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Sarah Palin Spoke At A Wine Wholesalers Expo, For Some Reason [UPDATE] [AUDIO]

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[Updated, below.]

Hey, kids! Did anyone wake up today thinking to themselves, "Sometime-Alaska Governor Sarah Palin's appearance at that Michele Bachmann rally was sure swell, but for the sake of being complete, I'd sure like to know how her April 6th keynote speech at the Wine And Spirits Wholesalers of America's 67th Annual Convention and Exposition went?" Well you're in luck. It apparently did not go well, and did not make much sense.

And look! Some guy apparently liveblogged the whole thing, or something?

Here comes Palin!

Big hair, white jacket. And now a salute to the "beautiful people working so hard in Nevada."

Heck yeah, I want to speak at this convention! Three bad wine puns in a row: "Going rosé", "stand on a wine box (instead of a soap box)", "in good spirits".

Apparently Todd is in a snow race this weekend. Wow, this woman could have been president. Shudder.

[Editor: What is the crowd's reaction?]

TOTAL SILENCE

She just made up a Ronald Reagan quote. And now she's talking about the deficit, using "heck" a lot. If her commercial fishing business is in trouble, she'd fix it, not borrow money.

Ha, that "going rosé" pun isn't even hers, it's Slate's Mike Steinberger, from a January article in which he wondered: "Why is Sarah Palin keynoting the Wine & Spirits Wholesalers convention?"

Back to the "liveblog":

Back to the speech. She just pointed out that in spirits, quality grapes produce quality wines. Does she know wine is not spirits?

"Think of cultured yeast as a mentor." That was an attempt to link winemaking with the habits of successful people.

She keeps focusing on small business. An interesting choice, given the crowd. Oh, here comes energy policy. She wants nuclear power and offshore drilling, instead of giving money to "unstable regimes".

[Editor: I want nuclear yeast!]

Now, more than ever, I am thinking of cultured yeast as a mentor.

By the way, the Wine And Spirits Wholesalers presumably paid between $75,000 to $100,000 for that so, hooray! Recession is over!

UPDATE: Oh, frabjous day! A tipster from the WSWA conference sends along the complete audio of Sarah Palin's speech. If I'm being as charitable as possible, it's more Metodo Charmat-Martinotti than it is méthode champenoise. If I'm being honest, however...

LISTEN:

RELATED:
Palin Spews Tea at Liquor Conference [Rumproast]
Sarah Palin and America's Wine Wholesalers: A Bust? [Fermentation]
Cougar Beat: On the Prowl Live at WSWA [Spume]
Going Rosé [Slate]

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Sarah Palin Bowling Expo Keynote Speaker

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