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Suicide Surge: Schools Confront Anti-Gay Bullying

High School

DAVID CRARY   10/ 9/10 06:34 PM ET  AP

NEW YORK — A spate of teen suicides linked to anti-gay harassment is prompting school officials nationwide to rethink their efforts against bullying – and in the process, risk entanglement in a bitter ideological debate.

The conflict: Gay-rights supporters insist that any effective anti-bullying program must include specific components addressing harassment of gay youth. But religious conservatives condemn that approach as an unnecessary and manipulative tactic to sway young people's views of homosexuality.

It's a highly emotional topic. Witness the hate mail – from the left and right – directed at Minnesota's Anoka-Hennepin School District while it reviews its anti-bullying strategies in the aftermath of a gay student's suicide.

The invective is "some of the worst I've ever seen," Superintendent Dennis Carlson said. "We may invite the Department of Justice to come in and help us mediate this discussion between people who seem to want to go at each other."

Carlson's district in the northern suburbs of Minneapolis is politically diverse, and there are strong, divided views on how to combat bullying.

"We believe the bullying policy should put the emphasis on the wrong actions of the bullies and not the characteristics of the victims," said Chuck Darrell of the conservative Minnesota Family Council.

That's a wrongheaded, potentially dangerous approach, according to the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network – which tries to improve the school climate for gay students nationwide.

"Policies have to name the problem in order to have an impact," said GLSEN's executive director, Eliza Byard. "Only the ones that name it see an improvement."

According to a 2009 GLSEN survey of 7,261 students, only 18 percent said their schools had a comprehensive program addressing anti-gay bullying, while gay students in schools that had such programs were less likely to be victimized and more likely to report problems to staff.

Across the political spectrum, every group weighing in on the issue had deplored the recent deaths – the latest in a long series of suicides over many years by harassed gay teens, but dramatic nonetheless because of the high toll in a short span.

The most recent and highest-profile case involved Rutgers University freshman Tyler Clementi, 18, who killed himself by jumping off the George Washington bridge after his roommate secretly recorded him with another male student, then broadcast the video online.

But at least four younger teens have killed themselves since July after being targeted by anti-gay bullying, including Justin Aaberg, 15, of Andover, Minn., who hanged himself in his room in July. His friends told his mother he'd been a frequent target of bullies mocking his sexual orientation.

Five other students in his Anoka-Hennepin school district have killed themselves in the past year, and gay-rights advocates say bullying may have played a role in two of these cases as well.

Carlson, the district superintendent, lost a teenage daughter of his own in a car crash, and says he shares the anguish of the parents bereaved by suicide. He acknowledges that a controversial district policy calling for "neutrality" in classroom discussions of sexual orientation may have created an impression among some teachers, students and outsiders that school staff wouldn't intervene aggressively to combat anti-gay bullying.

The district – Minnesota's largest – serves nearly 40,000 students in 13 towns. The school board adopted the neutrality policy in 2009 as a balancing act, trying not to offend either liberal or conservative families.

Rebecca Dearing, 17, a junior who belongs to the gay-straight alliance at the district's Champlin Park High School, said the neutrality policy caused teachers to shy away from halting anti-gay harassment – sometimes leaving her gay friends feeling vulnerable to the point where they don't come to school.

"This shouldn't be a political issue any more, when it's affecting the lives of our students," she said. "It's a human issue that needs to be dealt with. They can be doing more and they're not."

In August, amid the furor over the suicides, the district clarified its anti-bullying program – saying that it was not governed by the neutrality provision and had always been intended to encourage vigilant, proactive adult intervention to curb anti-gay harassment. Staffers were told failure to intervene would be punished.

Justin Aaberg's mother, Tammy Aaberg, is convinced the broader neutrality policy has been damaging to gay students and wants it changed. She said she heard belatedly from Justin's friends about instances in past years where he was harassed that she was never notified about even through staff members were aware.

Now she sees signs that the district wants to be more diligent, but isn't fully reassured.

"Most of the teachers and principals, and maybe even now the superintendent, they mean well – they want to intervene," she said. "But the teachers still don't know what they can and can't do."

Nadia Boufous Phelps, the school psychologist at Anoka's Blaine High School, is co-advisor for its gay-straight alliance – to which 27 of the 3,000 students belong. She welcomes the attempt to clarify the stance toward anti-gay bullying.

"In the past, the staff often would not intervene," she said. "Now the district has come out loud and clear, if you hear "That's so gay,' if you witness anything, you must do something."

Still, she said, "We still have a long way to go"

Carlson says his district, seven years ago, was among the first in the state to implement a comprehensive anti-bullying program. Now he's exasperated by the highly charged, politicized debate that has flared since Aaberg's suicide.

"It's a terribly sensitive situation," he said. "Hurtful statements on either side are not helpful ... and the kids are watching."

Phil Duran, staff attorney for the statewide gay rights group OutFront Minnesota, says Carlson and his colleagues are constrained by school board members who do not want to anger conservative voters in the district.

"They're between a rock and a hard place," he said. "I do think they want to do the right thing – I don't think they known what the right thing is."

Nationally, the recent suicides have intensified calls on Congress to pass a pending bill, the Safe Schools Improvement Act. It would require schools receiving federal funds to implement bullying prevention programs that specifically address anti-gay harassment.

Supporters of the act say it has bipartisan support, but the likelihood of Democratic losses in the Nov. 2 election cloud its prospects, and it is vehemently opposed by many conservatives.

"A lot of these anti-bullying programs are crossing the lines far beyond bullying prevention into adult-oriented material and politics," said Candi Cushman, education analyst for Focus on the Family. Mission America president Linda Harvey said the act would "incorporate mandatory pro-gay propaganda."

According to GLSEN, 10 states have anti-bullying laws along the lines of the Safe Schools Act – requiring specific components addressing anti-gay harassment. But gay-rights activists say enforcement and compliance is not uniform.

For example, Dave Reynolds of the Trevor Project, which seeks to combat teen suicides, says many California schools are not in compliance with the state's 10-year-old law. One problem area, he said, is California's Central Valley – the source of many calls to the Trevor Project's suicide hot line.

Jeffree Merteuil-Clark, 17, is a junior who's active in the gay-straight alliance at Frontier High School in Bakersfield, a Central Valley city not far from Tehachapi. That's the town where 13-year-old Seth Walsh, hanged himself outside his home last month after enduring taunts from classmates about being gay. He died after nine days in a coma.

Merteuil-Clark said the teachers who are sympathetic to bullied gay students tend to be cautious, fearing they might antagonize Kern County school administrators who want to "sweep the problem under the rug."

"Growing up gay in Kern County, you have all this opposition to you," he said. "It does have an impact on you. When you're little, you think the rest of the world hates you."

The debate has proved to be a minefield for the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program, one of the largest in the nation, as it strives to serve schools ranging from progressive to conservative.

"We have to be extremely careful," said Marlene Snyder, the Olweus development director, describing a community-by-community approach which enables schools to tailor the program as they see fit in regard to anti-gay bullying.

"We've worked in all kinds of schools," Snyder said. "Some have very much taken on the homophobic situation. Other schools won't touch it with a 10-foot pole."

GLSEN sees a mixed picture nationwide – gay-straight alliances continue to spread, numbering more than 4,000 nationwide, yet nine of 10 gay students in its latest survey reported suffering anti-gay harassment,

Asked for an example of an effective program, GLSEN leader Eliza Byard cited New York City's Respect for All Initiative. The district, which serves 1.1 million students, makes specific mention of sexual orientation in its anti-bullying training for teachers and its materials for students.

"There's always more to do," said Elayna Konstan, head of the Office of School and Youth Development. "We're always trying to do this work better."

Of course, even a highly praised anti-bullying program doesn't spare New York City from its own share of anti-gay violence. Police charged members of a street gang with brutally beating a recruit they suspected of being gay and torturing him and two other people last week.

___

Associated Press Writer Chris Williams in Minneapolis contributed to this report.

___

Online:

GLSEN: http://www.glsen.org/cgi-bin/iowa/all/home/index.html

Minnesota Family Council: http://www.mfc.org/

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NEW YORK — A spate of teen suicides linked to anti-gay harassment is prompting school officials nationwide to rethink their efforts against bullying – and in the process, risk entanglement...
NEW YORK — A spate of teen suicides linked to anti-gay harassment is prompting school officials nationwide to rethink their efforts against bullying – and in the process, risk entanglement...
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Kathryn Seifert
Psychologist writing on preventing violence
09:41 PM on 10/25/2010
Bullying involves mistreating someone because they are vulnerable or different or because the bully wants to take something from the victim. The bully uses any tactic that they can justify their behavior. A bully does not have sufficient skills to get their needs met without harming others. They also do not have empathy. Lack of emapthy past the age of 10 is usually related to trauma befrore the age of 5. Usually bullies have learned inappropriate behavior at home or in the community. Helping a bully will involve the youth, the bully, the family, the community, and the school. Bullying is never OK for any reason.

Bullies have serious problems that need professional intervention before things get out of hand. The culture has to be one that respects everyone, whether they are similar to us or not. We live in a wonderful, diverse world. Everyone counts and respect is the mature attitude for all of us. We need to teach respect to all of our students, black, white, oriental, gay, straight, overweight, thin or disabled. I cannot believe that a teacher would not step in when she sees a student being disrespectful to another because the victim is gay. That is just wrong. If we do not teach what is right and wrong in the moment when it happens, we can have a literate society with no morals. I don't think that would suit anyone. There are tried and tested ways to change inappropriate behaviors. We need to use them.
GlennInVenice
Venice; Where Art Meets Crime
01:29 AM on 10/19/2010
I was called f$g by other children long before I understood that I was different. It amazes me how well children can read one another and identify one who is different. I needed protection, education, and support long before I could think of why I needed it or who to ask for it.

Subconsciously adults do the same and many gay children grow up with one or both parents having distanced themselves from the child having sensed it was different.

Growing up gay means being a minority within your own family. It sometimes means attending Church on Sunday and listening to the preacher describe your nature in terms of demons, monsters, and overwhelming moral threats. It means reading the paper and finding out that the President doesn't believe you should be able to marry or serve in his military. You get to see signs on your neighbor’s front lawns supporting propositions that attack you.

If our gay children do not need our help; what child does?
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dbrett480
03:29 PM on 10/17/2010
Bullying is a huge problem, but so is teen suicide. Schools need to acknowledge suicide is the leading cause of death of teenagers and provide more services to teens that might be in high-risk categories. 99.99% of teens get bullied and don't commit suicide, so let's acknowledge that suicide happens and stop covering it up.
05:49 PM on 10/18/2010
And it's not only gays that get bullied. Thats what i find annoying Also sucide is highest in S. Korea not because of gay bullying but from the pressure of school(making grades) in a sese intense capitalism causes suicides in that country
02:31 AM on 10/15/2010
When I studied in Taipei I had to endure an experience eerily similar to that of Tyler Clementi. I brought home my boyfriend one night, and my roommates secretly recorded us and posted it on the internet. I was forced to move to a different room because my roommates felt uncomfortable about what they had done, and then I was kicked out of the dorm one week later with no chance to appeal. The university told me if I tried to appeal their decision they'd take me to court.

This is why Tyler Clementi's story deeply surprised and affected me. I consider myself lucky that I was studying in a foreign country when this happened. I don't know what I would have done if I were Taiwanese and outed, or if I actually had to stay at the university longer than a semester. As it was I felt completely abandoned and my study abroad program was completely unhelpful.

It saddens me that there are college students, both in the US and in other countries, who are so immature that they disregard the privacy of others. And even worse, to post something like that online...
06:17 PM on 10/14/2010
"We believe the bullying policy should put the emphasis on the wrong actions of the bullies and not the characteristics of the victims,"
This is actually a theologically approach in disguise. Just as Alcoholics Anonymous uses biblical principals in disguise to effectively free people from their negative personality traits. Taking an objective look at ourselves goes a long way in changing ourselves. Since all humans are grossly imperfect, by default we pass on bad traits. It is not only the bullies that have something to "fix." Encouraging young boys to embrace effeminacy cannot be the solution. Why is it that homosexuals are so angry when they hear that someone broke free from homosexuality? I have heard homosexuals heckle ex-homosexuals, claiming that, "Oh, you're gay; and you will always be gay." What is that about? Misery likes company? It's obviously a pathological world; and bullies are not the only ones who need observation. It's a comprehensive mess. Of course, my solution is to give a troubled youth both views; and don't block them into a homosexual corner, Notwithstanding, numerous ex-homosexuals exist. Whether people want to face it or not is up to them.
GlennInVenice
Venice; Where Art Meets Crime
01:07 AM on 10/19/2010
The Washington State Psychological Association policy in part states:

Psychologists do not provide or sanction cures for that which has been judged not to be an illness. Individuals seeking to change their sexual orientation do so as a result of internalized stigma and homophobia; given consistent scientific demonstration that there is nothing about homosexuality per se that undermines psychological adjustment. It is therefore our objective as psychologists to educate and change the intolerant social context, not the individual who is victimized by it. Conversion treatments, by their very existence, exacerbate the homophobia which psychology seeks to combat.
GlennInVenice
Venice; Where Art Meets Crime
01:08 AM on 10/19/2010
The APA's position paper on therapies to change sexual orientations includes the following:

The validity, efficacy and ethics of clinical attempts to change an individual's sexual orientation have been challenged. … There are no scientifically rigorous outcome studies to determine either the actual efficacy or harm of reparative treatments…. Until there is such research available, APA recommends that ethical practitioners refrain from attempts to change individuals' sexual orientation, keeping in mind the dictum to first, do no harm.8
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dbrett480
01:53 PM on 10/14/2010
Teenage suicide is a serious problem and (in addition to anti-bullying programs) more effort needs to be made at suicide prevention programs at high schools. Acknowledging that many teens think about suicide is the first step.
12:16 PM on 10/14/2010
If you've been bullied for being gay, you've been mentally raped. It tears your heart out and leaves you covered with shame and guilt. Time to re-label this type of bullying in order to deal more effectively with the predators.
05:43 PM on 10/13/2010
Now I know THIS is un-PC, but once, just once, I'd like to see an article where a bunch of bullied gay kids band together and beat the living snot out of one of those bullies.
GlennInVenice
Venice; Where Art Meets Crime
01:09 AM on 10/19/2010
We do it all the time however our approach is not violence but revenge through better living.
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Akizme72
Lace Up Hike On Go Off the Beaten Trails
09:19 PM on 10/11/2010
Maybe what I am going to say is going to sound un-PC, but I think that anti-bullying action starts at home with proper parenting.
Children need to be exposed to many a different experience, may it be in the field of arts, culture, sports etc etc instead of being secluded into little realms of denial where everything is all "pony sparkles and unicor rainbows" (whatever that means).
Teaching kids aboutsexuality and cultural and religious differences goes a long way towards building more better rounded teenagers and adults. I remember being 12 years old when my dad sat me down with an encyclopedia on Human reproduction, gave me a 2-hour long lecture on it, then told me everything there was to know about cigarettes, alcohol, drugs and unprotected sex and concluded with these words: "now, no matter what your decisions are going to be from now on, you can never say 'but dad, i did not know'. I will always be on your side, but never shy away from you responsibilities in the outcome of the choices you make".

Tolerance starts at home, and it is the parents' responsibilty first, the teachers' next... Not the other way around.
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Jericho the Red
moderate before it was called liberal.
10:28 AM on 10/14/2010
Fanned and Faved
05:26 AM on 10/11/2010
No matter how much we talk this to death, or how much light is shined upon the subject, kids will always bully. My parents did the right thing, they didn't lie about how the world is all sunshine and rainbows. I was equipped and properly prepared for antagonistic confrontations, both mental and physical.

Parents don't gloss over reality, prepare your children for the worst possible scenario. Give them detailed instruction of what to do in differing situations. Most importantly instill them with the self confidence needed to weather difficult situations.
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freddychef
Tue,4 Nov '14 Dems take House! & Majority Senate!!
06:46 PM on 10/11/2010
hate, fear, bigotry, & racism is learned. it is not something a child is born with.
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Jericho the Red
moderate before it was called liberal.
10:32 AM on 10/14/2010
the parents should teach their children to be strong and resilient-
BUT Parents should also teach tat you should never pick on anyone, and to be a bully is a sign of weakness and fear.. You don't NOT teach your kids that picking on people is wrong and shows fear and ignorance
03:17 PM on 10/14/2010
I don't think bullying is a sign of weakness and fear. I think it's a sign that while humans have intelligence, we are still animals. In any human social situation we always establish a pack hierarchy. The problem is that kids haven't learned the "civilized" way of doing this.
03:54 AM on 10/11/2010
We need to protect our kids... no one should live in fear and in pain...A child realizing they are gay has enough to deal with on a personal, spiritual and family level. They don't need to feel hated by their peers,on top of all the fear and confusion they already feel. Why can't we except differences instead of hating them? If you feel being gay is a sin, well... doesn't God teach you to hate the sin, but love the sinner?
Our kids are sufffering... doesn't anyone care? When is the last time you hugged a kid dealing with this? told them you loved them... that god loved them?
The bible says:
"Beloved, let us love one another. For love is of God, and every one that loves is born of God and knows God. He that does not love, does not know God... for God is love" I John 4:7-8
Beloved let us love one another.
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MJinCanada
Safe from zombies until my 2nd cup of coffee
01:43 AM on 10/11/2010
I don't know if it was the drama students at my sons' high school who adapted the book of short stories about growing up gay, called "I Could Not Speak My Heart", to a play or if someone else did, but they put on a very moving performance a couple of years ago. They got invited to perform several times -- at the university, for school trustees, for parents and so on.

http://www.amazon.com/Could-Not-Speak-Heart-Publications/dp/0889771782
owlbreath
When you seek it, you cannot find it.
11:31 PM on 10/10/2010
But religious conservatives condemn that approach as an unnecessary and manipulative tactic to sway young people's views of homosexuality.

The only view being promoted is that even if you harbor negative feelings about homosexuality, you have no right to harass and intimidate someone because they are gay.
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Logos Land
U mad?
11:25 PM on 10/10/2010
What about confronting bullying in general? Most of those bullied are probably overweight, or look different somehow. I despise bullies of every kind.
11:01 PM on 10/10/2010
This article could be more appropriately be titled, "Despite Suicide Surge: Schools Neglect to Confront Anti-Gay Bullying"