A vitriolic war of words is just a lovers' quarrel in Thursday's episode of Jersey Shore.
The show begins with the fallout from a fistfight between JWoww and Sammi. Against all odds, Sammi is not killed, and actually brags about beating "the shit out of" Jenni. That's an overstatement, but going one round with JWoww and living to tell the tail is a victory in its own right.
After the hair extensions, fake nails and phony eyelashes are swept up, team M.V.P. (Mike, Vinny, Pauly) head to the beach to creep on some gals. Pauly sees a nice young girl who's eager to go swimming with him, but she has an outrageously large herpes sore oozing from her lip.
"Nothing like a nice herpe to ruin the party," Pauly says, speaking like a man who's had more than one good time come to an end because of a venereal disease.
Back at the house, the JWoww vs. Sammi battle royale has inexplicably brought Ronnie and Sam back together. The fight was started by an anonymous note Jenny and Snooki left for her. The letter detailed all the cheating Ronnie had been doing behind Sammi's back.
One would think that a note containing this information would serve to drive the couple apart, but not these two crazy kids.
"The letter actually brought us closer together," Ronnie says with a genuinely perplexed look on his face.
All it takes is an occasional compliment from Ron's mischievous lips and Sammi is all his. Even dry-humping the back of Sammi's head gets her motor running.
"It's like when you wanna believe Santa Claus is alive," The Situation says. "But Santa Claus is dead." Santa Claus isn't exactly deceased, Sitch, but point well taken.
Snooki meets a nice gentleman who's kind enough to sleep with her a couple times. Poor JWoww has to pretend to sleep while Snooks has sex with a man who's name she sporadically remembers.
On the last night of the episode, Vinny and Angelina get into a heated verbal brawl in which Vinny tells his fellow Staten Islander she looks like Rob Kardashian. Little does he know, he'll be having sex with Ms. Rob Kardashian a few hours later.
Earlier this season, Vinny not so kindly referred to Angelina as the "Staten Island Dump." Just call Vinny the "Trash Man."
See who else takes out the garbage on a new episode of Jersey Shore Sunday, at 7 p.m.