Principal Asks Parents To Ban Facebook, Social Networking

Anthony Orsini, the principal at Benjamin Franklin middle school in Ridgewood, New Jersey is calling on parents to take a stand against social networking websites. Orsini sent an email to parents on Wednesday urging them to get their children off networks like Facebook and MySpace and to monitor cell phone use, WCBSTV.com reports.

Orsini says these Websites give rise to "psychologically detrimental" behavior known as cyber-bullying, which he says is on the rise among younger and younger students.

"There is absolutely no reason for any middle school student to be a part of a social networking site!" Orsini wrote in a school-wide email.

His plea to parents encouraged them to remove their children from social media sites and install parental controls to further limit the children's online activities.

Please do the following: sit down with your child (and they are just children still) and tell them that they are not allowed to be a member of any social networking site. Today!

Let them know that you will at some point every week be checking their text messages online! You have the ability to do this through your cell phone provider.

Let them know that you will be installing Parental Control Software so you can tell every place they have visited online, and everything they have instant messaged or written to a friend. Don't install it behind their back, but install it!

Cellphone use among students is common at Benjamin Franklin middle school, and students say they check Facebook "a lot" WCBSTV.com writes. In addition, the school's guidance counselor, Meredith Wearly, said that students mostly come to her regarding social networking issues.

The response from parents has been positive so far, Orsini told Good Morning America on Thursday. However, one local mother had this to say:

We taught our kids how to behave in other people's homes, in public places,in the classroom, etc. Behaving online should be no different. It needs to be made clear that they are expected to behave just as respectfully online as they would in the real World or lose the privilege.

Yet not all school administrators agree with Orsini's stance. Eric Sheninger, the principal of New Milford High School, contacted the Huffington Post to share an alternate perspective, which is that students should be able to use Facebook, Twitter, and other social media both, in school and out.

"It's sending the wrong message because this is the world that students are immersed in," Sheninger said of Orsini's ban. "We need to communicate with students on how they can use this for productive means, whether it's social or educational. Banning something will reinforce negative behavior," he told 1010 WINS.

Read Orsini's entire email below:

Dear BF Community,

In 2002 when I arrived in Ridgewood Facebook did not exist, Youtube did not exist, and MySpace was barely in existence. Formspring (one of the newest internet scourges, a site meant simply to post cruel things about people anonymously) wasn't even in someone's mind.

In 2010 social networking sites have now become commonplace, and technology use by students is beyond prevalent.

It is time for every single member of the BF Community to take a stand!

There is absolutely no reason for any middle school student to be a part of a social networking site!

Let me repeat that - there is absolutely, positively no reason for any middle school student to be a part of a social networking site! None.

5 of the last 8 parents who we have informed that their child was posting inappropriate things on Facebook said their child did not have an account. Every single one of the students had an account.

3 Students yesterday told a guidance counselor that their parents told them to close their accounts when the parents learned they had an account. All three students told their parents it was closed. All three students still had an account after telling their parents it was closed.

Most students are part of more than one social networking site.

Please do the following: sit down with your child (and they are just children still) and tell them that they are not allowed to be a member of any social networking site. Today!

Let them know that you will at some point every week be checking their text messages online! You have the ability to do this through your cell phone provider.

Let them know that you will be installing Parental Control Software so you can tell every place they have visited online, and everything they have instant messaged or written to a friend. Don't install it behind their back, but install it!

Over 90% of all homework does not require the internet, or even a computer. Do not allow them to have a computer in their room, there is no need.

Know that they can text others even if their phone doesn't have texting capability, either through the computer or through their Ipod touch.

Have a central "docking station" preferably in your bedroom, where all electronics in the home get charged each night, especially anything with a cell or wifi capability (Remember when you were in high school and you would sneak the phone into your bedroom at midnight to talk to you girlfriend or boyfriend all night - now imagine what they can do with the technology in their rooms).

If your son or daughter is attacked through one of these sites or through texting - immediately go to the police! Insist that they investigate every situation. Also, contact the site and report the attack to the site - they have an obligation to suspend accounts or they are liable for what is written.

We as a school can offer guidance and try to build up any student who has been injured by the social networking scourge, but please insist the authorities get involved.

For online gaming, do not allow them to have the interactive communication devices. If they want to play Call of Duty online with someone from Seattle, fine, they don't need to talk to the person.

The threat to your son or daughter from online adult predators is insignificant compared to the damage that children at this age constantly and repeatedly do to one another through social networking sites or through text and picture messaging.

It is not hyperbole for me to write that the pain caused by social networking sites is beyond significant - it is psychologically detrimental and we will find out it will have significant long term effects, as well as all the horrible social effects it already creates.

I will be more than happy to take the blame off you as a parent if it is too difficult to have the students close their accounts, but it is time they all get closed and the texts always get checked.

I want to be clear, this email is not anti-technology, and we will continue to teach responsible technology practices to students. They are simply not psychologically ready for the damage that one mean person online can cause, and I don't want any of our students to go through the unnecessary pain that too many of them have already experienced.

Some people advocate that the parents and the school should teach responsible social networking to students because these sites are part of the world in which we live.

I disagree, it is not worth the risk to your child to allow them the independence at this age to manage these sites on their own, not because they are not good kids or responsible, but because you cannot control the poor actions of anonymous others.

Learn as a family about cybersafety together at wiredsafety.org for your own knowledge. It is a great site. But then do everything I asked in this email - because there really is no reason a child needs to have one of these accounts.

Please take action in your on home today.

Sincerely,
Anthony Orsini
Principal, BFMS

Comments

[Harmerica]

01:46 PM on 06/21/2010

What about teaching our kids about responsibility and trust? I agree that all parents should sit down and speak to their children about online safety, but attempting to ban your children from social networking sites will just make them more adept at hiding their online activity from you. It is important for parents to know what their kids are doing and to be vigilant, but it is also important that kids feel that they can go to their parents when they encounter potential problems on the internet. If they know their parents/school will punish them, they will never come forward and ask for help or advice. We can't protect them from everything, but we can do our best to teach them how to act responsibly and let them know that we will always be there if they need us. Stop sheltering our children from the "big, bad world"; they have to face it eventually.

[veryredstatedem]

10:03 PM on 05/02/2010

A couple of months ago I noticed that my 29-year-old brother (married, father of three) and one of my 4th grade girls were mutual friends. Alarmed, I asked my brother how he knew her - maybe their families were friends? Nope. Turns out she was in the habit of sending out friend requests to random men on FB and he assumed she was somebody from highschool? maybe? who was using a picture of her kid as her profile pic? It could happen, right?
Needless to say, he quickly removed her from his friends list, and we at the school called her parents in to talk. Last I checked her friends list was remarkable shorter than it used to be.
This girl is 10. I looked and looked for a way to report her dangerous behavior directly to FB - to get her account closed for violating the TOS. Nothing. All I could do was sit back and watch this child put herself in danger.
Kids don't need FB.

[JimR]

08:26 PM on 05/02/2010

This is a bit like banning dancing to prevent teen sex ("Footloose," anyone?). It doesn't work. Teens can be taught to behave responsibly on Facebook, just as they can be taught to behave responsibly in face-to-face social situations.

[Vandy Vo]

06:39 PM on 05/02/2010

There's no point of banning social network when there's loopholes to go around. One way of limiting internet use is not to purchase an internet add on plan for the kids' cell phone.

[Bridget Little]

06:04 PM on 05/02/2010

I have four kids 23, 21, 15 and 14. The three older ones are girls and they had their face book page when they went to college, The 14 year old we set up her page together, I know her username and password so I know what is being posted and all messages that come across her page, I check her cell phone due to the fact I PAY THE BILL does she like it no but she will get over it. My son is 14 he has Autism he only goes on line when I am next to him and his friends are kids like him or kids from his school. At 8 pm all computers and cell phones are shut down for the night and put into my room next to my bed

[Louis Leo IV]

03:43 PM on 05/02/2010

The real problem here is the system of education itself. Until we can better educate those currently in the system, and those adults who have clearly been left behind, we're going to continue experiencing these problems and looking for scapegoats like social networking sites to blame for them.

[CK4NYSenate]

02:24 PM on 05/02/2010

We had a whole PTA meeting dedicated to this very topic recently since it was happening at our school, and our principal had the same stand as Mr Orsini. They are not trying to force anything on parents that the parents shouldn't have the common sense to realize themselves, especially once the far-reaching dangerous scope of this problem is explained. If it is affecting learning and well-being of their students- whether it occurs between 8 and 3 on a week-day or on Sunday evening, these principals are showing that they care about our kids. I don't think it is too much to ask us as parents to care back.

[Louis Leo IV]

12:13 PM on 05/02/2010

Dear Principle Orsini,

When I was in middle school I didn't have Facebook or Myspace. Instead, I had IRC and access to some of the same brave new resources that made it possible for sites like Facebook to even come into existence. You see, back then most sheltered people like yourself had no idea what the Internet was outside of their pathetic AOL accounts. You probably think that Facebook magically transcended from Heaven and appeared! People like you probably still have no idea what the Internet actually is outside of your Faux News and Yahoo email accounts, and don't realize the actual potential that it has for making this world a better place.

[Louis Leo IV]

12:14 PM on 05/02/2010

Well Mr. Belding, until you learn more about social networking and the Internet, you need to snap out of your ignorant, authoritarian-induced coma, and focus on your job. Last time I checked, it wasn't in a principal's job description to tell parents how to raise their children. If a kid is on Facebook Chat in class, by all means, take away his portable handheld device. But don't you dare tell that child or parent what he can and can't do outside your classrooms.

One day, you may come to the realization that social networking is actually EDUCATING our children in ways that you or your teachers never could! But this may be a concept that you're mind simply is just not ready for.

As a fellow human being, I implore you to educate yourself better before you send out letters that attempt to guilt parents into oppressing their children back into the 20th century. But most importantly, I implore you to actually do your job.

Sincerely,
Louis Leo IV
Principal, HP

[Louis Leo IV]

12:49 PM on 05/02/2010

oops:

your* mind

--- Maybe they should ban everyone from HP to save people from my grammatical mistakes?

mojopo where are you when I need a proof reader!?!?!

[LisaDi]

12:11 PM on 05/02/2010

My son was bullied on Facebook. If it was not for Facebook we, the parents, could not have successfully terminated the bullying in his school. The school had to accept Facebook as a tool for better social education. Banning Facebook is useless. The parents have to be proactive in their childrens lives and the schools have to support the bullied students' right to a safe enviroment for learning. However, I do not allow my eleven year old child on these sights, because she needs to grow some.
I believe these social networking sights should be used as tools as insight in childrens lives and try to correct their destructive tendencies.
There are no excuses for teachers, principles, parents to not see and acknowlege a child's sufferings, be it the bully, the bullied, and the bystander.
BTW, a bystander and friend told my son about the Facebook site, thankfully, it propelled the school to take appropriate action against the bullies. They embarressed the bullies among theirs peers and administrators by posting the Facebook site for all to see during general assembly amoung the population of the middle school and high school. For the first time, my son, was understood to have suffered, and the children,teachers and administrators were always watchful for signs of bullying for all the children.
BTW, I have four children, it may not be easy, but I will not stand by and watch a healthy child suffer, unacceptable.

[Louis Leo IV]

12:58 PM on 05/02/2010

Great point. social networking exposes bullies and provides evidence that can be used against them for disciplinary action in schools. this principal would rather we continue to allow our children to be bullied in hallways and without any recourse but to run away and hide from these predatory children, allowing them to continue harming any and everyone they please.

This principal is the same kind of person who implemented some of the school board's policies in my hometown that deprive children of the right to defend themselves when physically assaulted by bullies. I remember I was in high school and a notorious thug approached me trying to instigate a fight with me. I wasn't having it, so I told him to either hit me or get out of my face. After he punched me in the face, I tackled him and put him in a headlock to defend myself. We were both suspended from school for 10 days.

Had I known what I know now I would have sued every single one of them. Since when do our children lose the right to defend themselves (particularly in a state like Florida where the Castle Doctrine is the law of the land?). Thankfully with social networking sites exposing children who are harrassing others, things shouldn't have to escalate to the extremes that many of us or our children have experienced and may have suffered from.

[unclesmedley]

11:51 AM on 05/02/2010

It's hard to imagine a wronger, lazier, less condescending, more oblivious response to a legitimate problem.

Setting aside the atavistic appeal of the "forbidden fruit" (just say no, anyone?) and the manifest impracticality of zero-tolerance policies, let's just focus on the fact the we are ten years into the 21st Century. The technology exists, and the kids are better at it that the grown-ups. All we can do is focus on the fundamentals: right & wrong, good & bad, nice & not-nice, etc., and hope for the best.

This principal needs to find a new line of work. There are numerous religious groups who would welcome his perspective.

[hubbardlake]

11:50 AM on 05/02/2010

I don't know about the rest of you, but when I'm at a family gathering, I really don't like my teen or 20 something nieces and nephews texting during a conversation. I belong to Facebook and I know they do, too. But I don't carry my "friends" with me everywhere I go. Whether it is an adult friend or teenaged friend, we need to let them know they have a choice - either participate with the human being in the room with you or take your "friend" conversation to another room. Just because we have the technology to do something 24/7 doesn't mean it has to be utilized 24/7.

[Alwaysalily]

11:43 AM on 05/02/2010

My 11 year old niece is on Facebook and I see no reason for her to be on there. She's friending her mother's friends (all adults). As soon as one of them puts a vulgar "status" on their FB, it goes onto my niece's page. She's also joing groups that her mother joins when she has not had the experience of what the site is about. On vacation days from school, all she and her same-age friends do is toss insults back and forth to each other. Those comments pull up on my FB page and I wonder if there is an adult in any of their households that can't tell those kids to stop it.

I'm not a fan of a youngster being on Facebook. Get outside and play or go somewhere and do something with your friends instead of being on FB.

[Louis Leo IV]

11:42 AM on 05/02/2010

How about you teach your children how to social network responsibly? Maybe show them how to use privacy settings, and warn them about the dangers of giving out information?

No....Ban it! Then you can board up your child'ren's windows, chain them to the bed, and keep them a prisoner in your new dungeon-like household.

While you're at it, make sure you continue to teach your kids that the only way to prevent STD's and unplanned pregnancies is abstinence!

We all know what happens when you try and shelter your kids from reality. Just go to any college dormatory and you'll see.

[dramaglama]

11:46 AM on 05/02/2010

Spot on!

[Robert Meek]

01:14 PM on 05/02/2010

How about better options in FB for parental controls, like there used to be, so they can control whom their kids "friends," etc.

[Louis Leo IV]

03:27 PM on 05/02/2010

Was that a serious suggestion? It's hard to sense sarcasm in writing, like my post above was. But if you're being serious...

FB aside, what if your parents told you who you could and could not be friends with? Granted, I'm sure there are parents that do this. But in the end, they're only going to make it a lot worse for their child when he/she leaves the nest...

Anyone remember College Girls Gone Wild?!

[NoahVail]

11:36 AM on 05/02/2010

Yes, let's turn back the hands of time. If we had only enforced those bans on Rock & Roll back in the 1950's, then we would not have to take this action now.

See you in Church on Wednesday night, folks.

[hallie5]

11:34 AM on 05/02/2010

It has been shown in one of the cyberbullying cases the adults were no more responsible than the kids.

[Louis Leo IV]

03:32 PM on 05/02/2010

Great point. You're referring to the mother who created a social networking profile and used it to bully one of her daughter's classmates into hanging herself, right?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WW14kz3TKug