10 Things To Say (And 10 Not To Say) To Someone With Depression (PHOTOS)

What do you say to someone who's depressed? All too often, it's the wrong thing.

"People still have such a cloudy idea of what mental illness is," says Kathleen Brannon, of Herndon, Va.

"Sometimes people will say, 'Oh, you're depressed? Yeah, I've been depressed,' and you realize just the way they say it that, nooo, it's not quite the same thing. It's not just that I'm feeling sad or blue."

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Below is a list of helpful things to tell someone battling depression, followed by what not to say, courtesy of the Depression Alliance.

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I'm Here For You

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What to say: You’re not alone in this. What NOT to say: There’s always someone worse off than you are.

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What to say:
You’re not alone in this.

What NOT to say:
There’s always someone worse off than you are.

comments(554)

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Comments

[Livinginthenow]

01:16 AM on 07/22/2010

Wow, tons of comments from the people who suffer depression and the unfortunates who have no idea what it is and still criticize. It's encouraging to see the attention mental illness is receiving but we have a long way to go before people begin to understand these types of illnesses. Compassion is a good place to start.

[yogisusan]

10:05 PM on 07/21/2010

Amazingly, people have actually said the do not say things to me. You are correct, they don't help! Thanks for getting the word out.

[senorlou]

11:43 AM on 07/12/2010

Yes, read this article, folks. No, you DON'T know what it's like, and you better hope you never will. If you have Major Depression, you are sicker than a dog. Look at the ignorance in the posts this thread. Unbelievable.

[medicontheedge]

03:18 PM on 07/10/2010

More useless, enabling, platitudes.... heaven forbid those around someone who is "depressed" should be honest and forthright.... depressed folks need to know upfront that the world, in fact, does NOT revolve only around them.... they need to truly work with their health care workers to set realisitic goals, and not expect everyone esle to become sucked into THEIR pity party.

[Imasqre]

03:28 PM on 07/10/2010

yeah, just like those people with broken legs should just stop being so lazy and get up and walk.

[medicontheedge]

05:39 PM on 07/10/2010

Oh, stop it... it is NOT the same thing.

[siasina]

02:44 AM on 07/11/2010

Depression is a serious problem. Until you have experienced it yourself or someone you love has, you don't know how it feels. When someone you love gets suicidal because they are depressed, and then go through with it, then get back to us. You have to show compassion, not negativity. You don't understand.

[athenatwo]

10:22 AM on 07/11/2010

Yes, I do understand. I went to the Univ. of Md too and was horribly depressed. I didn't have anyone else to turn to and it was sink or swim. I swam. I knuckled under and got through each course every day. I was crying on the inside but very strong on the outside. I did have to white knuckle my way through but I made it. I didn't whine and wreck my life because I was miserable, I licked it by doing my duty and doing things which were scary and unpleasant. It works. What doesn't work: drugs (not not not) and feeling sorry for yourself. Get off your butt and get moving or suffer the consequence alone.

[bloomingdedalus]

08:14 AM on 07/10/2010

Hmmm - I think I've heard all those 10 things before at one time or another in my life. The trick is - depressed people will work if you just keep hurting them.

[Artemis34]

02:42 AM on 07/10/2010

Is a drill sergeant a good therapist?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFgiUm4lQig&feature=player_embedded

[santiago sherwood]

09:43 PM on 07/09/2010

my ex suffered from depression, it was taxing to put up with it.and as supportive as you try , it takes a toll on the whole family. personally I now lost my empathy considering how it made my kids suffer. to help them through it, is exhausting

[asolom]

06:45 AM on 07/10/2010

That's your decision. I can empethize. It's a choice you have to make. Either the good qualiie outweight the disadvantatges, or thjey don I resufee to judge you, as yuou did tghe bvustgf witjh what you got.

[JMWT1495]

08:34 PM on 07/09/2010

While I wouldn't recommend this, I once (somewhat accidentally) helped a friend who was obsessively going on about how she was going to do away with herself by blurting out, "I'll kill you if you commit suicide!"

Why the absurdity of the statement was enough to snap her out of her determination to end it all is a mystery, but it broke the spell long enough for me to get her some professional help.

[Daoine]

09:12 AM on 07/15/2010

What works for one might not work for any other. I'm glad you found something your friend would respond to. Thank you for being a caring person with the insight necessary to help. She is lucky to have you in her life. :)

[brahdog]

08:17 PM on 07/09/2010

"shake it off"

"it's a beautiful day, you shouldn't be depressed"

and my favorite: "smile!" ...inspires murderous thoughts in me

[senorlou]

11:42 AM on 07/12/2010

I always liked "suck it up." "Just grow up, already," was another one. If you aren't bleeding with broken bones, most folks just can't understand what's wrong with you.

[inthedesert]

07:24 PM on 07/09/2010

Having suffered from severe depression in the past and now being on an antidepressant I can truely say that people who believe they can "think" their way out of depression are playing a very dangerous game with themselves. When one is deeply depressed, it is very difficult to think "rationally" about anything. The simple act of going to the mailbox or the grocery store became an overwhelming task for me. I have a friend who thinks that people who go to shrinks and take antidepressants in order to function every day are just "weak people". He doesn't get it at all. Trying to think yourself out of a deep depression is just.......crazy! LOL.

[juliebird]

08:19 PM on 07/09/2010

Yeah. I find that the people who think people who get treatment are "weak," tend to medicate themselves with alcohol, drugs, shopping, etc.

[Daoine]

09:22 AM on 07/15/2010

One of the hardest things I've ever had to do was tell myself it was time to get help. Fortunately, for me at least, medication was all that was needed to correct chemical imbalances. I have never agreed that people with depression are "weak" although that seems to be one of the most prevalent terms you'll hear bandied about. I know that the feeling of shame and guilt because of my "weakness" made it even harder to admit to myself that help was necessary because that meant that all of the people who judged me as BEING weak had to be right, right? It's a tough, tough place to be in. I hope if it ever comes around again, I will have the experience and the foresight to recognize it for what it is and be able to avoid all of the gut/soul wrenching agonizing over what's really going on.

[Toonguy]

11:28 AM on 07/10/2010

The problem is that dealing with mental issues like depression are not as straightforward as setting a broken bone. Indeed, there is no "x-ray" that clearly identifies specific mental problems, their causes and cures. Unlike other parts of the body, we still just don't know that much about the brain. But it is ridiculous to assume that while a heart can fail and kidneys can fail, a brain will never malfunction.

But even though he doesn't quite get it, your friend is right. Therapists can only steer us in the right direction. There is no "bone setting" that they can do for us. We have to do the actual work to heal ourselves.

[JDM73]

06:20 PM on 07/09/2010

I was diagnosed with major depression at age ten and, honestly, I haven't seen understanding increase to any noticeable degree in the last 27 years. I've seen lots of advertisements for Zoloft and Paxil on TV, but depression is still very poorly understood. It's discouraging.

[henryWhatsis]

05:36 PM on 07/09/2010

The best thing my mother ever did for me when I was depressed, was come into my bedroom and yell "GET OUT OF BED AND DO SOMETHING!" It made me realize that if I was going to get over being in my hole, I'd have to do it myself. That day I started calling therapists.

[brahdog]

08:19 PM on 07/09/2010

my father used to say the same thing to me. but he was a tyrant. so it didn't work with me.

[KCM7]

05:00 PM on 07/09/2010

The only thing that would make me smile for a long time was labeling myself as looney/crazy, otherwise everytime I walked through the door that said "Mental Health" it would be too depressing. Perhaps I smiled because I knew I wasn't crazy.

[JMWT1495]

07:58 PM on 07/09/2010

Laughing at oneself is the best medicine.

When confronted by someone demanding to know why I did something that was really daft, I often respond with "Insanity runs in the family."

I accept the fact that I will never be completely "normal." While I strive to do the best I can with the limitations I have, I finally got to the point where I no longer feel quite as bad about them. With the experiences I've had, I wouldn't be human if I wasn't slightly askew.

[asolom]

03:37 PM on 07/09/2010

While this "article" is way overly simplistic, and gives no real information (except for some of the "not" comments below it) it is still better than nothing...I think. Nowhere does it go into causes (chemical imbalance, abuse, replaying, traumatic experience from crime or war, to name a few) and does not differentiate from clinical depression and other types, and their synergistic effects. Nor does it go into the relationships between fear, uncertainty, anger, depression and suicide. Let's hear it for oversimplication, and the fostering of more.

It's kinda like trying to explain The Unified Field Theory in 100 words. It is a space filler. Oh yeah, I forgot. The title says nothing about explaining anything. It implies that the article is used as an excuse to put up pretty (useless) pictures. It's a total waste of time and denigrates a real (chemical) disease.

As HP expands, as any good would-be mega does, it trys to expand into areas that it (when done this way) shouldn't be in in the first place. Do it right, or don't do it. That's how credibility goes bye-bye.

[henryWhatsis]

05:37 PM on 07/09/2010

I couldn't agree more.

[ruffmama]

06:33 PM on 07/09/2010

yup

[weirwolf]

03:32 PM on 07/09/2010

I dated a depressed girl once. It sucked.

[asolom]

06:03 AM on 07/10/2010

maybe you were too selfish or lazy, or you didn't have what it takes, emotionally (strength)and weren't able to make a committment to raiasubng a person up. Or suporting them to the extent that they needed it. Maybe you needed help too, or maybe you were just too lazy or didn't consider the person worthy enough (in a selfish way) to invest the effort. I don't know... I married mine. She's a very intelligent person and a great artist, and a creative thinker thinking creatively always comes with a price, and a mentor (foil). In any case, you were'nt committed to do what's necessary. And you might have called it "love". More's the pity..

[johnmorgan]

02:53 PM on 07/10/2010

You can date people who are positive, or people who are negative. Which of the two would most people prefer to be with?

[weirwolf]

11:05 AM on 07/12/2010

"She's a very intelligent person and a great artist, and a creative thinker thinking creatively always comes with a price"

--so you married this great girl, but she is depressed? dunno, im glad you found your happiness, but mine is not with a depressed girl and i don't want to fix some one who dosen't want to be helped.