02/15/2011 02:30 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Joan Rivers: Six Sessions Of Psychiatric Treatment Will Straighten Helena Bonham Carter Out

We thought we heard everything there was to hear about Helena Bonham Carter's mismatched shoes at the Golden Globes. The actress told, "Sometimes I get it right and I sometimes I get it wrong, but fashion is all about having fun." And she acknowledged that her Oscars outfit will probably be a catastrophe. Hey, honesty is the best policy. But that's not the end of the story.

Footwear News caught up with fashion policewoman Joan Rivers, who remarked, "Six sessions of psychiatric treatment will straighten [Helena] out. [It] looked like she just got out of her straightjacket [sic] and escaped too quickly." Helena is indeed one of Joan's favorite topics -- when we asked Joan last month who would be a total walking disaster this awards season, she told us, "I hope Helena Bonham Carter. She's married to Tim Burton and you know that before they leave the house, they both go, 'You look great!'"

So what will Joan have on come Oscars night? She explained to FN, "Whatever Melissa chooses. I live at her house, so my wardrobe is limited. But I did go to Nine West, and the shoes look great. [Not that anyone will be able to tell], because no one gets that close to my feet except Tom Cruise."

Terrible mental image. You might have to get us a few straitjackets now.