The Joy Behar Show: Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger, Dr. Laura Berman Talk Digital Infidelity

Last night's Valentine's Day episode of The Joy Behar Show tackled a topic well known to readers of Huffington Post: digital infidelity.

Behar welcomed guests Patti Stanger (from Bravo's Millionaire Matchmaker) and Dr. Laura Berman, host of OWN's "In the Bedroom," and cited a survey which had found that 64 percent of people think the Internet has made cheating easier.

"Yes, it has. 100 percent," said Stanger. "Same with porn."

"Not that porn and cheating are the same thing," says Berman.

"But [one] leads to one another,"says Stanger. "Because we always have this higher standard of what we should be with."

Berman concurs, saying that today, Facebook is being cited in 1 in 5 divorces."

Is cheating on the rise all around, asks Behar, or "do we just know more about it?"

Stanger thinks it's on the rise: "I think it's a disposable society, people have less patience than they ever have."

WATCH:

Comments

[LOLatGOP]

06:40 PM on 02/18/2011

I have internet: why y u no cheat with me?

[jaslyn]

12:53 PM on 02/16/2011

how sad are we as a viewing audience when people think Patti is an expert on anything?

[OnlyIfIHaveTo]

11:03 PM on 02/16/2011

True. I wouldn't ask her opinion on what shirt I should wear.

[Shaun Hensley]

09:42 AM on 02/17/2011

I don't care who she is. I agree 100% with her views on this.

[cafecat]

10:18 AM on 02/16/2011

What's up with the censor? My few comments I've made over the last few months just don't seem to make it. Nothing profane or objectionable. Just well thought out opinions you don't agree with? Not provocative enough? Too provocative? Are you trying to create a specific audience? Certainly is making me lose interest in HP, but then apparently you don't seem to care...

[swilliams888]

03:56 PM on 02/16/2011

I've noticed too that 'policy violations' have little to do with it.

Just whether that particular mod agrees with your views or not.

And it seems the more thought you put into it, the less chance it will get or stay posted.

Sad.

[cafecat]

07:22 PM on 02/16/2011

Thanks for the response. It's been really bugging me. Sometimes I wonder if HP is sifting comments to appeal to a particular target audience. Then I began to awonder if my derogatory comments about media pron would somehow be a threat to AOL, but that's getting pretty paranoid.

[PowerPridePinstripes]

10:11 AM on 02/16/2011

So true. Just yesterday I read a Hufpo entry in this section where the wife said she was going to divorce her husband because of how he reacted to her spilling coffee. Really? That's it? Hey, you're a clutz and you're upset that he was upset? Plus she forced him to bring her flowers and then complained that he felt she 'wasn't worth it'. Now, there's obviously more to the story and I'm sure they both have valid points in thier mutual frustrations - but this is a clear indication that many people only associate 'marriage' with a fairy tale. Or they only associate 'marriage' with the 'wedding ceremony'... then after the dress is off and the reception noise is quieted, then real life sets in and if a little bump in the road occurs - it's off to Divorce! Silly silly silly people!

[DennyCrane]

09:34 AM on 02/16/2011

People do have less patience. They want instant gratification. If they meet someone and don't click immediately, they move on. If they learn someone is divorced, they assume the person is bad marriage material without waiting to learn the whole story. If they learn the person is over 35 and never been married, they conclude there's something wrong with the person. And if they get married, the moment their partner doesn't live up to their unrealistic standards, they know they can always find someone "better". We really have become a society that treats each other as disposable.

[rbspickles]

01:51 PM on 02/16/2011

Just wanted to say that I love "Boston Legal" :)

[gpookie]

09:18 AM on 02/16/2011

Somehow I can't help but always think that divorce is not the problem, but rather all the wrong reasons that people seem to be getting married in the first place. I also think that women somehow think that marriage makes a man someone he is not? You can't force a man to be who he is not by forcing him into marriage and then thinking he will work together with you to make a great life. Chances are he will leave you one day and you will be left wondering what happened to your "perfect" marriage. Marry someone who actually fits you and is willing to make a lifelong commitment..Don't marry someone who you want to believe fits you...
While there are some good marriages that eventually go bad or are ended for the wrong reasons, I tend to think the the majority of divorces are simply the ending of relationships that should have never wound up at the alter.
When one partner is left saying, I don't understand what happened? and the other partner is happy to be gone, that is certainly a sign that something was not aligned during the marriage itself, IMHO....

Marriage is not for everybody and every marriage is not the same.....

[condor101]

08:46 AM on 02/16/2011

Men should avoid the marriage certificate like the plague.
It is a legal binding document that gives control to the female.
If she loves you, she will live with you. If she gives you an excuse that she needs to be 'married', then it's because she wants financial security in case there is a divorce. In other words, she wants a payout.
Don't sign that bloody legal document, giving power to some judge to decide your finances in the event of a divorce. It's not worth losing 1/2 your wealth.

[katieandtom]

08:55 AM on 02/16/2011

half???? yeah right!

my husband made out like a bandit. 20 years! - you have the right to your opinions. and good luck with a woman just loving you and living with you - so that you can toss her out on her ear when you are ready to move on.

good luck with that.

[rbspickles]

09:00 AM on 02/16/2011

The same with my divorce. My husband took me to the cleaners and laughed all the way to the bank. Oh and it's been my experience since then that men want to marry me only I say "nope, never again."

[Box500]

04:48 PM on 02/16/2011

Wish I could meet one of those women who got taken to the cleaners by a husband because I've only met men who have been taken, big time, by wives.

[PowerPridePinstripes]

10:16 AM on 02/16/2011

@ condor101 -- This is part of the problem. "men should avoid the marriage certificate like the plague'... this attitude perpetuates this false rationality that men will suffer in marriage. It allows silly women to feel the need to dominate their husbands and it unknowingly makes some men lose their ba lls in a relationship. I don't think 'marriage' is the main issue - it's the attitudes and comments and beliefs that tend to give it a bad rap. If all men believe they should 'avoid marriage liek a plague', jeez, that's a lot of anxiety being thrown at an entire gender. Then women feel it's their responsibility to 'chase' the man to 'get him to pop the question'... that's not fun - and unfortunately this belief will continue to be the ruin of the idea of marriage.

[1jadednewyorker]

08:38 AM on 02/16/2011

says Stanger. "Because we always have this higher standard of what we should be with."

------
That's so true. I have tried to fix up my girlfriends, say they are a 7, they want the potential mate to be a 10.
Well that is just silly.

Why would a 10 want a 7?

[EGM80]

10:17 AM on 02/16/2011

Money. Security (they won't ever leave you). Humor. That's all I got.

[Milash]

11:59 AM on 02/16/2011

Kind of like the short, fat, balding man who lives in his mom's basement who thinks he deserves a supermodel.

[swilliams888]

04:09 PM on 02/16/2011

Why do women say on one hand that bald men are handsome, but as soon as they want to put forth an insult, one of the first words they go to is 'bald'. (also in the video clip above).

A man (or woman) can't help if they have lost their hair. A man also cannot help it if he is short. But again, many women are quick to insult a man's height.

Seems a bit unfair and vicious to attack someone so quickly for physical traits they were genetically disposed toward.

Many men reading your post right now are bald, or short - and they did nothing to you. They might be the nicest guys in the world.

Yet they are described by you as 'less deserving' of a supermodel because of the way they look.

Not trying to pick a fight with you, just something I've always been curious about.

[phantoma]

07:30 AM on 02/16/2011

Yes, let's go back to the 50s when there was no internet and married couples didn't have fantasies of other people and lived happily ever after.

[rbspickles]

09:02 AM on 02/16/2011

When women were considered chattel to be owned? No thanks. Infidelity has always been around. Ever heard of the oldest profession?

[craichead2011]

12:25 AM on 02/17/2011

Women were never owned as chattel in the western world. That's a myth.

[HudsonGal]

09:45 AM on 02/16/2011

....and we can be frigid or unsatisfied and living a lie. The past is always glorified and held on a pedestal the reality is that their were a lot of unhappy marriages from the 50's as well. I have been lucky in that I was in a "death us do part" marriage. But it wasn't always glamorous it took work, understanding and patience. Something a lot of us fall short on.

[InLosAngeles]

01:38 PM on 02/16/2011

It's supposed to take work. It's supposed to take a lot of work. Anything of real value takes real work.

[PhoenixProg]

12:53 AM on 02/16/2011

But [one] leads to one another,"says Stanger. "Because we always have this higher standard of what we should be with."

I disagree. Porn has been around for ages. I still remember finding girlie magazines hidden in my dad's bathroom while I was growing up. Long ago, there were French postcards and before that, "gentlemen" frequented brothels...

What is different these days is that people enter marriage with silly expectations about what marriage is and what it isn't. Add to that a total lack of an ability to communicate needs or wants and an inability to resolve disagreements peacefully and you have the easy makings of disappointment which leads to a divorce.

Infidelity is a choice and an escape from the hard work that a relationship is sometimes. Too many people aren't willing to stick it out for the long haul. But it does happen. And people need to be allowed to grow and change within the marriage.

[milomilano]

09:06 AM on 02/16/2011

Amen!

[Susan Shaffer]

10:45 PM on 02/16/2011

my accountant made passes, successful or otherwise with my female staff. i told him off about it for a variety of reasons how it interfered with my business. he went on to tell me that after his wife had their only child she had scarring and that she is a good woman but it is too painful for her.
my thought is there is 1000 ways to do it and it is no excuse.

[Shaun Hensley]

11:54 PM on 02/15/2011

Agree 100%

[schmitizensane]

07:49 PM on 02/15/2011

No, it doesn't. People who cheat are predispositioned to cheat already. Porn doesn't make people cheat, McDonald's doesn't make people get fat, video games don't make people more violent, every person is born with free will and the ability to choose whether or not to cheat on their spouse, stuff their face with fast food, and shoot their neighbor in the face. People need to start owning up to their mistakes and infidelities instead of hiding behind these BS excuses.

[livefortruth]

08:26 PM on 02/15/2011

I agree, it is about responsibility.

[wedgie]

09:57 PM on 02/15/2011

Well said.

[CowboySandtoes]

07:41 PM on 02/15/2011

yadaydyada. lol kidding. Porn strengthens the marriage. kidding. i really dont know

[ynp7]

07:39 PM on 02/15/2011

Not if you do it together.