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Abbie Dorn Granted Visitation Rights

By ANDREW DALTON   03/25/11 09:32 PM ET   AP

Abbie Dorn

LOS ANGELES -- A judge on Friday issued a temporary ruling allowing visitation with 4-year-old triplets to a mother so badly brain damaged by medical errors during childbirth that she can no longer walk, talk or eat.

Attorneys for both sides praised the tentative 10-page order issued by Superior Court Judge Frederick C. Shaller, who ruled after a two-week hearing that 34-year-old Abbie Dorn would be granted visits of three hours a day for five days each summer at the home in Myrtle Beach, S.C. where her parents care for her.

Lisa Helfland Meyer, attorney for Dorn's parents, said the decision set a precedent for "every single parent out there with any sort of disability."

"I think this is an astounding victory," Meyer said at a news conference. "The court held that this parent has the same right as any other parent to have visitation and a relationship with their child."

Shaller also ordered that the children could have a 30-minute monthly videoconference with their mother, a move Meyer said would establish a "wonderful continuity" between mother and children.

But Shaller's decision granted far less than the triplets' grandparents had asked for, and father Dan Dorn's attorney Vicki Greene said her side got exactly what they wanted – just five days of visits, all supervised by the father, Dan Dorn, who is raising the children at his Los Angeles home. The grandparents, in a lawsuit that is awaiting a trial date, are seeking four weeks of visitation without the father's presence.

Greene said the ruling confirmed their contention that grandmother Susan Cohen's beliefs were contradictory to those of the father and that she had a negative effect on the children.

"The judge recognized the father's right to parent his children without undue influence from the grandparents," said Greene who expressed hope that the two sides could accept the ruling's temporary provisions and avoid trial.

The ruling required that Dan Dorn would not just be in the room for the visits but would control them, and could forbid anyone including Susan Cohen or any other family members from being in the room.

Cohen said on a conference call from her home that she shared the judge's decision with her daughter and got a happy reaction.

"She gave me a long, long blink and a huge smile," Cohen said.

Medical and legal evidence show that Abbie Dorn would not have been capable of such a response. Dorn said.

"It's not an accurate portrayal," she said. "It's the grandmother's hope, but it has not been verified by the judge."

The judge called it "more likely that not" that Dorn "does not have any cognitive function, that her eye blinking and smiling and movements are involuntary." He later added, explaining the short visits, that though a bond has been established, "there is no purpose to exposing the children to a prolonged period with their comatose mother."

The judge did praise the "impressive" care given by Susan Cohen, calling her a "tireless, fully devoted and successful advocate for her daughter."

But the ruling directly forbids her from telling the children anything about what their mother thinks, saying anything about her prognosis, or suggesting that she may recover.

Greene argued during a hearing earlier this week that Abbie Dorn was so badly injured giving birth that she is no longer capable of being a parent, and that Cohen was an "unfit grandmother" who would fill them with unrealistic expectations that their mother might recover.

Attorneys for Abbie Dorn's family said that although Dorn may be incapable of taking part in a traditional mother-child relationship, that doesn't mean no relationship is possible.

"Even though Abbie can't interact with the kids, the kids can interact with Abbie," Meyer said at the news conference.

The ruling required that Dan Dorn set up a shelf or table at his home that is available to the children at all times with pictures and mementoes of their mother.

Abbie Dorn had given birth without incident to son Reuvi and daughter Esti, on June 20, 2006, but as a doctor was delivering a second son, Yossi, he accidentally nicked he uterus. Before doctors could stop the bleeding, her heart had stopped, a defibrillator malfunctioned and her brain was deprived of oxygen.

A year later Dan Dorn divorced her, believing she would never recover.

Meyer said that despite the ruling being temporary and the visits being short, she believes the time the triplets spend with their mother will lead to more, pointing out that visitation rights can constantly be modified.

"This is a beginning," she said. "As the children get older, as they become more bonded to their mother they will have additional time."

She also said the family hopes the visits will change the father's attitude.

"I hope that when Dan finally sees the benefit to the children having a relationship with their mother that he will change his feelings," Meyer said. "This is only a win-win for everybody."

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01:08 AM on 03/31/2011
What a horrible man. Shame on him. I hope he realize how much of an awful human being he is some day soon and that his kids deserve to see their mom. This woman suffered greatly to bring those kids into this world, the LEAST he could do is let her see them. Even with brain damage, she still has feelings. Seeing her children, even if she may not be aware who they are, is sure to make her life better.
06:06 PM on 03/30/2011
How despicable. Under the guise of "helping his children, he's erasing the existence of their mother. Maybe he forgot the part about "for better and worse, in sickness and in health." Now that she is so terribly and tragically damaged, it's ever so much easier to pretend she doesn't exist at all.

I understand that he is concerned that the children's grandmother might try to influence them with views that come out of love, not reality. But imagine if they never see their mother, never have the chance to gradually accept the parts of their birth story that are undoubtedly overwhelmingly difficult.

Realistically, mom is probably unaware that her children are being kept away. But that does not mean that he is right. More than anything, he is cruelly depriving his children of the chance to accept the situation at their own pace. Denial never works, as many former children can attest. The muck floats to the surface eventually. It would be so much easier for these kids if their mom's existence and condition is always acknowledged as a part of their lives, with other supportive adults easing them through the the tough questions.

And what about his poor wife who gave her existence to have their children? Blocking acknowledgement of her existence was a convenient way to solve a messy, hopeless situation. Sorry pal, you were given a tough row to hoe, to be sure, but the way you handled it makes you a contemptible coward.
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towny
The GOP clown car runs on hot air
02:20 PM on 03/28/2011
I cannot believe that any man would want to keep his children away from the mother who gave up her life for them. The kids will grow up & understand just what kind of man he is!
12:45 PM on 03/28/2011
This is one of the only reasons I hope there's a hell for horrible, selfish people.
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09:17 AM on 03/28/2011
I agree with the judge on all points.

However, instinctively, I really don't like when spouses divorce other spouses in these types of circumstances and then cut off ties altogether. I understand that these people want to have a quality of life on their own, but to take a vow and then just cut ties and leave the disabled spouse to someone else to take care of is just really bad, in my opinion. Especially in this case as this woman is in this condition due to giving birth to this guy's child. I think Schiavo did it correctly. He was at Terry's side for YEARS and never abandonned her, despite the fact that he made attempts to get on with his own life. I don't have all the facts in this most recent case, but it seems like this guy just did a cut and run. Pretty crappy.
03:43 AM on 03/28/2011
Father of the Year award for this guy.

Plus after he divorces the mom during her greatest need, he then sues her for child support. He probably wanted to get some of any settlement she might get from the hospital.

Those poor kids. They will, however, make him pay when they are grown.

Hope they don't get sick, he doesn't do sick.
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Foodgrade
Learn to grow banannas
12:29 AM on 03/27/2011
What the heck is wrong with us? What the heck is this called? Disposable mothers? Shame on em.
05:48 PM on 03/26/2011
How do you love someone enough to marry her, then dump her in her hour of greatest need? Is there no sense of responsibility in the husband to the woman who made the ultimate sacrifice to bring children into the family? This is what will bother the kids most when they are old enough to understand. This ruling is a good start but does not go far enough. Only 5 days a year, with the father in charge, who may not even allow the children to kiss, hug, or touch her. The natural affection to their mother can be stomped out if that is all that is allowed. If it takes a judge's ruling to allow the kids to see pictures of their mother, there is something wrong with their dad.
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MJinCanada
Safe from zombies until my 2nd cup of coffee
04:08 AM on 03/27/2011
What of his obligations to the kids? The medical costs must be crippling -- what comes first, feeding the kids or medical bills? Plus, what if he finds a woman who could be a good stepmother to the children? It's an awful situation all around.
03:39 AM on 03/28/2011
There was probably a very large settlement from the hospital for such large medical errors.
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sillyfrog
Pastafarian UU student
11:09 AM on 03/28/2011
All that does not take away the right of the children to see Mom.
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MJinCanada
Safe from zombies until my 2nd cup of coffee
04:30 AM on 03/27/2011
I don't get the part about him not wanting the kids to see her -- that's probably his own issue. But I can sort of understand the divorce.
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03:24 PM on 03/26/2011
Newt Gringrich dumped TWO wives as soon as they became ill----the first had cancer and the second had multiple sclerosis.
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Daoine
Ever hopeful...
08:24 AM on 03/28/2011
Well, he's gone to great lengths to teach us we can't expect any better from a guy named after a newt. I kind of feel like he gives the poor creatures a bad rap.
01:53 PM on 03/26/2011
How selfish, but a sign of the times. People are expendable if they aren't perfect. These kids won't be scarred if they have a relationship with their mother. They could learn that love is about giving, about patience, about sticking it out. And Dad has already taught them a scarring lesson: If you get hurt or sick or needy, I'll desert you like I did you mother. Poor kids!
01:37 PM on 03/26/2011
I remember this case from many years ago; I can't believe it's still going on. I remember the husband divorced his wife almost immediately and was suing for child support, even though he received a settlement and so did the children. Abbie is being taken care of by her parents in South Carolina and he and the kids live in California but there is enough money around for several visits a year.

What upset me today is that the video indicated that the temporary agreement allows the children to have pictures of their mother.... There is something very wrong with the former husband, who does that? It's obvious that he's the one with the problem not their kids.

The video showed a still picture of the sole visit the courts had allowed (which the temporary ruling was based) and the children are around Abbie kissing her so they seemed thrilled to see her and the former husband's attorney is on video admitting that the visit went well.

However, the temporary order states that the husband has to supervise the visits, the maternal grandmother was there for the first one and he doesn't get along with her so if grandma is not allowed to be there I wonder will the children feel free to touch and converse with their mother knowing the father doesn't approve?

There will be a trial because the former husband is still fighting this, I hope he loses. God win this one for Abbie.
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Spike5
Let's go forward, not back to an imaginary past
04:55 PM on 03/26/2011
Your comment is wrong on many counts.

The husband waited a full year until he was assured by all the physicians involved that there was no chance for his wife to regain any level of cognitive awareness. Then he decided he needed to focus on their three infants and move ahead with his own life. I can't imagine that Abbie wouldn't want them to have their father's full attention instead of being her full time caregiver, especially since her parents were willing to assume that role.

This sounds exactly like the way the Terry Schiavo case would have played out if there had been children. The woman's family refuse to believe that she is permanently and totally impaired and want to believe that the person they loved is 'still there.' But just as Terry Schiavo's autopsy proved that they had been deluding themselves for years, the judge and the husband know that isn't true. The grandmother insists on telling the children that their mother will get better. Giving them that false hope is cruel. I imagine the father also fears she may tell them that they are responsible for her condition--a horrible burden for any child.

Abbie's parents' prime concern is for their daughter. But her husband's prime concern is for their children--and that's exactly how it should be. The judge's decision was based on what he saw as the best interest of the children--a judgment both humane and kind.
02:05 AM on 03/27/2011
Abbie has brain activity Terry Schiavo didn't. And Abbie responds to commands, by blinking and smiling and Terry did not. Abbie's grandparents are lucky that their daughter's husband divorced Abbie or they could have found themselves in the same position Terry Schiavo's parents were in fighting for the very life of their daughter but Abbie's injuries though server are not as bad as Terry's were.

Also you are wrong about what this judge knows or doesn't know. He ordered the visits between the children and their mother because he evidently believes Abbie is responding to the children or he would not have done it.

How can the children be given any "false hope" when they weren't even allowed pictures of their mother until the court ordered that they could have them, much less false hope that Abbie being restored to former self. I do not believe the grandparents have ever told the children that, that’s heresy from the children’s father.

By the way what was the purpose of the former husband keeping pictures of their mother from the children? Are you saying that it would be "cruel" to see what their own mother looks like? C'mon, be honest, that's a major problem for the former husband, it proves he has issues that have nothing to do with what's in the best interest of their children.
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sillyfrog
Pastafarian UU student
11:22 AM on 03/28/2011
From what I have read Terry Schiavo's husband Michael did everything to fulfill her end-of-life wishes including fighting gov. jerks. He didn't want to hurt her parents but he got what she wanted. Not at all like Dan Dorn.
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Spike5
Let's go forward, not back to an imaginary past
04:59 PM on 03/26/2011
By the way, there was a $7.8 million malpractice award. Wouldn't the mother want a portion of that money go to providing a nanny and quality day care for her triplets while their father works? It's not a case of giving the money to the ex-husband.

That settlement is supporting the grandparents completely while they take care of Abbie. I don't understand why they don't want some of it going to help their grandchildren as well.
01:47 AM on 03/27/2011
I read the children received a settlement as well as the former husband so why should the grandparents, who are taking care of Abbie full-time, pay their former son-in-law additional child support when Abbie's settlement has to last her the rest of her life? Also, the husband refuse to let the children see their mother, it took almost 5 years and a court order again, there is no reason for the grandparents to financially aid the former husband further when they have their daughter to worry about, also I assume he works.

As I said previously it's not as if the former husband will contribute to the care of his former wife and mother of his children should her settlement money run out?
10:01 AM on 03/26/2011
As a father's rights educator, I am glad to see this happen for Abbie Dorn. I pray though that the courts also address similar cases where the man is disable and being denied access. Their cases never get media attention. I live in a nursing home and have seen a number of cases where disable fathers are not allowed to see their children by mothers who fell it is unhealthy, with the agreement of the courts.

This clearly was a feminized male.
http://Dads-House.org
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KIVPossum
Moldova Marsupial
09:42 AM on 03/26/2011
Heartbreaking. What kind of man will deny a mother the right to see her children?
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novabird
It's me, novabird
08:51 AM on 03/28/2011
A cold, heartless man who see women as possessions and baby incubators, to be thrown away when they are no longer useful. Sort of the way the Taliban and Teapart/GOP see women.
09:40 AM on 03/26/2011
Thank God this judge had the sense to do the right thing for these children. Not knowing their mother, who sacrificed so much for them, would do these children more harm than not knowing her.
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peegan
Obama 2012
05:15 AM on 03/26/2011
The milk of human kindness just drips from this man, doesn't it. To deny a woman the right to see her children, children she nearly died for in order to bring them into the world just breaks my heart. And I pity children who are being raised by a man who so clearly a small, selfish and petty individual.