithul.

Keep defending a woman who married a man she didn't love knowing he wouldn't be faithful and who ONLY became upset about it to sell books after seeing how the public reacted to Silda Spitzer.

We, as a society, consider women to be children.

Responsible for nothing. It's sad.
10:52 PM on 02/05/2010
PETA: I've counted ten comments from you on this page alone.
Your point of view seems quite misogynistic.
Let me guess, you are divorced?
08:28 AM on 02/06/2010
My point of view seems misogynistic to you BUT YOU are the misogynist.

I think women are adults and responsible for their own actions.

If you agree to marry a man who tells you he won't be faithful, it's pretty childish to get upset when he strays, but most....you included...think even though she agreed to it, she should have to live it because....

Well...I have no idea...
10:19 AM on 02/09/2010
And I bet PETA's Ex got everything in the divorce.
03:17 PM on 02/07/2010
Peta, no, we as a society are realizing that a woman like Jenny Sanford is a full fledged adult partner in a marriage and she deserves half of everything gained during the marriage. It is other cultures that might profess the old philosophy you still hold!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, in a court of law, a wife or former wife can't testify against her husband or former husband, but, PETA BABY, she sure can testify before the court of public opinion, just as he did the day he professed his love to this Argentina interloper.
04:00 PM on 02/07/2010
And if she finds enough simple people, they will actually buy into her hurt wife character she is playing...

She married a man she claims she never loved who told her he wont be faithful and she hid the affairs until it became public knowledge and now she is pretending to be hurt and outraged because she saw how the public reacted to Silda Spitzer.

She is playing you like a fiddle.
04:09 PM on 02/07/2010
Also what "old philosphy" might I still hold?

What are you referring to and based on what?

You are trying to paint me as something I am not based on something you intentionally mistunderstood and I simply never said.
08:51 PM on 02/05/2010
If Jenny Sanford told Mark before they got married that she would not be faithful, would it be ok for her to have a lover?
12:18 AM on 02/08/2010
He did not promise to be unfaithful.
He did refuse to keep that clause in the wedding vows.
There is a difference.
Neither the governor nor his wife comes off great here, but the the family values politicians (Sanford, Vitter, Ensign, Spitzer, etc.) who have their hypocrisy exposed deserve special scorn.
08:48 AM on 02/08/2010
You are kidding.

Why did he refuse to keep that clause in the wedding vows?

WHY?
08:50 AM on 02/08/2010
There is only a difference to someone who is trying to be willfully ignorant.
07:45 PM on 02/05/2010
It seems to me that when it comes to men and love, most women are stupid. I wish it weren't true... but I am here to testify! :/
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
EAPrince
My other car is an Al'kesh
04:06 PM on 02/04/2010
I am a little surprised at the general feeling I get from these comments. There seems to be a sense that simply by taking out 'Faithful' from the vows he absolved himself of any real blame and that she is now the one to look down on. I do not know all the facts, but to pass that sort of judgement on a wife that was treated like dirt seems a bit of a stretch. Certainly we, sitting out on the fringes with no actual stake in it, can say "well, she knew". We don't know what the conversation was or what exactly her expectations were. All we know is that he wanted to remove that vow and ultimately she agreed. Hardly proof that she deserved any of this. It's always much easier to judge others from a distance when you know almost nothing of the details. In my opinion simply removing the vow does not absolve him of anything. This is not a business contract where you can go back and point to the fine print and say, "you were warned." There is supposed to be love and respect involved. He lied to her, ran around behind her back, humiliated her in front of the world and apparently let her find out about other dalliances from a televised interview. I don't think he gets a pass on that, no matter what word he omitted from his vow.

Erik
Blog: http://eaprince.blogspot.com/
04:18 PM on 02/04/2010
When your future husband comes to you and explicity explains how he is going to take the word "faithful" out of their vows.....what SHOULD she think?
05:25 PM on 02/05/2010
When people are in love, they don't think. Your defense of him is more than a little sick though. Aside from his cheating, the guy is a complete creep.
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Nelle
bah-weep-grahna-weep-ninny-bon
12:29 PM on 02/05/2010
There is supposed to be love and respect involved...I don't think he gets a pass on that, no matter what word he omitted from his vow.

No, he doesn't get a pass, but he does get a partner that is willing to condone his actions. If someone takes out the vow of faithfulness from the marriage ceremony, how can the two people involved truly love and respect one another? These three things go together. You can't have one without the others. Anyone that would attempt to void faithfulness from marriage or honor such a vow is on a fool's errand. Jenny Sanford went into this marriage with arms wide open and eyes shut, willing to accept a partner for life that refused to vow faithfulness to her, "forsaking all others." At the very least, she should have known that she was marrying someone that had a problem being faithful to one woman. How then, can she really be shocked that he would take a lover? He just told her to her face that he might not be faithful! Whether she deserved it or not, for failing to standing up for the very foundation upon which a marriage is supposed to be based, she played a role in her own nightmare.
03:40 PM on 02/04/2010
Suppose to be going to be not going to me...oops! and I was all for her and the I am not standing by my man
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
EAPrince
My other car is an Al'kesh
12:59 PM on 02/04/2010
This info certainly shows Gov. Sanford as a pretty cold person. To use your wife as a professional sounding board about how to handle your very public affair is . . . hard to fathom. I'm surprised she didn't walk out on him as soon as that conversation started. Then, to let her find out about other affairs from an interview. This man has some serious emotional issues or he never saw his marriage as more than a business relationship. I'd say he is likely to be destroyed in the Divorce settlement and deservedly so.

Erik
Blog: http://eaprince.blogspot.com/
04:19 PM on 02/04/2010
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http://www.mydumbblog.com
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
EAPrince
My other car is an Al'kesh
10:42 PM on 02/04/2010
I will admit that it took me a moment to realize that you were intending to be snotty with this post. I'm sorry if my comment wasn't up to your high standards of discourse and that my web site insulted you to such a degree. Always nice to have a quality, intelligent discussion about the facts. :-) Best wishes anyway.

Erik
Blog: http://eaprince.blogspot.com/
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
raker
08:17 AM on 02/04/2010
The lesson to be learned from Jenny Sanford's story is this: When you're prospective husband tells you he will not be faithful after you're married, believe him. If you marry him anyway, you are tacitly giving him permission to continue dating until he finds his "soul mate." And if your husband yaps about his religious purity morning, noon and night, it's to cover his character flaws–the flaws you've been pretending not to notice throughout your marriage.
05:16 AM on 02/04/2010
I guess cause he was a Republican it was too easy to keep hatin.g him, but...it wasn't until a full day later that I wonder...

If Mark Sanford told Jenny BEFORE they got married that he would not be faithful, what exactly did he do wrong?
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
CloseToTheEdge
02:37 PM on 02/04/2010
Well, he ground her up under his heel. He treated her like dirt. Can't say that's good behavior, can we? Just because he hinted that he was a world class SOB, does not mean it is not wrong to be one. He took advantage of someone with obviously low self-esteem (why else would she still marry him?). I'm not saying she did not set herself up, but hey, you asked. That's what he did wrong. Wrapping himself up in the bible while doing these things is behavior I have come to expect from many christians these days. Well, at least he's "forgiven"... XD
03:12 PM on 02/04/2010
So, she's a doormat and not an adult?

Please.

Women are not as helpless as you seem to think.
HUFFPOST PUNDIT
xlntcat
04:23 AM on 02/05/2010
He abandoned his post, he misappropriated state funds, per the book his narcissistic disorder led to emotional sadistic behavior. and he tricked the State of SC that he personally bankrupt into paying his pension for the rest of his life.
04:54 AM on 02/05/2010
I meant to his wife.

I know he's a bad governor.
HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
nana4g
09:42 PM on 02/03/2010
She comes from a wealthy family. She was well educated in the finest schools. She had a marvelous, lucrative career in which she could be independently comfortable. And she could have returned to any career at any time during that marriage when she began to have so many second doubts. Instead, she had 4 children, and stayed, to be insulted, disrespected, emotionally abused, over and over again in many ways. She left when it all became public.

Over and above the "sanctity of the vows" being broken, the humiliation of "rejection", what about the total lack of respect and basic caring when the promiscuous partner brings into the family home all of the body fluids of not only the one with whom he/she dallied, but, of all those that other one dallied? I find that unforgivable. The mere thought of it is repulsive to me. AIDS, and all manner of STDs; why would anyone put up with it, especially if you can be independently financially secure and are semi attractive and smart, in some ways, as this woman?
04:54 AM on 02/04/2010
She wanted power.

She is a horrible person. She deserves worse than she is getting.

Really, I didn't know until yesterday that he told her before they got married that he would not be faithful....not sure what he did wrong?

He did exactly what she told her he would do and she agreed to it.

If anything, he should be mad at her for changing the rules.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
CloseToTheEdge
02:38 PM on 02/04/2010
Perhaps she should be taken to the town square where you could throw stones at her, too.
06:43 PM on 02/05/2010
Maybe, just maybe, because he so fervently professed his religious faith, she thought that he would follow the teachings of his faith about adultery. I guess he was a true believer in getting forgiven and not so much into the do not sin part. A common disease everywhere, but especially seen lately in pious appearing republican politicians. At least any future voters can have no doubts about his character and judgement. I wish her attorneys well, and I hope God spits on him when he claims repentance and asks forgiveness.
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HoosierRadical
History is a relay of revolutions.
08:27 PM on 02/03/2010
Why do people even bother getting married?
HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
nana4g
09:44 PM on 02/03/2010
The Bibel tells them so. The Bible and C Street Church tells them to forgive and forget and to hell with all those body fluids.
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HoosierRadical
History is a relay of revolutions.
09:38 AM on 02/04/2010
GROSS.
07:51 PM on 02/03/2010
Jenny just showed her poor judgment in picking this clown for a husband. Welcome to reality, Jenny. You deserve exactly what you got.
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HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
InternationalObserver
08:26 PM on 02/03/2010
Yeah! You tell her Brightlight! I'm just getting SO sick of these women bringing down these fine upstanding politicians....! I think it's time we pointed the finger of guilt at the person who's fault it REALLY is - the wronged spouse!
10:48 PM on 02/03/2010
That's right International Observer, how dare she stay with a man she had four sons with. What a selfish, terrible woman.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
tttom
07:44 PM on 02/03/2010
"...dropped the word 'faithful' from wedding vows...". Well, I guess you could get a tea-bagger to buy it. I don't know what other woman would though.