How Do I Talk To Someone With Depression?

Have a loved one diagnosed with depression? Cancer? The thought of talking to that person can be scary and awkward. What do you say? What is polite, appropriate, helpful?

“What Do I Say” is a new original video series that will answer these questions on an ongoing basis. Tune in on Wednesdays, and look at our schedule below to see when we’re covering a topic affecting your life.

Future "How To Talk To Someone With ..."

July 27 – An Eating Disorder
August 3 - PTSD
August 10 – Compulsion
August 17 - Cancer
August 24 - Depression
August 31 – PTSD

ABOUT LLOYD I. SEDERER, M.D.

Lloyd I. Sederer, M.D., is Medical Director of the New York State Office of Mental Health, the nation's largest state mental health system. As New York's “chief psychiatrist,” he provides medical leadership for a $4 billion per year mental health system which serves more than 650,000 people every year and includes 26 hospitals, two research institutes, and community services throughout a state of 20 million people. He serves as Acting Director of The Nathan Kline Institute for Psychiatric Research, the OMH research institute affiliated with New York University. Dr. Sederer is an Adjunct Professor at the Columbia/Mailman School of Public Health.

Previously, Dr. Sederer served as the Executive Deputy Commissioner for Mental Hygiene Services in NYC, the City’s “chief psychiatrist”. He also has been Medical Director and Executive Vice President of McLean Hospital in Belmont, MA, a Harvard teaching hospital, and Director of the Division of Clinical Services for the American Psychiatric Association.

Dr. Sederer is the Mental Health Editor for The Huffington Post, where his posts appear regularly. His website is www.askdrlloyd.com.

More on our original video HERE.

Comments

[Isabel Alfonzo]

04:26 PM on 08/10/2011

My boyfriend had been depressed, or falling into depression, for a couple months before i noticed something was seriously not ok with him. He stopped doing all the things he likes to do, he hasn't applied to any jobs at all, he cries and gets a bit aggressive... Anyway, even if i did, every day, ask him how he was, i never got a straight answer telling me how he felt until the day i asked if he was ok, and if there was anything that he may want to talk about with me. So yeah, that's the one simple question that works, at least for me.

I don't think he's weird, or crazy or anything, but i realize his mind is just not working how it used to, so YES, I DO WONDER how to talk to him.
I went through a number of websites where people talked about depression, and realized that some questions i'd been asking my bf, some things i'd been telling him as to "encourage him" were having an opposite effect.

I'll be expecting the What do i say? Video on August 24th

Thanks a lot for doing this. It's not easy to talk about it with people who are not aware of what a depression means

[DiogenesOfAlaska]

02:03 AM on 07/20/2011

...which is definitively not the same as asking "how do you do?"

Some scourge that idiomatic language is.

[Debbi Jones]

11:13 AM on 07/19/2011

I have complex PTSD, with DID. Often people don't realise I have switched, and obviously, nor do I. Often it is only when I see the clothes I have been wearing or when someone tells me I said or did something that I don't remember that I know that I have switched. This can be quite odd for my family and friends, but for people who don't know me, I seem to get away with it. Worse for me is when I am having flash backs, at that point I am no longer in the room at all, I am in the worst kind of terror and often scream, cry and punch myself in the face during them. I imagine that is extremely confronting for those people who have had to witness this. In this situation, the very best thing you can do is not talk to me at all, just let me get through it and then try not to show your shock... offer me a way out of my humiliation at publicly losing it and I will be extremely grateful! In the immortal words of Jim Morrison, people are strange when you're a stranger. So, don't be a stranger. If we aren't episodic, we're just people. If we are episodic, we're just people in torment who need compassion and kindness. Don't be afraid of us please, but of course, if our behaviour is dangerous, stay clear and call for help!

[Debbi Jones]

11:13 AM on 07/19/2011

I get why articles like this are important, and I applaud the Huffington for posting them, but it makes me wonder if there was a time when there were articles titled, "How to talk to a black person" or "How to interact with a homosexual". It seems just as bizarre to me, but I guess that is because, as a person with mental illness, I fully get that I AM A PERSON (with mental illness). The only difference in communicating with folk who are depressed or experiencing a psychological episode related to a mental illness is to go easy on them if they seem to be socially inept or behaving odd in other ways. Rather than try to escape, perhaps you could even ensure that they are safe during the episode and if it seems to be severe, call for help for them.

[daybranch]

10:34 AM on 07/19/2011

What do you say to them? Tell them Elizabeth Warren is running for congress!!!

[NorwegianBoatOwner]

08:46 AM on 07/19/2011

It's not always you have to talk
Often, the only thing you need to do is to stay and listen.

[BMarcus]

11:15 AM on 07/19/2011

I agree. My best friend's husband died and she had come to town. I went to visit her, we made some tea and just sat across the table from each other for about three hours. This was on Fifth Avenue in NYC and there was a parade going by that day. We could hear the sounds of the parade out the window, but we never spoke a word. Neither of us felt uncomfortable nor did we feel a need to talk. It was enough just to be in each other's presence. This was all she needed. No words would have helped. Later we left the apartment and walked downstairs to take in a bit of the parade. It all seemed so surreal.

[ASpeciallady62]

08:18 AM on 07/19/2011

I have bipolar depression. I say to talk to me as you would talk to any other normal rational person. We don't have the plege. We like to hear about your problems,because it makes our problems seem alot less.The best therapist I had,was the one who had more problems than me. My life was great according to her problems. I met my husband when I was seeing her. She was of great encouragement to me. Now I'm happily married with one rotten step monster teenager. G-d Bless America.Thank you Amy