Mary J. Blige Talks Troubled Past On VH1: Singer Opens Up About Addiction

In an episode of "Behind the Music" that aired Sunday night on VH1, singer Mary J. Blige opened up about the problems in her past and her struggles with childhood molestation, addiction and alcoholism.

"When I was five years old I was molested," she said in one of the most revealing interviews of her career. "I remember feeling, literally, right before it happened, I just could not believe that this person was going to do this to me. That thing followed me all my life. The shame of thinking my molestation was my fault. It led me to believe I wasn't worth anything."

In addition to talking about her past sexual abuse, the "Rock of Ages" star also opened up about her struggle with alcoholism. "It was bigger than me. And it was definitely going to kill me. So I was like, this is it and let's go. And I remember sitting on my bed. I swear, I don't know what death feels like, but I felt like my spirit was trying to leave my body," she said.

At the height of her success, her casual cocaine use became a full-blown addiction as her romance with Jodeci star K-Ci Hailey began to unravel in the mid-1990s.

"I really didn't care about myself," said the singer. "I was borderline suicidal...I was like the walking dead; just smoking and drinking and hanging."

In a moment of desperation, alone in a hotel bedroom, she prayed: "I remember saying a prayer: 'Send me someone to help me.'"

And Blige admitted that it was her current husband, Kendu Isaacs, who helped her get her life back on track.

"I stopped drinking," she said. "It was will power. It was prayer. It was really hard. But, I cared so much about him, I didn't want to be just this alcoholic burden on him. He doesn't deserve for me to be some, you know, slum-bucket alcoholic, and so I took responsibility and I cleaned up, as much as I could. But it was hard."

To watch more bonus clips and web exclusives of Blige's "Behind the Music" special, head over to VH1.

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Get More: Behind The Music, Reality TV Shows, Reality TV Shows 6

Comments

[Bryneen Gary]

10:53 AM on 07/29/2011

Dazzling Style, WOnderful Lyrics, Original Icon, The Real Hiip Hop Queen
Give it up for Mary J. Blige
She will always have a Place in my heart
Love Her.

she made Hit after Hit and never fell off
Despite her past troubles
she's so strong, you wouldn't think
she had any.

[Bryneen Gary]

10:51 AM on 07/29/2011

Growing up in the 90's, Mary J. Blige not only Inspired me, but kept me uplifted through her Dazzling Style and Wonderful Voice and Unique Choice of Words. One of my Favorites of all time. She stayed around in my teenage and Adult years. Truly a Blessing

[Rothay]

01:27 PM on 07/26/2011

Another celeb with a drug past someone here comments. Right on that score. But unlike the tragedy of Amy Winehouse, Mary J. Blige overcame her demons. She is to be praised from the roof tops. She is already a huge talent, winner of 10 Grammy awards and heaven knows what else. That took a lot of dedication her part. But talent and success and recognition do not insulate you against the temptation of drugs and alcohol out there, the partying where anything goes. The celebrity culture worships decadence and self-destruction. Mary J. saw the light. She knew her addictions would kill her, as they have other great talents and at an early age. Bravo Mary J. I am a fan, not only of your soul singing but of your overcoming and bravery in mentioning your unhappy past experiences, how they lead to self-hate, and how you climbed out of all. God bless you, Mary J. Here's to more and more success and to your successful marriage. Yours is an uplifting story.

[ScarlettMocha]

01:16 PM on 07/26/2011

I love her music. WORK THAT!

[foreverdeena]

12:59 PM on 07/26/2011

I really cannot believe some of the comments that people are making on here about drug addiction. I think it is really sad when people cannot relate to another person's struggle just because they handled the same experience differently. People who are addicted feel an overwhelming, uncontrollable need for drugs or alcohol, even in the face of negative consequences. That self-destructive behavior can be hard to understand but, drug addiction is just that an addiction. If humans had such easy control and made perfect decisions then no one would smoke cigarettes and everyone would be skinny. All I am saying is that each person deals with situations differently and just because a microscopic few in this comments section come out of molestation okay and able to adapt to the world there are many more who cannot cope with such a horrible thing and end up with no self worth and will put anything in their body to numb the pain or forget something that was horrible to them. I never was abused by anybody in any way and I never took drugs of any sort either BUT , I DO UNDERSTAND. Each person has a different coping mechanism. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. It’s not that complicated. Have some compassion. They told her story, whether it pulled your heartstrings or not is a matter of opinion but all I know is if they left that part out it wouldn't be her full story.

[reseel55055]

03:47 PM on 07/26/2011

We also need to remember that those who usually come out of those horrible situations okay do so because of therapy or other kind of help, and that's the real story, that we need to get these kids the help they need before they move onto a destructive behavior to try to cover their pain. Getting it out in the open and letting ppl know they're not the only ones and that it's not okay is important, as well as showing them how to get help so it doesn't ruin their entire life!

[Sheila Verrier]

12:53 PM on 07/26/2011

May God Bless And Keep You Strong From now on Mary J.!! I'm so proud of you and I admire your strength, will-power, and respect you now have for life!! Your past troubles, were NOT your fault, so stand tall and be proud of who you are!!! God Bless You Always!!!

[Trizah7]

12:45 PM on 07/26/2011

I love her, love her music. Very soulfull singer. This girl can wear the hell out of thigh high boots!

[mccann25]

12:14 PM on 07/26/2011

Who?

[Samurai Cowboy]

12:01 PM on 07/26/2011

Her last name is spelled wrong. It should be Mary J. Bilge.

[TopSgt]

11:34 AM on 07/26/2011

I'm so tired about hearing about some worthless Person talking about Abuse, etc...Just to use it as an Escalator to Stardom? And, the same old Story, I was an Alcoholic, et al..If She has any kind of Talent, She should start with that, instead of making BS Statements. If the Molestation is True, then, WHY isn't Her Molester behind Bars? Total BS to garner Sympathy.

[unclecrackre]

11:27 AM on 07/26/2011

It's all about perspective. I found out my granddaughter had been molested when she was 11 yrs. old, by a relative. Fortunately for him, he is now deceased or I would have hastened his departure. She could have let it eat her alive, but she didn't. She faced it head on, dealt with it, and was eventually able to forgive him. She's a stronger person than me. I admire her so much.

[msnikki73]

10:47 AM on 07/26/2011

Maybe if those who make the rude comments about victims of past sexual abuse would spend an hour at their local child advocacy's center and hear first hand accounts from the children they would change their tune. I am sure they would be shocked by the number of victims they would encounter. One in 4 boys and one in 6 girls are abused. This is a widespread problem and has always been, the only difference now is that you have people who are brave enough to speak out and tell their stories. These stories need to be heard so those who are going through now or have in their past will know that the abuse was not their fault and they can have hope that they can overcome the pain and struggles of such a horrific act.

[reseel55055]

11:52 AM on 07/26/2011

And those are just the cases that are reported, many, many instances go unreported, so i believe those numbers are MUCH higher than we can even imagine. It's awful for kids, especially when so many are abused by so-called trusted family members that are supposed to love them. Imagine how that screws with your head, or a mom who doesn't do anything about it when you tell her. Not too damaging, huh? No wonder our kids are all screwed up!!

[cmfrtblebbw]

10:28 AM on 07/26/2011

I watched that whole program, and although she did allude to the molestation as leading to her very low self esteem, I thought the producers (and this writer) were the ones dwelling on it. Mary J also talked about her parents divorce, her general lack of parenting, lousy schools, the general ghetto environment, etc etc.

I get it, sorry you guys don't. And yes, that stuff does a number on your way of thinking, so, if you're inclined to addiction, Addiction will drive you like a Lamborghini with a bottomless gas tank.

[cbq666]

10:12 AM on 07/26/2011

I am proud of Mary J. Blige for opening up, I know how she feels, I was like her, hard to Open up, now 14years sober. WTG Girl.

[reseel55055]

03:49 PM on 07/26/2011

Bravo on your sobriety!! I know personally what an accomplishment that is and wanted to acknowledge it!!

[angler725]

09:05 AM on 07/26/2011

I cant remember, I was only 5yrs. old, but I am sure I was abused or something really, really bad happened to me. Do only famous people suffer from abuse? I am absolutely sure it does happen. I only wonder because it's like everybody has been abused. Maybe something should be done to address the abuse that seems to be rampent in some communitys. Drugs, abuse, murder...better stay from those places, eh?

[cmfrtblebbw]

10:29 AM on 07/26/2011

Aren't YOU special? Let's beat up the victim some more...gawd, you're so RUDE!

[angler725]

07:08 AM on 07/27/2011

At least I'm not gullible.

[MtnGeek]

11:29 AM on 07/26/2011

Or maybe you should develop some sympathy for your fellow man. Oh, and by the way, words that end in 'y' are pluralized with 'ies' as in communities. Just a little tip.

[angler725]

07:18 AM on 07/27/2011

Oh I know I misspell and punctuate poorly. I do know this though; one does not have to be a cowboy to know horse poo when he see's it. ( P.S. I have suffered with Inattentive ADHD since childhood that went undiagnosed until just recently. Sadly they did'nt have the good resourses back then we have today...my grandkids won't have to experience what I did)