Couples Who Pray Together Really Do Stay Together, Study Finds

By Adelle M. Banks
Religion News Service

(RNS) The old adage "couples who pray together stay together" may be true, especially for African-Americans, a new study shows.

The survey of religion, race and relationships found that African-Americans attend church more as couples compared to members of other racial and ethnic groups.

Four in 10 African-American respondents said they attended services regularly as a couple, according to a study published in the August issue of the Journal of Marriage and Family. In comparison, 31 percent of Mexicans or Mexican-Americans, and 29 percent of whites, said they regularly shared a pew.

"Without prayer, black couples would be doing significantly worse than white couples," said W. Bradford Wilcox, a co-author of the study and the director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia. "The vitality of African-Americans' religious lives gives them an advantage over other Americans when it comes to relationships. This advantage puts them on par with other couples."

In addition to worshipping together, African-Americans were found to be more likely than non-Hispanic whites to participate in prayer and Scripture studies at home.

In general, researchers found that people in same-faith relationships and partners who attended services regularly were more satisfied with their relationship.

But scholars said religion may not always help couples. Those with divergent religious beliefs and worship attendance tend to not be as happy about their relationships.

The study, which was based on responses to the 2006 National Survey of Religion and Family Life, does have limitations, scholars cautioned. For example, the responses to the survey came from one partner's report on the quality of their relationship and the extent of their religious involvement.

Comments

[BC17]

03:48 PM on 08/19/2010

You know what they say about families that pray together.....

....they're brainwashing their children!!!

[marind]

05:05 AM on 08/19/2010

They only had responses from one half of the couple? Hmm.. I'd take their results about "happiness" with a grain of salt.

Also, it's been noted that evangelicals often ignore serious problems (abuse, alcoholism, etc.) because it doesn't fit with their image of being "saved." (See e.g the book "Stealing Jesus.")

However, sharing a world-view is an important part of a relationship, so agreed upon religious beliefs would strengthen a union, regardless of what the beliefs are.

[suemj]

06:24 PM on 08/18/2010

Some people have stated making strong determinations, and fighting hard to make their marriages work. Cause and effect, what they put into it, they've gotten back; And some accrue determinations with a prayer.

[Jimmy Boy]

10:52 PM on 08/15/2010

I think what this study really points to is couples that put time and effort into their marraige will have a much lower rate of divorce. I think praying together gets couples to turn off the tv, the music, the crapberries, the computers, the texting and all the other distractions of life and focus on each other. I think having a healthy sex life is another way to spend time with each other.

Do I think prayer is the only way to acheive spending time together, not at all. I have many non relgious friends that put a lot of effort into their marraige.

But I do think couples that spend quality time with each other will have better relationships. If pray helps couples meet that goal, more power to them.

[artist-53]

12:47 PM on 08/15/2010

The article stated at the end, "the responses to the survey came from one partner's report on the quality of their relationship and the extent of their religious involvement."

Doesn't this negate the headlines or opening statements? So the study actually can't prove what the title states. I'm having difficulty w/ this article. It does not take into account the historical and cultural aspects of a particular community. Nor does it mention divorce rates w/i the black community. How divorce may be effected by income and though a couple may not be legally divorced, they may indeed be living apart. Divorces cost money. Does not provide stats on African American males and females, where the number of marriages has declined over the years. It just seems as if the article failed to look deeper and look at all aspects . And then in the end of the article, to state,

"the responses to the survey came from one partner's report on the quality of their relationship and the extent of their religious involvement."

So I think this article cannot be viewed as conclusive. Rather it tries to state what it's not. While not providing any evidence for the title's claim.

[nexxtep54]

11:53 AM on 08/15/2010

Gee, we've been married 24 years without a prayer.

[lotus321]

05:31 PM on 08/17/2010

Oh somebody is praying........

[Jerrodg]

10:04 AM on 08/18/2010

Someone is offering bones to a witch doctor too, but we don't give the shaman credit for successful marriages. Keep talking to your imaginary friend, those of us that know better will actually try to better ourselves, rather than waiting around for an imaginary chaperone to do so.

[timm553]

09:13 AM on 08/15/2010

I have come to the conclusion that the leading cause of divorce is marriage.

[timm553]

09:11 AM on 08/15/2010

I'm not really surprised that a shared delusion could be seen as a reason for two people to stay together. It makes sense.

[pathenry]

04:25 AM on 08/14/2010

What's the take-home lesson here?

If the observation is true, that people who "pray together, stay together", we are still left with a correlation, not causation.

A stable couple, staying together as a family, is more likely to do lots of things together: eat dinner together; work with their children on their homework; care for aging parents and, of course, go to church together. Or not.

One might test the hypothesis: "Families in which both parents are atheists are more stable than those in which one is an atheist and the other is a regular churchgoer." The headline reporting the research might just as well read "Families that disbelieve together, stay together".

I'm sure that organized religion has saved some, even many, marriages but it's a stretch to claim that church-going is a panacea for troubled unions. If that were so, explain to me the high rate of divorce among practicing Christians in conservative parts of America.

Norman Rockwell could paint a lovely picture of a harmonious, happy family, united in prayer at the dinner table. Sadly, myth is not reality. If Rockwell were a realist he would have given the wife a few bruises and a black eye, and added evidence of child abuse.

Just sayin'. Religion is nice. It's a tool but it's far from a panacea.

[BlackYowe]

11:51 AM on 08/14/2010

Its not a tool or a panacea. Faith is a state of being. Most people of faith are positive in their out look while most atheists are angry cynics.

[Jerrodg]

10:05 AM on 08/18/2010

We are cynical because we see religious people destroying humanity one law at a time.

[BlackYowe]

01:55 AM on 08/14/2010

People who pray together stay together and people who stay together live longer and people who go to church live longer so read it an weep you cynics and haters.

[kooldalai]

09:24 PM on 08/14/2010

Chill.

[JoJoRae]

03:47 AM on 08/15/2010

So full of anger and judgment for one who is claiming faith to have a positive impact on people.

[cookerman45]

12:01 AM on 08/14/2010

they still LIE, CHEAT, LIE but they stay together.

[fightandorflight]

08:55 PM on 08/14/2010

and then they forgive each other

[studentintraining]

12:58 AM on 08/15/2010

Christians will then repent about their sins.

[cookerman45]

10:06 AM on 08/15/2010

repent..absolve..repeat.

[tbera]

03:26 PM on 08/13/2010

We also have to bear in mind the peer pressure and fear of appearances that keeps bad relationships going, not to mention the financial consequences. But like the article said, the study had it's limitations.

[studentintraining]

01:02 AM on 08/15/2010

The study found that couples that just went to church together had the same divorce rate as non-church going couples. But couples that pray together had a much, much lower rate of divorce. That is what the study found interesting. So your idea of peer pressure is incorrect in reference to this study.

[faithnj]

03:42 PM on 08/18/2010

yeah...the intimacy, that has to come about from praying together, is just in a totally different ball park. the number of people who can get someone to agree to pray with them on a regular basis is just not going to be as high. if you can find someone who agrees with you enough to pray with you, then you really have a marriage that is going to be a lot different than the vast majority that we see, regardless of religious affiliation or the lack of one.

[CadOps]

02:42 PM on 08/13/2010

So thats whay the dinosaurs didnt survive.

[lotus321]

05:32 PM on 08/17/2010

No a dinosaurs prayed for a meteor...ooops didn't mean for it to be that big, lol

[paleoimage]

10:11 AM on 08/13/2010

Another very deceptive headline supporting religion and suggesting that prayer can improve ones life or sustain a marriage. By separating the black population from other ethnic groups the authors have simply distorted the facts. Overall, whites are more likely to divorce (27 percent) than African-Americans (22 percent) While both racial groups are far more likely to divorce than Asian-Americans (9 percent) an ethnic group that has the greatest self identification as being secular, agnostic or non-religious.
Regarding religious participation, according to several studies, including a detailed survey by the Barna Group, those who identify themselves as being very religious - like Evangelicals and Baptists - have the highest divorce rate of any Christian denomination. More importantly they are far more likely to get a divorce than atheists and agnostics.
Statistically, Alabama, Tennessee and Arkansas, have the highest percentage of evangelical Christians and Baptists according to U.S. government statistics, and they are the top states for high divorce rates.

[Jimmy Boy]

11:57 PM on 08/15/2010

I studied this issue and the group with the highest rate of divorce is people who get married before 21 years of age. The divorce rate among this group is something like 80%. The divorce rate among people who wait until 28 years of age or more goes way down. In other words, you need to get out of your adololesent stage (me me me me me) before you can handle a relationship.

As a Christian, I think the church places a TON of pressure and guilt not to have pre maritual sex. So a lot of Christians get married young to have "proper relations" and end up in divorce 2 years latter. The non religious people have relationships at that age the end as well. They just didn't feel that guilt that they had to get married.

I think its a huge issue that is not talked about in Christian Churches. Personally, I think a LOT of kids walk away from the Christian faith because they puts an unbelivable amount af pressure and attention on sexual morality (more than other types of sin). Most kids simply don't want to deal with all that pressure and I don't blame them. I think it takes a VERY mature person to keep their labido in check and handle a relationship at a young age. I know people that did that. But its not easy.

To be honest, I didn't go to church much between 18 - 27 because of this issue.

[paleoimage]

01:26 AM on 08/16/2010

good point! Thanks for you insight...

[Patrick Cohen]

06:55 AM on 08/17/2010

Just keep in in the context guys. I am not a Christian nor a church goer but the point is not about going to church but praying together vs not praying together withing the same faith. So comparing the overall very religious - like Evangelicals and Baptists to atheist here is irrelevant.

[Cheapthrills]

09:28 AM on 08/13/2010

So, I guess if these couples also believe in the tooth fairy and the easter bunny their devotion to each other exponentially increases...fun stuff.

[LintLass]

12:52 PM on 08/13/2010

I'm pretty sure, Mr. 'Cheapthrills,' that if you somehow managed to get me to marry you and then started calling my faith 'Tooth Fairy,' lawyers would be on the line shortly. :)

[tjc27]

04:43 PM on 08/13/2010

I would hope you would have asked a few more questions before you got the ring.

[Jerrodg]

10:06 AM on 08/18/2010

I don't think that would be an issue. Athiests don't really look for infantiles as life partners. We prefer someone that can think for themself.

[ThinkCreeps]

03:46 PM on 08/13/2010

Don't mess with the relationship fairies - annoy them and they'll report you to the divorce leprechauns, and you'll be in a world of hurt.