Mormons Soften Language On Gays

By Peggy Fletcher Stack
The Salt Lake Tribune/Religion News Service

(RNS) A newly published compilation of guidelines used worldwide by leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has softened the language about gay Mormons.

The book, known as the Church Handbook of Instructions, lays out Mormon policies on everything from baptism to running a worship service to counseling troubled marriages.

The updated reference book, scheduled to be presented to thousands of Mormon leaders in a giant televised training session Saturday (Nov. 13), will set the tone for church interactions for years to come.

The new handbook makes a clear distinction between same-sex orientation and behavior. It eliminates the suggestion, mentioned in a 2006 edition, that same-sex relationships "distort loving relationships" and that gays should repent of their "homosexual thoughts or feelings."

It also says that celibate gay Mormons who are "worthy and qualified in every other way" should be allowed to have "callings," or church assignments, and to participate fully in temple rituals.

The handbook simply repeats what top LDS leaders have been trying to say, but in more explicit terms that many members will understand, said David Pruden, president of Evergreen International, a support group that helps gay Mormons live by church standards.

Sometimes in the past, when a gay Mormon told his bishop he was struggling with same-sex feelings, the local leader would immediately call a "disciplinary council," Pruden said. "They didn't understand something that was foreign to them."

These members were trying to be faithful to the church and looking for help, he said. Instead they were hurt and punished. The new tweaks, Pruden said, "will bless people by making it easier for them to come forward."

The changes are "baby steps in the right direction," said Mitch Mayne, an openly gay and active Mormon in the Bay Area. "At least the handbook takes the damning terminology out of it."

But as long as the church makes homosexuality into a "subversive, taboo thing," Mormon gays will have sex in parks and truck stops, he said. "We wrap being gay in so much shame, and shame brings acting-out behavior."

Comments

[DevonTexas]

01:49 PM on 11/19/2010

how kind of them... they put a towel over the bat they use to beat gay people with!

[Ioan Lightoller]

02:24 PM on 11/23/2010

Like I told my friends: "The velvet glove covering an iron fist."

[Mitch Mayne]

01:36 AM on 11/19/2010

I had to chuckle when I read the accusation that I was a deluded log cabin republican or in any way affiliated with Schubert Flint PR. I am about as liberal as they come--and I happen to also be a gay Mormon. But thanks for thinking I was skilled enough to be a secret PR or Log Cabin spy...I appreciated the chuckle! mitchmayne/blogspot.com/

[liberal123]

10:20 PM on 11/18/2010

The mormons are attempting to counter the negative image that was generated by their massive support for Prop 8. The softening of their rhetoric is a PR attempt. They are not fooling anyone. They are in the vanguard of the fight against all gay rights from marriage to gay kids in the boy scouts. Even their new "softened" position is repugnantly anti-gay.

[Ioan Lightoller]

03:33 PM on 11/20/2010

Exactly. This is nothing more than a velvet glove over an iron fist. As you have noted, the hateful policy essentially remains the same. Hopefully no GLBT person will be stupid enough to believe that there is any stubtantive change in the LDS attitude vis a vis GLBT people.

[RutherfordLaser]

09:58 PM on 11/18/2010

Or: Mormons realize gays have money.

[GirlOutWest]

07:48 PM on 11/18/2010

They've soften towards Gays? After spending a gazillion dollars fighting Prop 8? I don't trust them plus they gave us Glenn Beck.

[ColoradoBrad]

01:17 AM on 11/17/2010

Off subject slightly but why does the Gay community work so hard at explaining that they were born Gay? It belittles who they are. The argument of You must accept me because I was born this way is weaker than I chose to be Gay. While truthfully many if not the majority are gay because they follow their born nature but many are Gay because of this own choice. As with any group of people some were naturally leaning, some developed certain beliefs or feelings because of life and experience while others may do it for comfort, rebellion, curiosity, etc...

I will admit my experience is limited to only a handful of Gay friends and family members who I felt comfortable asking questions to. In my small sample more than 1/2 to 2/3 told me they were born Gay or developed strong Gay feelings early in life while the other smaller 1/2 to 1/3rd chose to be Gay because of life experience. The life experiences varied from enjoying sex and exploring their curiosity, two because of mistrust in men due to rape and molestation, another moved to a large gay community and became close with many gay friends.

These are honest questions

[Bob Kellerman]

02:19 AM on 11/17/2010

WHOA, CLEM!! Read a book, do not make up social science out of your axs!

OF COURSE THEY ARE NOT "HONEST QUESTIONS"

It's YOU trying to promote a cockeyed agenda ---- all I can say in reply for sure is that
A--- Really being Gay is not a choice, unless you are bi to begin with.
B--- Women much more commonly go Gay after life experience, men quite seldom, so not making the distinction makes you look more ignorant, It would take half a book to get the factors across clearly

[Ioan Lightoller]

04:01 PM on 11/17/2010

Thank you Bob! I have known I was different since a very young age (like 4). So maybe the poster above you would like to explain how a 4 year old could choose to be lesbian. Just amazing what some people will come up with to get the whole "choice" meme across.

[ColoradoBrad]

04:04 PM on 11/22/2010

Oh Bob always quick to jump down someones throat. I feel my question is proving my ignorance of the Gay community. You say read a book, I don't have a huge interest in the subject or I would. Just as may know more about Interior decorating (linkedIn) I probably know more about Finance and Tax Credits. Should I not ask a questions about interior design because I have never read on the subject?

What exactly am I trying to promote, it appears that the only one promoting anything is YOU!

Your comment (B) seems to fit within the my experiences.

Further, when somebody identifies as Gay I don't tell them they are actually Bi because a book Bob K read says they are. All the individuals I spoke of defined their sexuality as Gay, I will not attempt to debate that with them.

[liberal123]

04:56 PM on 11/18/2010

When did you choose to be straight? How many interviews did you conduct with your straight friends to ask if they were straight due to choice, molestation or social interaction with other straights?

[KennebunkportIndependent]

02:29 AM on 11/16/2010

It looks as though the Mormons are prepping up for Romney 2012.

[Bob Kellerman]

03:09 AM on 11/16/2010

IF HE RUNS....

The Evangelicals and the Press will bring up every ridiculous detail of the mormon scam

Here is a clip from a 1997 article -- wealth has gone WAY up

The top beef ranch in the world is not the King Ranch in Texas. It is the Deseret Cattle & Citrus Ranch outside Orlando, Fla. It covers 312,000 acres; its value as real estate alone is estimated at $858 million. It is owned entirely by the Mormons. The largest producer of nuts in America, AgReserves, Inc., in Salt Lake City, is Mormon-owned. So are the Bonneville International Corp., the country's 14th largest radio chain, and the Beneficial Life Insurance Co., with assets of $1.6 billion. There are richer churches than the one based in Salt Lake City: Roman Catholic holdings dwarf Mormon wealth. But the Catholic Church has 45 times as many members. There is no major church in the U.S. as active as the Latter-day Saints in economic life, nor, per capita, as successful at it.

HOW DOES A SUPPOSED "CHURCH" END UP WITH WEALTH IN THE $50 BILLION RANGE?

[KennebunkportIndependent]

03:29 AM on 11/16/2010

Tax exemptions for religious groups might help................

[thepeppershaker]

01:34 PM on 11/17/2010

Why shouldn't it?

[oldfuzz]

04:06 PM on 11/15/2010

Those continut their membership in an organization which rejects them have no complaints. When we were born someone said."it's a boy/girl." But that was a strictly physical appearance. There was so much more within us unknown and forthcoming.

Consider the millions of people who have waved goodbye to groups that discriminated due to group prejudice and ask who is better off, those who leave or those who stay.

A fundamental human quality is we can choose. Not doing so we engage in voluntary slavery which is not covered by law.

[Ioan Lightoller]

06:12 PM on 11/15/2010

Amen! I left my faith community because of their sexism and homohatred and am now happily Christopagan. I am married to a wonderful woman and I now see a chance of growing spiritually that I could never have seen before. I agree...if possible, GLBT should leave their homohating groups and consider MCC, Episopalians, the Welcoming and Affirming Churches or the More Light Churches.

For those Mormons who still believe, maybe it is time to separate from the mainline?

[Jason Conner]

01:58 PM on 11/15/2010

I want to point out that Evergreen, which is mentioned in this article, is not a "support group for gay mormons." Evergreen is an "ex-gay" or "reparative therapy" group that has troubled thousands of LGBTQ individuals. They are staunch in their claim that people can change their orientation, or at minimum change the behavior and lead healthy normal lives. This suggestion has been debunked by every relevant scientific organization in the world. Evergreen is an anti-gay hate group, and should be cited as such.

[Ioan Lightoller]

06:13 PM on 11/15/2010

Thank you for making that clear. Groups like Evergreen would love for GLBT Mormons to think that they will find spiritual support rather than attempts to make them "change". BTW, how come straights never try to change?

[SteveDenver]

01:21 AM on 11/16/2010

Because in Mormon ranks, a straight guy can have as many wives as he wants. Judging from the lack of passion in their marital beds, I'm sure many women are thrilled to "share the work."

[RobertinNJ]

07:01 PM on 11/16/2010

Good you pointed that out. I was a member of Evergreen at one time. The support group under it is called Crossroads.. and we used to meet at a Mormon meetinghouse every Wednesday night. So many miserable gay Mormon men there... some on the brink. Many of them in the middle of divorces and losing their kids - victims of a church that told them if they got married it would cure them.. that sex with a woman would change them..

Each Wednesday the elected president of Crossroads would read a statement that Crossroads was not a part of the Mormon church. Yet we met in their buildings and they sponsored the events.... And Evergreen/Crossroads is their program for curing gay men.

Evergreen is a sham. The Mormon church is a sham...

Only what you are is real.... and you need to take it and run if you are in this church or this program. That is what I did.

[Bill J4321]

11:16 AM on 11/15/2010

This gay has not softened his language on Mormons.

[llisa]

06:45 AM on 11/19/2010

This straight hasn't either.

[Treehuggindirtworshiper]

11:16 AM on 11/15/2010

Any church that won't allow you in their temple unless your a member is just down right weird. I for one invite all GLBT persons to look at the Episcopal Church. We are way ahead of other faiths when it comes to full inclusion but we need you to help get the job done.

[Ioan Lightoller]

06:14 PM on 11/15/2010

Love the Episcopalians! As a Old Catholic Christopagan, I attend services when I cannot attend my own and have always felt very welcomed and comfortable there.

[Treehuggindirtworshiper]

06:31 PM on 11/15/2010

What a small world. I was baptized in the Old Catholic Church of the Netherlands but I'm too liberal for them. LOL!

[KennebunkportIndependent]

02:30 AM on 11/16/2010

We also have better music........and excellent pot luck suppers!

[ColoradoBrad]

12:40 AM on 11/17/2010

Mormon temples are open to the public until they have been "dedicated" at which time they limit visits to members in good standing.

[Treehuggindirtworshiper]

08:36 AM on 11/17/2010

How do I know if I want to join if I can't go to the service. Who in their right mind would join a church without knowing what goes on behind closed doors.

[DrBlunt]

05:51 AM on 11/15/2010

Welcomed news!

[Jolimont]

02:39 AM on 11/15/2010

Mormons believe gay are equal so long as they don't have romantic or sexual relationships with the person they love. Oh, and they must also stay out of the "highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom" (TM).

So it really doesn't matter how much they soften their tone. What matters is their theology, although they've softened their theology many times in their short history, so who knows what they'll believe in 100 years? Still, "I accept you so long as you remain eternally lonely" is hardly open-minded.

[Bob Kellerman]

03:13 AM on 11/15/2010

WORSE THAN THAT

--- you don't have to be lonely, marry the opposite sex, like you should, and title

--- let me work on you to help you overcome that unfortunate affliction, but meanwhile, tithe

--- move to San Francisco, lay on tummy in the baths for any man who arrives, but don't tell us about it, and tithe.

[Jolimont]

07:49 AM on 11/15/2010

Well yes, tithe is always the bottom line, isn't it? Sad.

[SteveDenver]

01:23 AM on 11/16/2010

Amazing how religious organizations are always willing to sacrifice their women. WHAT LOVING PARENT wants their daughter to marry a man who "might" learn to love them?

[Bob Kellerman]

03:14 AM on 11/15/2010

ooops "title" should be "TITHE"

[Steve Rockett]

12:19 AM on 11/15/2010

Glenn Beck is a Mormon. Now read the posts.

[SteveDenver]

01:23 AM on 11/16/2010

So is Harry Reid. First thing he did back in session was to throw the DADT repeal efforts into the trash.

[KennebunkportIndependent]

02:33 AM on 11/16/2010

And, before that, he was raised a Catholic.  Talk about a double whammy.

[Tails]

04:52 PM on 11/18/2010

Tragic all the way around.

[Steve Rockett]

12:11 AM on 11/15/2010

So where is Beck on this? Will he support the church and go against his tea gagger values, or will he cave in and renounce his faith? As I recall Hitler tried to exterminate gays, too.

[Lee Seligman]

02:42 AM on 11/15/2010

What sapient human being really gives a F*** what beck says on any subject ... the only thing he could utter of any consequence to me would be his resignation ... preferably from the human race, but becoming a recluse under a vow of silence and other communication would do ... and I'll choose to read about it in responsible media, thank you very much !

[KennebunkportIndependent]

02:34 AM on 11/16/2010

There are rumors Hitler had a gay past (he was buddy buddy with Ernst Rohm).  Are there rumors about Beck?  He certainly triggers some peoples'  gayda r.