You wouldn't think that a professional glutton could be addicted to weight loss, but it's happened -- I am now claiming the title of world's fattest anorexic. All I want to do is not eat. When I tell people I'm a food writer, they frequently ask, "How are you not 400 pounds?" Well, I'll tell you, dear reader. Last spring, I was inching toward three bills. But since then, I have lost 22 pounds and have kept them off for the past four months, all without going near a vegetable or getting up from my chair. It was an unwholesome and unhealthy business, and I wouldn't recommend it to anybody. I can't write a diet book (because I'd probably get sued) or make an infomercial about it (because it would be mistaken for a PSA about depression). But I'll share with you the highlights of how I did it -- with the caveat to not try this at home.