The Onion News Network made a shocking discovery recently about teen pop sensation Justin Bieber. It turns out, Bieber is actually 51-year-old pedophile Michael Cote, who has posed as the teen heartthrob for many years by wearing a wig and convincing rubber mask.
"In retrospect," an Investigator said, "Something as diabolical as Justin Bieber could only have been the product of a remorseless sex fiend."
Cotes's "innocently suggestive" lyrics have manipulated the minds of underage girls all over the country, but now he finds himself behind bars, thanks to the appearance of his face falling off when his mask came loose during a concert.
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