So You Wanted To Be A Food Critic

04/04/2011 11:14 am ET | Updated Jun 04, 2011
  • McSweeney's

You were never able to commit to any specific career path. You went through phases where you wanted to be just about everything imaginable, from an archaeologist to a zookeeper, but you couldn't stick with any calling long enough to succeed. Your friends, your parents and--deep down inside--even you, accused you of being all talk and no action. That was a pill hard to swallow, though, so you worked hard to convince yourself that you simply hadn't found your passion yet.

Inspiration came thirty pounds later when you were face deep in a bowl of baked macaroni and artisanal cheese.

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