What Do You Miss Most About Being Married During The Holidays? Bloggers Weigh In

Even for the most secure and well-adjusted divorcées, the holidays can kick up an array of complicated feelings about married seasons' past.

We put the question to our bloggers: What do you miss most about being married during the holidays (even if you don't want to be married anymore)?--and got a variety of heartfelt responses. Click through to read what they told us.

 

Now it's your turn: What do YOU miss most about being married during the holidays? Upload a picture from creative commons and write your response in the caption.

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Arianna Huffington

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“When I got divorced, my children were 8 and 6. So Christmas while I was married is conflated with Christmas while my children were young enough to still believe in Santa Claus. I miss my ex and I conspiring -- including making noises from the roof -- to keep the fantasy alive.” -Arianna Huffington

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“When I got divorced, my children were 8 and 6. So Christmas while I was married is conflated with Christmas while my children were young enough to still believe in Santa Claus. I miss my ex and I conspiring -- including making noises from the roof -- to keep the fantasy alive.” -Arianna Huffington

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SeniorCitizen39 said on 27 Monday 2010 am31 1:34 am: I have some questions about divorce for those in the judicial system who are guilty of making them so easy: - Is marriage a legally binding agreement between two citizens? If not, why should it be registered with the legal system, the local court, and the state? - If it takes two people in agreement to initiate a legally binding agreement, and two people in agreement to end a legally binding agreement, how do we legally explain what happens to marriage agreements in family/divorce court? - The person breaching a legally binding agreement is generally the one penalized. How is it considered legal in divorce to penalize the one who is not breaching the agreement and, at the same time, reward the one who is? - If the granting of a divorce can be denied due to legalities of Notice not being followed and/or both sides not having a "fair" chance to be heard, why can't a divorce be denied because of an absence of Due Process? The one thing that people expect when entering the court room is Fairness, but it is evident that fairness has been thrown out of family court. Divorce is a FRAUD.

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Comments

[displaced1]

09:42 PM on 01/12/2011

"What Do You Miss Most About Being Married During The Holidays?"

The money that would have gone to the kids, but went to the lawyers instead.

[SeniorCitizen39]

01:34 AM on 12/27/2010

I have some questions about divorce for those in the judicial system who are guilty of making them so easy:

- Is marriage a legally binding agreement between two citizens? If not, why should it be registered with the legal system, the local court, and the state?

- If it takes two people in agreement to initiate a legally binding agreement, and two people in agreement to end a legally binding agreement, how do we legally explain what happens to marriage agreements in family/divorce court?

- The person breaching a legally binding agreement is generally the one penalized. How is it considered legal in divorce to penalize the one who is not breaching the agreement and, at the same time, reward the one who is?

- If the granting of a divorce can be denied due to legalities of Notice not being followed and/or both sides not having a "fair" chance to be heard, why can't a divorce be denied because of an absence of Due Process?

The one thing that people expect when entering the court room is Fairness, but it is evident that fairness has been thrown out of family court.

Divorce is a FRAUD.

[SeniorCitizen39]

01:31 AM on 12/27/2010

Beverly Willett is doing some tremendous writing about divorce, and
is right on target. No one is supposed to know that OUR DIVORCE
LAWS ARE ILLEGAL.

We recite "with liberty and justice for all" in our Pledge of Allegiance
to our Flag, but there is NO justice for ANYONE in "family" court.

Snipers, terrorists, murderers, rapists, pedophiles, drug dealers,
sexual abusers, and other criminals receive more justice in the
family court room than do spouses who are fighting to keep their
marriages and families together.

Even Sadam Hussein received more justice than they do.

Anyone receiving a Summons to Court KNOWS why they are being
summoned to court, hires an attorney to represent them, and the
evidence of Defense is presented in court.

There is NO DEFENSE to a divorce. For the person not wanting a
divorce it is...NO voice, NO choice, NO appeal...Done Deal...before
they even get to the court house. Try that "program" with any
other case in the court room.

Divorce is a Pre-determined decision based on a WANT, not
evidence and proof. For the "respondent" it is a FORCED
divorce with no recourse.

If all legal rights are equally extended to both "petitioner" and
"respondent", how is it that the petitioner wins EVERY time?

What's wrong? Due Process, Equal Protection under the Law,
Trial by Jury of Peers, and Obligation of Contracts are not permitted
in the "family" court room.

[chi 410]

12:59 AM on 12/28/2010

A contract for personal services cannot be enforced by forcing the person to perform the personal services. It's all arguing over monetary damages.

[stillreeling]

06:55 PM on 01/17/2011

I absolutely agree. I stood there silent, feeling that I had no voice...no defense...I felt like a victim with no voice. There was no opportunity to share my story...I was labeled as a party that was divorcing to because the marriage had broken down irretrievably. Who was allowed to place that label? Where else would that happen? I still have nightmares about it.

[Jilted Texan]

09:46 PM on 12/26/2010

What I miss about Christmas is the dream of a happy family. In reality, though, last year my husband was buying gifts for his girlfriend and her daughter without my knowledge or the realization that he even had a girlfriend. What I enjoyed, though, this year, was going to midnight mass with my kids since my husband who only attended Christmas and Easter masses with us, never wanted to go to midnight mass. So it was fun. Also what was nice this year, was making dinner reservations and eating out. In the past it always seemed as if I did the cooking, cleaning and serving of dinner and getting no help. This year, it was a breeze. In spite of a marriage about to be dissolved the first week in January, I am trying to think of the bright side of things. Of course, I would have loved to stay married for the rest of my life but since its not in the cards for me, I am going to try and make the most of it and maybe one day, someone will love me like I deserve and I'll have many happy Christmas memories in the future. Now, let me ask you this, how many people cry when they hear that Dan Fogelberg song about him and his ex-girlfriend in the grocery store on Christmas Eve? Happy New Year to everyone!

[Erinaleks]

02:00 PM on 12/26/2010

Nothing!! To miss

[AlexandriaHeather]

12:54 PM on 12/26/2010

Boy do I miss the whining, flash rages and violent driving of my ex-husband. Those tirades just made everything sooo great.
So. Essentially, I miss NOTHING about marriage during the holidays.
However, the year-round morning wood was pretty awesome.

[Hookedonfashion]

04:55 PM on 12/26/2010

I don't miss the drunken rants either!

I do love my current husband, and was surprised with a diamond pendant this year! I got smart and married a teetotaler the second time (and one who wasn't such a cheapskate).

[Dan Brewington]

11:59 AM on 12/26/2010

I feel sorry for my children because they didn't have the ability to have Christmas with both parents but I miss little about Christmas with my ex-wife. I never got that excited about Christmas but I always did whatever my ex wanted to do because Christmas was important to her. Not only did I do the things that she enjoyed doing; I had to act excited about going craft shopping where she would expect me to share her same enthusiasm for smelling hundreds of candles or looking at a thousand different Santas.

Aside from the religious aspect, Christmas is about sharing time with family and friends; not catering to someone else's emotional needs. I never minded putting effort into making someone's Christmas special; I just couldn't stand putting up with someone's disappointment because the holiday season didn't live up to their expectations. (And she's the one who divorced me because she couldn't take it anymore.) So when the holiday season approaches, I give thanks that she is gone while I enjoy a laid back, no pressure holiday with my family and friends.

[stillreeling]

07:02 PM on 01/17/2011

I miss the normalcy of everything. You lose the heritage, the history. The ornaments that marked our lives together become heavy and cold in my hands...what do I do with them?

I also lost my husband's family. For 27 years they were my family, so it was a loss of the marriage and the entire family. The woman he left us for has now joined that family, taken my place. How am I supposed to feel about that?

I did eat Chinese on Christmas Eve this year. Tried to do some different things...That felt good...

[thecesar]

02:44 AM on 12/26/2010

A good fk?

[nana4g]

11:53 PM on 12/25/2010

What I missed most after my divorce was trying to make memorable holidays with 3 surly teenagers. Then, I rejoiced, because it meant I only had 3 surlys instead of 4 with which to contend. Those teens are grown, parents themselves now, and we manage just fine, except for having to share the days 4 ways and sandwiching in my space somewhere. Even that I have grown accustomed to. It's a matter of adjusting expectations.....I suppose.

Happy Holidays!

[jennielamb]

10:21 PM on 12/25/2010

I say, next time marry your best friend.
When you marry for love, it is usually lust which fades rather quickly with age. When you really like the person you marry the love will always be there no matter the wrinkles or troubles.
I treat my husband like a king and he treats me like a queen. What ever he asks, I do. What ever I want, he does.
And we never, ever give up. When things get tough (and believe me they have) divorce is never an option. When you do not have that option, you do what ever it takes to make your life less miserable, including just letting it go.
And yes you can let it go, no matter what the hurt. It just takes time and a willingness to stick it out.
I wish all of these stories could have had happier endings. It makes me sad to know so many people refuse to take marriage as a life long commitment and instead run when the going gets tough.
The outcomes sound so lonely and full of hurt. So sad. Next time take divorce out of the equation and marry your best friend.

[RaceCondition]

11:38 PM on 12/26/2010

I married my best friend and felt compelled to leave him due to personal issues which weren't really being addressed.

So when we separated I lost my best friend AND my husband. I am trying to "fight for the marriage" but he's playing the part of the ostrich and not dealing with anything.

[skiffy grrl]

09:41 PM on 12/25/2010

I looked at the headline, and thought, oh, just hundreds of things I miss since my husband died, and then read the article. Once again I am reminded that all this advice assumes that if a marriage ends, it MUST be from divorce. I am so tired of clicking something that might provide some insight into being a single parent and discovering that it only applies to the divorced. Where's the comments from the widowed? What about those of us whose holiday memories are tinged with grief? Bad enough being a widow gets you treated by some as a non-person, but this blog, too?

I was only 49 when I was widowed. I look at the tree, remember all the presents we bought when we were married, and remember the big family dinners we had when he was alive, and with only one income how reduced in circumstances we are. But even if he had left us a million dollars and we were able to stay in our home, his absence would still be a giant void.

[jennielamb]

10:28 PM on 12/25/2010

I am so sorry for your loss.
I could not imagine losing my husband of 32 years. I also understand your loss of the income since my husband is the bread winner in our family and we are not on sound ground money wise. I would be on the streets in no time.
But the loss of him would hurt more in my heart than anything money could buy. I pray that I go first because I honestly don't think I could handle his loss.
My prayers are with you in this sad and lonely time in your life. Take care.

[donitacurioso]

10:54 PM on 12/25/2010

Same here. I lost my husband 4 years ago at age 50. Our daughters are grown and we've now included my older daughter's boyfriend in our celebration. It's nice, but it's not the same. I miss my husband in so many ways, but at Christmas I miss my partner, my (truly) other half. Everything was shared, from the shopping to the decorating. We're a family of musicians and my husband was the keyboard player. He took so much with him when he left, mainly the music.

[123think]

07:07 PM on 12/25/2010

Absolutely nothing-I have never been happier!

[teresa1960]

09:31 PM on 12/25/2010

DITTO!

[Redemption Song II]

10:50 PM on 12/25/2010

Yep.

[SimplyBkuz]

05:29 PM on 12/25/2010

On the bright side... one less person to have to buy gifts for.

[CeleBash]

03:14 PM on 12/25/2010

Not a damn thing.

[Trilby]

05:08 PM on 12/25/2010

I was about to type exactly those words. Sheesh! What's to miss about a user and abuser, a terrible, neglectful father, and a black hole of need sucking all resources, energy and attention to himself, exhausting his family and, especially, his wife. Leaving him was the best decision I've ever made. I miss nothing!

[kyrose777]

08:09 PM on 12/25/2010

I don't know you but I have been through exactly what you are talking about. No one understands unless that have had to deal with a man like this. Take care of yourself and be glad you are free.

[MexiChick67]

03:21 AM on 12/26/2010

You are better off. When people have divorced someone you is abusive, neglectful and a 'black hole of emotions' you actually feel better during the holidays. That's when you know that it was a good decision. I have met other people like yourself and applaud them for leaving marriages that were not healthy.

[emmapeel]

03:03 PM on 12/25/2010

I miss slow dancing in the kitchen to Xmas music on the radio in between cooking.

[donitacurioso]

10:55 PM on 12/25/2010

Nice!