Stephen Colbert Defends Taco Bell And Its 'Beef-Adjacent' Beef (VIDEO)

Today Taco Bell launched a full-scale ad campaign in an effort to un-tarnish its beef's good name. But they needn't have bothered, as last night Stephen Colbert went to the mattresses to defend the fast food restaurant.

During the segment, Colbert took a few bites of the Bell's Beefy Crunch Burrito, all the while describing the meat inside using words like "beefy," "beefish," and even "beef-esque." He went on to say that, "...on a scale of 1 to beef, it's got something in there."

This is the sort segment that makes Colbert one of the most invaluable satirical critics in the media today. While making a pinpoint critique not only of Taco Bell but also of the overall problems inherent in our food system... .

..it was USDA-inspected...only a stickler would demand that it also be USDA-approved,"

...Colbert simultaneously embodies the rest of us (the average Americans) who are shocked to hear these kinds of stories, but would really prefer to ignore them so we can still swing through the drive thru at 2:00 AM for FourthMeal.

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Comments

[deepthicket]

04:30 PM on 01/31/2011

This must be freaking them out at PETA: it turns out Taco Bell is only 35% evil; 64% is vegetarian moral high road. And 1% is actually inert mineral.

[sisterdebmac]

05:10 PM on 02/01/2011

Kinda reminds me of that episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Double Meat Palace. Everyone thought the meat was made from the teenage drones that kept going missing from the place. But the secret ingredient turned out to be veggie product with beef flavoring.

Maybe that's where Taco Bell got the idea.

[markburn]

02:21 AM on 01/31/2011

I' heard they're working on their next great product for the American market: Soylent Beef.

[schnauzergirl]

02:58 PM on 01/31/2011

At least genetically then it will be 100% beef

[Eric Laufer]

09:10 PM on 01/30/2011

No animals were harmed during the making of this video....

[cincinnati]

08:44 PM on 01/30/2011

maybe less beef is actually better for you.....I have to admit,
their cheap little soft taco tastes good occasionally.....

[RebelSoul]

06:28 PM on 01/30/2011

Yum! All that tangy beef just busting to the gills with sawdust and sand.

Taco Bell is the ultimate capitalist example of food service. Every year they need to show growth and increased profits and you can only expand so much. Solution? Remove a little bit of quality at a time, then mask it behind a new item, conspicuously compiled from Taco Bells 7 ingredients. They wrap a burrito in a taco, a taco in a burrito, and stuff a burrito full of fried "Flammin' Hot" corn chips.

Back in the '90s, a friend who worked their told me the meat came dehydrated in a large plastic sack (probably why they need an anti-dusting agent) and his short stint there ended his craving to make a run for the border. Speaking of runs, I stopped going there because of the stomach hang-overs I was getting. I always joked that eating Taco Bell was like eating cardboard. Over 10 years later, through over a decade of cost-cutting, profit maximizing move, I wondered with "morbid curiosity" at what their meat had become. Actual cardboard, I guess! Seriously, you know your in trouble when the government's low standards can't be met.

One of Conan's "Year 2000" jokes from then seems aptly true today:
To compete with Chinese restaurants, Taco Bell will offer it's own
version of the fortune cookie, called the 'fortune tostada.' The most
common fortune found in the tostada,
'Tonight you will have crippling diarrhea.'

[afgail]

04:33 PM on 01/30/2011

I suffered the gag reflex just watching his sketch. Double intender intended.

[immarkrico]

03:43 PM on 01/30/2011

Aw c'mon. Did anyone really think Taco Bell was health food? Nobody should enter a fast food joint expecting it to be real or healthy. Did you ever wonder why McDonalds calls them "Shakes" in stead of milk shakes.

[soundping]

01:27 PM on 01/30/2011

"Make a Run For the Border"

The only US corporation I know telling people to leave the US.

[michelesda]

01:50 PM on 01/30/2011

That one always makes me wonder why Canada is suddenly so anxious to sell me chalupas.

[Kenyatta J Yamel]

12:14 PM on 01/30/2011

Taco beefish burritos. YucK!

[Backtalkisahorse]

11:41 AM on 01/30/2011

Soylent Green is Peeeeople, it's peeeeople...!

[Counterglow]

02:07 AM on 01/31/2011

Formerly-naive Taco Bell patrons might decide they're ahead of the game to make the move to a new chain, which I propose to name "Soylent But Deadly".

[amd02148]

04:47 AM on 01/31/2011

Ok Backtalk you just grossed me out :}

[RedneckDem]

11:36 AM on 01/30/2011

After I eat TB I run for the toilet!

Is it any wonder there are drug stores within 2 minutes of any Taco Bell? They've created a cottage industry for heartburn medication, anti-diarheal and depends.

[jsarets]

02:25 PM on 01/30/2011

Interesting observation. My local Taco Bell drive-through is immediately adjacent to a Walgreens pharmacy drive-through.

[RedneckDem]

05:07 PM on 01/30/2011

Rite-Aid at mine.

[RedneckDem]

11:33 AM on 01/30/2011

At 35% you get one pound of beef anf almost two pounds of spices and seasoning??? I wonder how you argue that in front of a judge...

[WillieBlack]

04:52 PM on 01/30/2011

You would probably plead it down to life without parole.

[MorpheusXNYC]

11:32 AM on 01/30/2011

This was one of the funniest bits Colbert ever did. I was howling with laughter.

[johnnygoodwud]

11:20 AM on 01/30/2011

went to costco the other day, and bought some 'choice' grade ground beef. stopped at my favorite little european grocery store, bought tomates, lettuce, cheese, taco shells, and some green sauce. made my own tacos. i'm betting they cost me about $1.50 or more per taco. how can taco bell sell theirs for .78,,,,,,,,,,,easy they're not real.

[jsarets]

02:29 PM on 01/30/2011

They don't include tomatoes on the basic taco. Just beefy filling, shredded iceberg, and shredded cheddar-flavored cheese food product. Very cheap stuff. Also, they buy in massive bulk, and they make most of their profit on drinks.

[bkelly boulderit]

10:22 AM on 01/30/2011

Definitely garbage food. And to top it off, it is dangerous. I have had food poisoning TWICE from Taco Bell. The first time I wasn't sure it was them, then the fact that I got it again (and had ate at Taco Bell that same day both times), kinda clued me in. I had dry heaves for two days, couldn't even keep water down, and had to go to the clinic to get IV fluids and medicine to keep me from throwing up.

Yeah, they really care. They also use a dog as a mascot for food. Think about it.

[TaxpayingVoter]

11:41 AM on 01/30/2011

How can you get food poisoning if it's not real food?

[Backtalkisahorse]

11:42 AM on 01/30/2011

I don't wanna think about it....makes me sick