Kevin Pezzi, Big Government's Bizarre Racial-Relations Expert, Is Quite The Sexpert

08/05/2010 03:46 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Over at Andrew Breitbart Presents Big Government, someone named Dr. Kevin Pezzi has been offering up commentary on the recently-defamed USDA official Shirley Sherrod, cautioning ABPBG readers that they might "not want to join the Shirley Sherrod fan club." To Pezzi's mind, Sherrod doesn't "deserve to be put on a pedestal for overcoming racism."

Media Matters has taken a closer look at Pezzi, and boy howdy, the guy is so bizarre that I almost suspect something deeply satiric is going on here:

Pezzi, who says that "Breitbart asked me to write for," has a peculiar self-described history. Pezzi claims to be responsible for "over 850 inventions" and schemes such as a "magic bullet" for cancer, a "robotic chef," and sexual inventions like "penile enlargement techniques" and "ways to tighten the vagina" (because "men like women with tight vaginas"). Pezzi has started multiple websites, from term paper helpers to a sexual help site that answers "your questions about sexual attraction, pleasure, performance, and libido" (Pezzi is qualified to do so because "No doctor in the world knows more about sexual pleasure than I do").

Pezzi also claims to have "beaten Bill Gates" on a math aptitude test, turned down a blind date with Katie Couric, and says he's "bigger than some porno stars."

Actually, Media Matters might be soft-selling Pezzi here. On his Facebook page, Pezzi touts his aptitude for building "fancy sheds" ("I built a shed that looks exactly like a lighthouse!"), is "developing a robotic device that will make you wonder if you've been teleported a century into the future" ("...if we become friends, I might give you one"), created "an alternative to e-mail that is inherently resistant to spam" and a bunch of resources that enable enhanced web-dating, including a website that allows anyone to use any dating site on the Internet for free ("legally too"), and "a site that makes it easy to write better "About Me" profile essays and headlines for online dating."

Pezzi is also the sexiest sexxpert to ever dispense sexxpertise:

What most doctors learn about sex in medical school would barely fill a thimble. My medical school emphasized sex more than most others, but even though I graduated in the top 1% of my class, I didn't know nearly enough about sex. As luck would have it, I took a medication that virtually destroyed my sex life. I sought help from various doctors and found their level of knowledge disappointingly amateurish. I firmly believe that anyone called a "doctor" should have doctor-level knowledge, so I sought to remedy this deficit in my training by reading extensively and conducting research. After many years of this, I knew things that you would give your right arm for. This info is not easy to obtain. You could spend the rest of your life reading about sex in books and on various websites, and you still wouldn't know half of what I do. In my opinion, authors should not write about sex unless they master the underpinnings of sex, such as biology, chemistry, organic chemistry, statistics, physics, electronics, biochemistry, genetics, anatomy, physiology, nutrition, histology, microbiology, endocrinology, pharmacology, embryology, and pathology, as well as training in the various branches of medicine such as obstetrics, gynecology, urology, surgery, internal medicine, radiology, dermatology, neurology, pediatrics, emergency medicine, and so forth. I've had all those courses and many more, and I've excelled in every one, scoring at or near the top of my class. In contrast, more than a few sex authors deem themselves qualified to write about sex because they love it and are very attractive. Hot young women who say they are "sexperts" are often pictured on the covers of their books, and one was egotistical enough to include her picture on every page in her book.

Gah! Just reading that made me too exhausted to throw my junk inside somebody!

In addition to all of this, Media Matters points out that he's not exactly worth hoisting on the pedestal of racial transcendance either:

The racism criticism is ironic coming from Pezzi, who has repeatedly used racial epithets like "Japs" and "Chinks," and claimed Native and African Americans should have been grateful for their subjugation by whites.

Numerous instances are cited, including one where he explains that it's okay to use the term "chinks" to refer to the Chinese as long as you are referring to the "bad Chinese."

Still, we should definitely highlight at least one of Pezzi's good points:

The first woman to read [Pezzi's The Science of Sex] book wrote to me to report that she obtained the most intense orgasm of her life after trying one of the new methods I discussed -- a method that I invented, so no one else has yet written about it. Even when I discuss topics that you might think are so old that nothing new could be said about them, I offer a new perspective. Take vibrators, for example. I begin with a discussion of the various types of nerve receptors, and then explain that while currently-available vibrators are good, they could be better. Consistent with the other practical advice in my book, I explain how you can easily modify a vibrator to give you more pleasure. (The engineers in Taiwan who design vibrators evidently haven't been to medical school, and don't have a clue how to maximize pleasure. I do.)

So, Pezzi will obviously have the last laugh when he ushers in an era of super-intense orgasms with his forthcoming vibrating bonerbot from the future.

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