Lisa Ling: I Felt Like A Failure After Miscarriage

NEW YORK — Journalist Lisa Ling says she felt like a "complete failure" after suffering a miscarriage six months ago.

Ling, who appeared on "The View" from 1999 to 2002, came back to the show Tuesday to talk about her experience. Her taped appearance will air Friday.

Ling says that after she'd been pregnant for nine weeks, she was told her baby had no heartbeat. She says she "felt more like a failure than I'd felt in a very long time." Ling, who is 37, says she fears it might happen again, leaving her "devastated." Ling is married to oncologist Paul Song.

She says she realized that many women she knew had miscarriages but rarely talked about it. She and a business partner have started a website that encourages women to anonymously share their experiences.

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Online:

http://www.secretsocietyofwomen.com

Comments

[Daws]

09:22 AM on 12/14/2010

I can't imagine how hard that must be. Lisa is class act though. I think The View lost its heart when Lisa left (and the cantankerous Mrs. Hasselbeck stepped in).

[sciencecohen]

07:12 PM on 12/13/2010

My wife had four miscarriages. I'm a science writer and eventually figured out that we received loads of inaccurate or misleading information from experts. So I decided to write a book about the science of miscarriage that examined the data carefully and objectively. My book, Coming to Term, is available on amazon and offers what I believe is the most comprehensive look at what high quality research has found--and the confusion sowed by studies that were not carefully conducted. The book also offers hope to many as it shows that miscarriage is a remarkably common experience and that many couples who can become pregnant will carry to term if they can survive the emotional nightmare of repeated losses.

Jon Cohen

[logic123]

05:17 PM on 12/13/2010

It's a shame women with strong intellect and charm like Mrs. Ling don't kill in the ratings on The View. If it did, I'd consider watching it.

[sushigirl]

05:09 PM on 12/13/2010

With Lisa being a world savvy and strong woman where in the world did she come up with feeling like a failure. She should know better that she had nothing to do with her miscarriage. How can she be a failure when she had nothing to do with the circumstances. Somewhere along the line in her life, she heard someone say things to that effect and she took it to heart.
I'm sorry she had a miscarriage but she shouldn't feel like a failure. Hopefully in the near future she'll conceive again and have a beautiful child.

[saskatoonie]

10:26 PM on 12/13/2010

She didn't come up with the feeling she just felt the feeling. Oi.....it has nothing to do with hearing anyone say anything!

[WiltonDiary]

02:15 AM on 12/14/2010

Obviously you are a very insensitive man and have a very poor understanding of women! Shame on you for your inappropropriate comments.

[ElenaMorinah]

02:57 PM on 12/13/2010

venereal diseases are the most common cause of inability to get pregnant and of miscarriage

[chicagomike]

09:04 PM on 12/12/2010

Never heard of her...is she supposed to be a "celebrity?"

[AllenFromAtlanta]

10:20 AM on 12/13/2010

She was part of 'The View'. Her sister was also the one held captive in North Korea which was a big national incident last year.

[logic123]

10:50 AM on 12/13/2010

Try reading please.

[saskatoonie]

10:27 PM on 12/13/2010

Thank-you, my post wasn't going to be as nice!

[iAREamerica]

01:37 PM on 12/12/2010

I would be more than willing to give her another shot at success.

[myth buster]

10:44 PM on 12/11/2010

I suppose you could say I'm the flipside to a miscarriage- I owe my life to the fact that my sibling died. I simply wouldn't have been conceived had he/she survived to full term, as my conception dates to a time that that pregnancy would still have been going on. I know God has a plan, and you who have lost one or more children can trust God and take comfort in the words of King David when his son died in infancy, "I shall go him; he shall not return to me." Have faith, and you'll see them again.

[logic123]

10:52 AM on 12/13/2010

Comments like yours make me physically ill. I had a nurse tell me that once when I was told my baby was dead and needed to be removed. Sh ! t happens works much better for us who live in reality.

[saskatoonie]

10:27 PM on 12/13/2010

Utter nonsense, like most religious babble!

[WiltonDiary]

02:16 AM on 12/14/2010

It also has to be a man that posted that.

[seatech1]

12:48 PM on 12/11/2010

I really like this woman. She's a class act. Not to mention that the's gorgeous. I like her reporting and the subject matter that she goes after. Her work is always intelligent and non-judgemental. We need more like her.

[DarciKlein]

12:57 PM on 12/10/2010

Lisa, THANK YOU for telling your story. So many women suffer loss, and almost always in isolation. And you mentioned a great point: now you're scared about the next pregnancy. My story offers you and so many other women hope. I lost four babies, including twins at twenty weeks. I was devastated. Depressed. And then I got determined. Doctors were not taking me seriously, so I pushed until they did- and I was diagnosed with two common and treatable conditions. I'm now blessed with two healthy children, and my wounds are mostly healed. Learn more about overcoming the anguish and fear of loss and having that family you dream of at my website, http://www.tofullterm.com And Bless You, Lisa, for helping so many women today!

[JackTheSkipper]

10:40 PM on 12/09/2010

I am glad she didn't put the fetus in a glass for the show and tell.

[boyoboy]

08:38 PM on 12/11/2010

Actually, you're supposed to retrieve the products of conception if you can.  Your MD will send it to a lab.  If there's a glaring abnormality, you'll know.

[logic123]

10:54 AM on 12/13/2010

He's referring to the Barbara Bush drama. GW said he was devastated for life after seeing his a fetus his mom carried in a jar. B Bush later said it was her cleaning lady who carrier (B's) fetus around for her. Lovely family.

[tippisheadrun]

03:26 PM on 12/09/2010

I'm sorry that she felt like a failure for having a miscarriage. Too bad she didn't feel like an indiscreet big mouth for talking about it.

[Blues02]

03:11 PM on 12/10/2010

Who forced you to click on the story?

[WeCanDoMore]

07:22 PM on 12/11/2010

and what does that make you?

[WeCanDoMore]

07:24 PM on 12/11/2010

yes, insensitive and perhaps intellectually challenged with a chip on the old shoulder as well. grow up.

[MsVella]

11:30 AM on 12/09/2010

Women really do react to it differently.

My mother suffered a miscarriage, her first pregnancy and I'm always a little shocked the few times she's mentioned it. It really was no biggie for her. Lol I honestly think I felt worse about it just hearing her mention it then she did having it. She said the doctor told her its normal for a woman's first pregnancy and she was healthy and could have others. So she just shrugged it off and said well we'll have another. Lol I'm always like, what do you mean, its serious! And she laughs and is like, whatever I had three children after.

[Vivian Alicia Evans]

01:34 AM on 12/09/2010

My sympathy goes out to Lisa Ling. Get the best medical help you can and when or if you are ready I hope you end up with a wonderful bundle of joy.

This is not meant to be nasty just a warning for young women. We as women have to realize we can't have our cake and eat it to. As we pass the age of 30 the chances of miscarriage raise progressively. Where as at 20 years of age there is about a 10% change of miscarriage as a woman approaches 40 the change of miscarriage reaches 50%. Make wise choices and make time to have your children at a younger age both for your sake and your to be born child. I almost was too late and as a 44 year old mother of a 5 year old I wish I had the energy of the younger mom's in my son's class.

[happy2day]

10:38 AM on 12/09/2010

What a selfish, mean and hateful statement wrapped in niceness. Get over yourself. There is no "right age" to conceive. It depends on the health and circumstances of the mother. Just because you were almost too late, it doesn't mean the same for others. I'm sure you said it with a smile. Where are your smiley emoticons?

[happy2day]

10:43 AM on 12/09/2010

In addition: If you don't have the energy of the other mothers, maybe it's your fault. Maybe you are not eating properly or exercising? A 20 year old can have low energy. Your statement is amazing.

[MsVella]

11:29 AM on 12/09/2010

There is no "right age" to conceive but it would be incredibly ignorant not to be aware of the biological factors involved. Women have to take into consideration the fact that having children at an older age brings increased health risks for both the child and the mother. Obviously there are positive reasons, you'd probably be more financially or even emotionally stable and so. At the end of the day its the mother's decision, but she must be aware of every aspect of it, and the fact that there are biological factors that work against you the older you are is something that a woman should also take into consideration.

[boyoboy]

08:47 PM on 12/11/2010

I'm 47 with a 10YO and 8YO (I have a 23YO and 22YO, too).  I'm out there with the best of them.  Besides loving your kid and wanting to nurture and educate him, I think the most important thing is wanting to have fun -- not age.

I love going to amusement parks (no roller coasters, thank you).  We're planning a trip to Disney in Feb.  Disney is probably my all-time favorite place to vacation.  Really.  

I think that I'm by far a better parent now with fewer stressors than when I was in my twenties when I had my first two.

[Vivian Alicia Evans]

12:27 AM on 12/12/2010

I agree with you about age making me a better parent, I just know I had alittle more energy when I was in my twenties and thirties. f&f.