Holiday Tips For Divorced Parents

Mommyish:

Let's face it, there's a hierarchy of holidays. Any day that you get to miss work is definitely a holiday. Depending on the food served, the traditions honored and even the gifts given (don't act like it's not important, this is a safe place), we all have our favorites. My mother is a Christmas nut. She literally plans all year round for that single day of the year. So on Christmas, we have to see my mother. My mother-in-law, on the other hand, is attached to Easter. She has more bunnies in her house than Beatrix Potter. Because its her favorite, we make sure to see her on Easter. Thank goodness, these two wonderful ladies aren't devoted to the same day.

It's lot of fun to juggle holidays between my family and my in-laws. It's even more fun to throw in my daughter's father's schedule. Suddenly, there's a whole new set of favorites and preferences to consider. On any given holiday, here's the list of family obligations my three year old is supposed to honor: her immediate family, her mother's parent's, her mother's father's parents, her mother's mother's parents, her step-father's parents, her father, her father's father, her father's mother, her father's father's parents and her father's mother's parents. Now sometimes, grandparents and great-grandparents are seen simultaneously, but not always. So for a single holiday, my pre-schooler has ten households that want a fraction of her time.

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Comments

[Thx4lvng]

08:50 AM on 07/09/2011

Let me tell you what really sucks and deserves it's own article and rumination; when one ex wants to share the holidays in the spirit of peace and love and sharing the joys of young children with exes and their new partners and the former spouse does not. I was the dumped, I am the high earner who endured financial rape and the younger woman and I chose to embrace my ex for leaving me so he could allow me to be loved in a way that he no longer could. The peace of this is liberating. So why is it that he refuses to accept my invitation to share my scheduled holidays with the kids and his new love, whom I fully embrace without a shred of bitterness? after all the children love her, and they love their parents, and they would benefit from a post D relationship a la Bruce/Demi. I am Bruce, why won't Demi come around?

[SadVoter]

09:29 PM on 06/30/2011

I think when your parents are divorced, there is a natural tendency over time to spend holidays with friends instead of relatives - and specifically friends who also don't have families to celebrate with. I think spending the holidays with friends who can empathize is always better than spending them completely alone. I think you'd be surprised how many of your friends from broken homes are already spending their holidays with each other and you can probably join in. It is a very common thing.

[Susan Orlins]

11:23 PM on 06/28/2011

Oh yes, this is a big worry for when I am the grandmother. I have done the math. I am divorced and what if my kids each marry into divorced families? That's a lot of sharing. It took a lot of time just to adjust to sharing with my ex.

When summer vacation with all three girls shrunk to only ten days that everyone had in common, we began taking "family" vacations. It's a win-win-win situation. Not sure if my ex agrees, but our girls and I very much look forward to that holiday.

I like to take a wry look at divorce on Huff Po and on my blog, Confessions of a Worrywart. http://bit.ly/eDdoHf