Right-Wing Writers Explore The Depths Of Dementia

06/15/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

I'm reasonably certain that, at some point, when they stop firing David Frum and maybe start listening to Jon Henke, the right is going to establish some quality media outposts that offer responsible policy critiques and good substantive reporting. But until then, we'll all get to enjoy the high weirdness of people like Human Events's David Goldman, who apparently had enough time on his hands to deliver this, unto the world:

I've been screaming about this for more than two years: Obama is the loyal son of a left-wing anthropologist mother who sought to expiate her white guilt by going to bed with Muslim Third World men. He is a Third World anthropologist studying us, learning our culture and our customs the better to neutralize what he considers to be a malignant American influence in world affairs.

Needless to say, there's something about a person who's managed to scream about some nonsense for two years and somehow not been offered relief in the form of a benzodiazepine prescription that suggests that now, more than ever, Americans need access to high-quality health care. But, yes, this actually happened, in the History of American Letters. Goldman drew a response from John Podhoretz, who said:

The opposition to Barack Obama needs to keep its wits. His domestic-policy proposals and foreign-policy ideas constitute a profound challenge to the good working order of the United States and the world. Spewing repellent nonsense about Obama's mother and spinning bizarre notions about his innate foreignness -- when he is in fact the possessor of one of the great and enduring American stories, and is in his own person a demonstration of precisely the kind of American exceptionalism that Obama so pointedly pooh-poohs -- can be used to discredit his opposition.

And I think we can all agree that this is a half-step in the right direction. But naturally, it didn't end there. Matt Duss chronicles the entire blow-by-blow of bloggers going back and forth on the important issue of how the dating history of some woman whom none of them had ever met has had a prevailing influence on geopolitics. At the end of it, you grow a little envious, because somehow, in this economy, there are people who are well-compensated to spend their entire day, discussing this piffle.

Still as weird as that was, it doesn't hold a candle to the great Malia Obama Soccer Conspiracy of 2010. Remember this weekend, when President Obama ditched the White House Press Corps to run up to a soccer game, leaving the press pool unable to document this important moment in sports? Well, American Thinker's Cat Corben says that the whole matter was "rather disturbing when you dissect it."

Here is the dissection. It will win many alternative-universe Pulitzers for the way it checked Sidwell Friends' website, found a picture of Fort Reno Park on Google Maps, and skillfully worked in a mention of the plane crash that killed the president of Poland.

This whole thread on RedState is also straight magical, and should have definitely been mentioned in Insane Clown Posse's "Miracles" video, for the way it constructs an elaborate conspiracy around the Department of Defense, high 2008 levels of arsenic in the ground, something called the "Virgo" exercise ("a series of training flights held in coordination with the Federal Aviation Administration, the National Capital Region Command Center, the Joint Air Defense Operations Center, Civil Air Patrol, and NORAD!"), and the Fort Reno Summer Concert Series. Eventually, some hero named Joshua Persons (if that is his real name!) emerges to say, basically, uh, guys, maybe there is no story here?

Anyway, here's Jake Tapper, getting his factcheck on all up in this piece:

But seriously! How could Obama have made it to Fort Reno, according to the tick-tock of events that day? Why, he'd have to travel the five miles between the White House and the park by motorcade, or something!

[Would you like to follow me on Twitter? Because why not? Also, please send tips to -- learn more about our media monitoring project here.]

Suggest a correction