Kate Walsh In 'More': 'I Feel Like A Loser' For Not Having Kids

'Private Practice' star Kate Walsh opens up in the April issue of More magazine about her nasty divorce, her career and getting older. Walsh, 43, split from her film executive husband Alex Young in late 2008 after just over a year of marriage, and the divorce settlement included ugly provisions such as coin-flipping over disputed furniture. The couple had only dated for seven months before they married.

Here are some excerpts from the More interview; pick up the issue for the whole thing.

On her tabloid divorce:
"Oh my God. The worst thing ever. It was so public, and yet it was so legal-embroiled. You couldn't talk about anything..."

On lessons learned from marriage and a short courtship:
"I've always had the courage thing down, but then I had to develop the rest. I've learned to seek other people's counsel more. That's a good part of growing up."

On not having children:
"I feel like a loser. I would definitely love to be a parent. But I definitely don't think I want to do it on my own. Things are just going to go the way they go... I thought I'd be married and have three or four kids. I always knew I wanted to be an actress, but I think I always wanted a quote-unquote normal life because I had a very untraditional upbringing."

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Comments

[pj-smith]

09:54 AM on 03/25/2011

I dont get this girl...she acts with her eyebrows.

[OhManOhMan]

01:56 PM on 03/24/2011

Kate be quiet!

it's common to see hollyweird folks getting divorced anyhow.

[heroine addict]

12:11 PM on 03/24/2011

Bleh. This is such a dated mentality. The decision not to have children is a common and often accepted one these days.

[DennyCrane]

09:08 AM on 03/24/2011

Why are people in such a rush to get married? 7 months of dating and you get married? Imagine if you were told you had to commit to working for the same company, that once you made that pledge, you couldn't change your mind and go work for another company. Something tells me you wouldn't base your decision to commit to one company on just 7 months of being there. It amazes me that people decide they want to spend the rest of their life with someone they've known for less than a year. No wonder so many marriages fail.

[Maachi]

01:03 AM on 03/24/2011

It is not easy to be childless not by choice, and sadly many people (though certainly not the case with celebrities) cannot afford IVF or go through the process without success, while others may not be eligible to adopt, or have other difficulties, including disabiliites that may make this difficult if not impossible... Under these circumstances the "childless not by choice" really wish they could feel the certainty of the "childfree". Society, for the most part, still adds to the pressure. Childles people still often feel bombarded by with questions about "how many kids do you have" or the even more intrusive "why you don't have kids", "unsolicited suggestions or advice", and outright remarks that reflect pity, the last thing a childless person needs or wants to hear, and hence the feeling that you have lost out on something that comes so easily to so many... thus the "loser" feeling.

[SuperBenFranklin]

02:31 PM on 03/23/2011

There are few real things that are meaningful in life, kids may be the only one.

[GerryS]

10:37 PM on 03/22/2011

do not feel like a loser for not having kids,

but save every dime/dollar you can.

signed- a dink, and happy for it-------------

[grungegirl991]

09:57 PM on 03/22/2011

If she wants to have kids-I hope she does, but she sounds kind of immature--if you're 40...you should know what you want + not be rushing into marriage with somebody you maybe don't know, or aren't compatible with.

I hope she finds whatever she wants.

[Flor Arellano]

07:57 PM on 03/22/2011

She shouldn't feel like a loser just because she hasn't had children. I would like to have children someday, but if that doesn't happen, I would not consider my life unfulfilled. There are many great women who never had children; Jane Austen, Florence Nightingale, and Julia Child among other great women. It is not a requirement of being a woman, to have to be a mother.

[Kim White]

06:19 PM on 03/22/2011

She's a loser because she's not become a mother?? REALLY?? Three years ago, at the age of 42, I HAD to have a complete hysterectomony!! Everyone who knows me knows how much I love children; how much I would have loved to have become a mother!!! I wasn't fortunate to have that opportunity!! After the hysterectomy, I lost it all; my home, my car, and eventually my job. I moved back home and share transportation. I've fought with all I have to earn my degree; I'm 2 quarters shy of my Associate's and then it's on for my Bachelor's. I have more to offer than the sum of my parts and the rest of the world will see, too!! Shame on you, Kate Walsh, for having the audacity to call yourself a loser!!! Put your Jimmy Choo shoes in someone else's for a day!!! You need a dose of REAL reality before I listen to your words of self-pity!!!

[Nokilissa]

08:18 PM on 03/22/2011

Take a breath Kim. I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. Truly. And I believe it was a painful one. But to trash someone else for her choice of words in describing her pain with regard to a similarly painful missed opportunity at pregnancy seems misguided, and frankly a bit unhinged. And she didn't ask you to listen to her "words of self-pity". She was asked by a reporter to describe her feelings about something, and she did.

[tippisheadrun]

04:07 PM on 03/22/2011

I'm 47 yrs old. Don't want children now, never wanted children in the past. What irks me are all the people who, upon finding out that I am childless by choice, look at me like I am a freak. Some of these same people complain about the kids they had by ``accident`` but apparently that is more acceptable than being responsible about birth control & choosing to not have a child. I`m constantly being told that I`m missing something essential in my life but really the only thing I miss are people that mind their own business.

[ChurchofOne]

04:27 PM on 03/22/2011

WORD! I'm 52 and made the same choice.

When I first met my now-husband's eldest daughter, the first question she asked me was NOT "How did you meet my Dad?" but "How come you don't have kids?" This from a young woman who got knocked up at 16. My answer: I didn't WANT to have any.

Call me selfish if you like, but at least I am honest about it and didn't foist myself upon some poor unsuspecting infant.

[lovemac]

09:07 PM on 03/22/2011

Well, this is becoming more common now though. I'm 35 now, made a decision not to have kids a few years back. No biggie, I just don't feel the pull for it, no maternal instincts. I live a great life, have a great career, family, friends, I'm simply not missing anything. I don't apologize for it, but I also respect mothers very much. People are different, some want the traditional thing, some don't, there's room for all of us! I have a few friends around my age who are also not planning and never planned for kids and I also have very close friends who are mums. I truly think the society is slowly getting over this :) I's sad that Kate feels like a loser, but I'm not mad at her for saying that. This is an unfulfilled dream of hers, so that's sad, I don't care how rich or sucessful she is... I do think, however, that getting married after a 7 month courtship is just plain dumb. My opinion.

[chimom3]

01:08 AM on 03/23/2011

very well stated.

[CeleBeatDown]

04:06 PM on 03/22/2011

Don't feel bad. The gene pool thanks you.

[Nokilissa]

08:21 PM on 03/22/2011

Why so nasty?

[wetcoastm]

03:13 PM on 03/22/2011

I don't get all of the anti child comments.

If you don't want kids don't have any. If you have chosen to adopt, well that is great but that doesn't make you better than a woman who gave birth to her children because your kids 1st world kids still consume a significant amount of the worlds resources - just like my first world kids.

And yes there are some people who wish they did not have children. But I would wager most healthy people who make good choices are happy with their lives with our without children.

Why do women always have to tear each other down?

Stop bashing people who have kids, your parents had kids and if you are really so concerned about the footprint of children maybe you should follow your own suggestions and check out as you are such selfless beings.

Ms Walsh is speaking to her personal experience, she wanted children and has not had them yet so she feels bad. I feel for her, I see no reason to bash her for what we humans have all been doing since our inception.

As was already posted extremists are annoying at both ends of the spectrum. So all of you condescending people complaining about people having one kid, you are no better than the people who complain about women being allowed to have any control of our bodies.
Get over your bs.

[Said One]

03:18 PM on 03/22/2011

She is in the MIDDLE of a messy divorce a kid - biological or otherwise would have also been stuck in the middle of the same divorce - who would wish that on a child.

Thats what people are bashing her for - I like her as an actress but if it were me I'd be breathing a sigh of relief that theres not an added person being affected by a divorce (the child)

[fabinpink]

04:23 PM on 03/22/2011

She is not in a middle of a messy divorce. Her divorce was finalized last year. http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2010-04-13-kate-walsh-divorce_N.htm

[Said One]

02:51 PM on 03/22/2011

As I said before theres a big difference between wanting and having a kid and actually being a good parent.

Kate is in the middle of a messy post divorce - would a kid in that situation really have benefitted.

She might have not felt like a loser but her kid would have entered life being between two parents - if anything she should be grateful there was no kids - look at Nahla Berry barely 3 years old and already in the middle of a messy battle

[Flor Arellano]

01:11 PM on 03/22/2011

Just because you don't have children shouldn't make you feel like a loser. While I want to have children in the future, if I happen to not have them, I won't feel like my life was unfulfilled. There were many great women who never had children; Jane Austen, Virginia Woolf, Florence Nightingale and Julia Child, among other great women. It is not a requirement of being a woman, to have to be a mother.