Too bad you can only win this if your book isn't real; otherwise, Snooki would have been a no-brainer.
If you haven't heard of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, allow us to introduce you to your new favorite thing (we're all former English majors, right?). Named after the author who originated the line, "It was a dark and stormy night," the contest challenges writers to submit the worst opening lines to imaginary novels they can muster. Cliches are trotted, metaphors are mixed, words are slaughtered... and not a bit of it takes place on the Jersey Shore.
We found ourselves so taken with this year's winners that we decided to bring a few of them to life through the majesty of stock photography. So, do you agree with the judges' picks? Think you can do better? Try writing your own in the comments and see if you have what it takes to be a failed writer. Click over to the Bulwer-Lytton Contest Website to see all of the submissions