It’s officially almost August, the month where everyone seems to realize in a collective stress-bomb – that summer is almost puttering to an end. I don’t know what happens to June and July, they get shoved into summer’s trunk like a murder mystery and I always want to make the most of my August once it rolls around.
So while we count down the days to summers end, I figured why not begin a little end-of-summer bucket list (before stores everywhere start sending me coupons for thick knit sweaters and those weird things that zip up your leg…boots…is that what they’re called? Great, I’m ready to put on my flip flops and get started. Take these simple 31 tips (duh, one for each day in August) and make sure you fulfill every single one before summer peaces its way outta dodge.
1. Walk into the CVS Pharmacy just because you’re so hot your inner thighs are stuck together.
2. Get one of those awkward sunburns on your lower back because, while you were trying to be a good person by lathering up, you’re not perfect and your arms aren’t that long. And what kind of freak can reach that portion of your backside?
3. Secretly hate on the chick that can wear those baggy, thin shorts that make it look like you’re wearing a diaper if you ever tried to wear them.
4. Never apologize for accidentally checking out the construction workers on your way to work or class in the morning. What? They’re tan, wearing hard hats and their veins are popping out, how was I suppose to know he’s forty?
5. Go into a movie by yourself. And smuggle whatever you can in the biggest purse you own. You are a frugal, stealthy and independent woman. And it’s cold and dark in the theater. Ideal summer cooling mechanism.
6. Go to a baseball game and blame the fact you don’t know what inning it is on the Summer Shandy.
7. Pop for a Venti iced drink from Starbucks at least three times a week. For two fighting reasons: just trying to hydrate; just trying to save the coffee maker for the cold, winter months.
8. Make out dramatically in a summer rainstorm.
9. Whatever, I’ll say it – take a nice long pee in the lake.
10. Buy a dumb straw hat that doesn’t match any of your outfits, that you will only wear once or never.
11. Roll around with some saucy dude in a tent under the stars (wanted to make this sound semi-classy.)
12. Sign up for a month of yoga classes. Go once.
13. Count treading water in the shallow end of the pool as a legitimate workout regimen.
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