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TIME Marriage Study: Four In Ten Say It's Obsolete

Time

Huffington Post   First Posted: 11/18/10 07:34 PM ET Updated: 05/25/11 07:15 PM ET

Thirty-two years after Time magazine first asked Americans whether they believe marriage to be obsolete, the magazine posed the question again in a survey conducted in conjunction with the Pew Research Center. The results, published in this week's issue of the magazine and online, were startling. Nearly forty percent of those surveyed, or four-in-ten people, said they do--that is, over ten percent more than in 1978.

Time identifies some of the cultural changes that have occurred since then:

We've watched that famous royal marriage [of Charles and Diana] and the arrival of Divorce Court. We've tuned in to Family Ties (nuclear family with three kids) and Modern Family (nuclear family with three kids, plus gay uncles with an adopted Vietnamese baby and a grandfather with a Colombian second wife and dorky stepchild). We've spent time with Will and Grace, who bickered like spouses but weren't, and with the stars of Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica, who were spouses, bickered and then weren't anymore.

So what have all these changes wrought? According to Time, greater flexibility about what defines family. For example, we're much more willing to accept unorthodox family arrangements like cohabitation. Indeed, nearly one in three American kids today is living with a parent who is divorced, separated or never-married.

It shouldn't come as a surprise that the poll found that many of the people most willing to accept these kinds of arrangements are themselves in them--39% of divorced or separated respondents said the growing variety of family arrangements don't make a difference to society overall.

Maybe they're onto something. Says Andrew Cherlin, sociology and public policy professor at Johns Hopkins University, who is quoted at length in the piece: "...a child living together with unmarried parents in Sweden has a lower chance that his family will disrupt than does a child living with married parents in the U.S." In light of that sobering statistic, it's surprising that, when asked whether marriage was an obsolete institution, more Americans didn't say, "I do."

Watch Richard Stengel, managing editor of Time, discuss the study on MSNBC's Morning Joe:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy



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Thirty-two years after Time magazine first asked Americans whether they believe marriage to be obsolete, the magazine posed the question again in a survey conducted in conjunction with the Pew Researc...
Thirty-two years after Time magazine first asked Americans whether they believe marriage to be obsolete, the magazine posed the question again in a survey conducted in conjunction with the Pew Researc...
 
 
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Angel Whitebird
Invest in America..Buy a Congressman!
10:11 AM on 11/25/2010
Marriage is a mutual misunderstanding!.And humans are the only species who allow their young to come back to the nest and roost!
07:02 PM on 11/24/2010
It's ok to be married ONCE. I don't know who in their right mind would do it again.
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Lollie Com
Habit kicks willpower's rear seven days a week!! ~
06:08 PM on 11/23/2010
Marriage doesn't exist. As long as gay people have to pay equal taxes for less than equal rights I don't recognize any marriage. They simply don't exist. Even the Obamas, a lovely couple with wonderful children, in my eyes, they are not married. No one is.
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
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JonB2057
Think, it ain't illegal yet!
05:57 PM on 11/23/2010
Once I am divorced, believe it when I say never again!
09:12 PM on 11/22/2010
I am seeking an attorney in Washington DC to file a divorce from the GOP on behalf of all Democrats. We file on charges of irreconcilable differences. I intend to make a charge of emotional abuse based on the fact that the GOP hates blacks and latinos etc. as evidence I intend to offer the Sharon Angle campaign commercials. I want to allege physical abuse in the fact that the GOP denies comprehensive healthcare and Arizona's death panels as evidence. We want a new spouse .. The GOP and the Dems are locked into a relationship that is no longer working ... We need to split the assets and have our build own lives ... separate from each other! We need to be let out of the relationship so we can find happiness and peace amongst our own people.
11:16 PM on 11/22/2010
The GOP can keep the "states" and the Dems can keep the "united".
The GOP can keep Alaska and the Dems obviously get California
The GOP can keep their Stock Market and the Dems can keep Social Security
Th GOP can buy each others Private Healthcare and the Dems can get REAL healthcare
The GOP can keep Palin and hte Dems get Obama
The GOP can keep Florida and the Dems can get Colorado

Who's gonna argue? Seems as if the GOP wants to live alone - so let 'em - they been cheating on us for quite awhile and its time to make our own way so we can be happy - lets quit fighting shall we and have an amicable divorce. I cannot imagine arguments to stay together on either side .. lets unshackle ourselves from this marriage.

If the GOP doesn't want the Dems and we don't want them - then I say why fight anymore?
07:10 PM on 11/24/2010
The democrats have the 'battered wife syndrome'.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Cymbol
Micro-bio? Hope it's not catchy!
03:39 PM on 11/22/2010
Married to my highschool sweetheart and been married for 15 years. There are ups and downs - the problem with marriage today is that people seem to think that the grass is greener everywhere else. That's why they go through multiple marriages - men are men and women are women and most likely, the things you bicker about in this marriage will be the same thing you bicker about in the next one.

Certainly the "need" for marriage isn't there as it once was - especially from a women's perspective - but that doesn't mean that it isn't without merit.

By the way, that statistics about "a child living together with unmarried parents in Sweden has a lower chance that his family will disrupt than does a child living with married parents in the U.S." Imagine that! A child doesn't have to worry about their parents getting divorced if they aren't married! Haha. Brilliant!
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Julia Bailey
10:48 AM on 11/25/2010
Disrupt means breaking up and moving to different places, so Swedish kids do have to worry about that. The statistics show that Swedish unmarried couples with children stay together longer than US married couples with children.
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03:28 AM on 11/22/2010
I love being married, but I recognize that marriage is not for everyone. Why people feel a need to justify their belief or disbelief in marriage is beyond me. It's strictly a personal choice.
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April Pells
01:20 PM on 11/23/2010
Could not agree more. :)
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Box500
Space can be recovered. Time, never.
03:43 PM on 11/21/2010
I'm surprised it's only 4 in 10, based on the opinions of people I know
isadora
Leftie, educator, labor activist, Unitarian Univer
08:30 AM on 11/21/2010
Jeff Bridges was recently interviewed by Larry King. Remember King's and his wife's gushy goo for years about how great it was with them (his 5th, I believe). Stories about the King's fairy taled away about how King "couldn't take his eyes off his beautiful young wife." Bridges told of how he and Sue, his wife of over thirty years, manage conflicts. It was all very low key with Bridges, very genuine. His mother and father were married for over fifty years. What can I say I adore the entire family. Maybe the longevity thing has to do with partnership and managing the ordinary. The current (for the moment) Mrs. Larry King also never seemed to fail to mention that she is a devout Mormon. Beneath the hype...
06:46 PM on 11/20/2010
The current condition of the United States and its imminent decline are on full exhibit by some of the comments from these petulant children that call themselves adults. Marriage, hard work and just genuine decency are going the way of the dinosaur because so many of us have lost a basic understanding of decency and self respect. How can we imagine that we will be able to compete and thrive in a world of adults when we complain worse than the most spoiled brats? Too many of us have not had the opportunity to see lived commitment in our lives and we don't realize that our hurt and inadequacies are obvious for all to see.
04:17 PM on 11/20/2010
Since the pill, marriage started on its way out. When more women say "yes," not fearing pregnancy, then co-dependency lessens, and people will become more promiscuous. People really don't want to be controlled by another; therefore, when there's a way around marriage, people will take it. STDs are the only real things today keeping marriages together. Once there are STD cures, marriage will not last another hundred years. We will simply need to raise welfare to feed "our" children, like how our school system works. Jesus in Matt. 19:10-12 actually commanded that we not marry, when translating the original Greek. See: http://www.the-goldenrule.name/Marriage--JESUS_COMMANDS_to_not_marry.htm Also, fornication only meant prostitution in the original Greek. Folks "just trust" corrupt authorities way too much. Today's church is losing lots of attendance because they are holding onto Bible corruptions, as it opposes this non-marriage reality now taking place.

The Goldenrule Name (the-goldenrule.name)
06:21 PM on 11/20/2010
Was this post a joke?? I've never heard such crazy theories about marriage.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Shaun Hensley
The American Experiment has failed
07:11 PM on 11/20/2010
I think s/he might be on to something.
03:19 AM on 11/21/2010
Lots of crazy posts here...
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BlackYowe
I am a classical- liberal woman and a Jeweler.
01:15 PM on 11/20/2010
My husband and I wed 30 years ago. My parents and his parents had long happy marriages. With few positive roll models some young people probably are very reluctant to wed especially if they came from broken homes or single parent homes. We do live in a throw away culture so its not a big surprise there are many who would throw out marriage as well. My marriage is most precious to me. It's my anchor and gives my life a great deal of stability and brings me great joy. I would be lost without my husband he is my best friend.
12:48 PM on 11/20/2010
My husband and I are marriage counselors who have been married and worked as a team with couples for 23 years. I think this study reflects a hopelessness that it is not possible to have a great marriage that lasts a lifetime, not that people don't want committed relationships and marriage. 99% of the single people I have seen in counseling are looking for another committed relationship that lasts for a lifetime.

Through my experience seeing hundreds of couples, I think people enter into marriage without truly understanding what the job of a committed partner is. We are not taught about what it takes to create a healthy partnership that will last a lifetime. The only training we get is in our families (for better or worse). Often people don't think they should have to work at it.

To succeed in our careers we expect to have to devote ourselves to working hard but we don't understand that to succeed in a marriage it also takes devotion to working on your relationship.

When both partners are willing to learn communication skills, understand how to resolve conflict and connect with "head, heart and hormones," with time and patience, most couples can create a wonderful partnership.

When marriage works and couples work at it, the rewards for couples and for their kids are immeasurable. Lori
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Box500
Space can be recovered. Time, never.
02:44 PM on 11/20/2010
All excellent advice but it is rarely heeded. And I agree that the possible rewards are immeasureable. But...they are getting even more remotely possible due to our 1-minute-attention-span society. The odds of a marriage failing are huge. And I'm not just counting the 50-60% that actually divorce. How about I just say at least 90% of marriages that stay together are functionally miserable. But that's just my stat based on my experience. I honestly don't know anyone happily married. Yet all my single friends are dying to get married asap, in spite of their claim that they love being single. Every action they take revolves around finding someone. What the ?
05:42 PM on 11/20/2010
Exactly the issue! We need and want connection with one partner but we don't know how to make it work. I think "90% of marriages being functionally miserable" is a bit high. Personally, I know lots of couples who are happily married, not perfectly married, but happily.

The million dollar question: Why do we continue to seek marriage even though the success rate isn't great?

Here's my answer: People need, want and crave connection and love. Though it may be elusive it's a human need. It is the essence of life - we need food, clothing shelter and connection. Here's a quote from the movie, Shall We Dance - that expresses what I believe.

Why is it that people get married?
Because we need a witness to our lives.
There’s a billion people on the planet.
What does any one life really mean?
But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything…
The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things,
All of it… all the time, every day.
You’re saying “Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it.
Your life will not go unwitnessed - because I will be your witness.”
Wife in the movie, "Shall We Dance?" 2004
03:21 PM on 11/20/2010
Excellent advice. I'm in a happy marriage myself. Been with my husband for sixteen years and we're still going strong. This is my second and last marriage. I agree that marriage takes work. I also think it helps if you think outside the box. Just by my observation, not based on any studies or anything, I noticed that the longest term, happy marriages are between people who don't necessarily follow the usual stereotypical gender roles. Maybe when the pressure of societal, friend, and familial expectations go away it's easier for a married couple to thrive. Just my opinion and observation.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Les Burns
Don't need no Micro-bio!
03:44 PM on 11/21/2010
"This is my second and last marriage."
"Just by my observation, not based on any studies or anything, I noticed that the longest term, happy marriages are between people who don't necessarily follow the usual stereotypical gender roles. "

"...longest term happy marriages are between people who don't necessarily follow usual stereotypical gender roles"

usual stereotypical gender roles...
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
onionboy
Blessed are the Cheese Makers
03:53 AM on 11/20/2010
Why are so many people on these posts blaming their ex-spouses for their own bad choices in a life partner? In all of our romantic relationships, we are equally at fault with the partner who may have exhibited worse behavior. We chose them. In most cases, we'd chosen someone like them before with the same result. It's almost always a two-way street.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Les Burns
Don't need no Micro-bio!
03:06 PM on 11/20/2010
How do you know? You're making absolute statements and simplistically laying equal blame in situations that you know nothing about. If your happily married-great! Your one of the blessed few AND I hope tomorrow is just as good as today for you and your spouse. Lord knows many who are divorced thought that way at one time. If you are NOT married, Keep your opinions to yourself.
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abbienormal
What hump?
03:22 PM on 11/20/2010
Um, this is a blog. People are encouraged NOT to keep their opinions to themselves.

It is my opinion that you should never get married again. Ever.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
onionboy
Blessed are the Cheese Makers
04:00 PM on 11/20/2010
It was not absolute. I said "almost". Obviously, there are some psychos on both sides of the gender equation. From my personal and observational experience, the worst dumpings are from people remarkably similar to the last bad relationship. At some point, we need to recognize our own at least partial responsibility so that we can steer clear next time.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
jabailo
(Participant) Texeme.Construct()
12:09 AM on 11/20/2010
Civil Marriage is the last remnant of slavery.

It is illegal under the 13th amendment.

Humans cannot be bound under such financial contracts, yet they are enforced and serve to oppress each and every day.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thirteenth_Amendment_to_the_United_States_Constitution#Involuntary_servitude

Refers to a person held by actual force, threats of force, or threats of legal coercion in a condition of slavery – compulsory service or labor against his or her will.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
onionboy
Blessed are the Cheese Makers
03:42 AM on 11/20/2010
Since none of your other posts are particularly witty, I'm going to assume this is serious, which makes it sad and bitter.
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LibertyRoy
Listen up! I am a Libertarian, not a Republican!
02:44 PM on 11/20/2010
Never mind jaballo, that is the kind of posts you get from 35 year old virgins.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Box500
Space can be recovered. Time, never.
02:46 PM on 11/20/2010
It could be argued in a court of law that his point is accurate... if you read the 13th amendment
07:36 AM on 11/20/2010
Why do I have a feeling you're talking only about how you think civil marriage affects men?
08:52 AM on 11/20/2010
Because men are impacted by it in much larger numbers.
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Morgantheaxe
Eisenhower Republicans don't drink tea!!
03:12 AM on 11/23/2010
What I find astounding is the number of people that classify anyone who makes an argument that men are taken to the cleaners when divorced are classified as bitter. Lemme make this analogy. I know the odds aren't in my favor when I go to Vegas to gamble. I don't encourage people to do it. I point out to people that the odds are not in their favor and they are going to end up broke and much less happy than if they hadn't gambled. Im in no way "bitter" about gambling or Las Vegas. It's simply a fact and one people should consider when planning on where to vacation. Same with marriage. Men get shafted and divorce laws incentivise women to get divorced. There is nothing bitter about that. Its just fact. Something men really should consider when deciding whether or not to marry. I dont encourage it. Why would I? After all your chances at getting cleaned out in a divorce (if you are a man) are actually higher than your chances of getting cleaned out in Vegas.