Anxiety Causes: What's Making My Child Anxious?

That's my million-dollar question: What makes a child anxious?

Because really, all children experience anxiety in one form or another, right? Anxiety in children, to some degree, is normal and a part of growing up. My 3-year-old still screams whenever I hand him to a babysitter and my kindergartner always sleeps with the lights on because he's afraid of the dark.

It's not big deal. These anxieties are fairly routine and, luckily, they can usually outgrow these fears in time without too much trouble.

Then there are the children who experience anxiety that doesn't seem to go away. I'm talking about anxiety and worries that begin to interfere with the child's usual activities, like going to school or playing with friends.

My son has struggled with both. Another way my son's anxiety shows up is at dinner time. My son develops a stomach ache at approximately 3 p.m. pretty much every day. It makes dinner time extremely stressful for all of us, because by the time dinner rolls around he's so stressed out that he's incapable of sitting down and eating a meal.

I wonder all the time about the causes of my son's anxiety. I worry that somehow I did something to make him feel the way he does.

A lot.

There! You see that? I just admitted that I worry a lot, too. Now that it's out there I will also admit I probably worry more than I should. Is it my fault that my child is anxious? I hope not. I don't think so -- but if it's not me, what is making my child anxious?
I'm slightly relieved that there is no single cause of anxiety in children. Rather, anxiety is more likely caused by a number of factors that include a combination of a child's genetics and their environment.

If you have a family history of anxiety, it's more likely that your child will have it as well. You can't fight genetics. I don't know that many people on my family tree were officially diagnosed with having anxiety, but if I listen to some of the stories I've heard growing up, it's pretty clear that I come from a long line of worry-warts.

So I may joke about it, but I know that about myself, and as my son has gotten older and his anxious behaviors have become more evident I've taken a lot of care to keep my own fears and anxieties quiet around him. If kids grow up in a family where they see worrying as a way of coping with life, it can teach them to be anxious.

One strategy I've tried to teach my son is to consider whether or not the things that are upsetting him are in his control or out of his control.

I know I won't ever really know what's causing my son's anxiety and I can't control it. I accept him and I love his nervous, little-boy self like crazy. Then I worry about him quietly after he goes to bed.

Amy Jo Jones lives and plays in Milwaukee, Wisconsin with her husband and her two sons. She writes about it all on her personal blog, Binkytowne.

Comments

[vikmth]

12:21 AM on 08/06/2011

When i feel anxiety attack ,i take 2 teaspoon of vinegar and then drink water. it worked for me. i haven't anxiey long time..

[Tammy Ashley]

02:18 PM on 08/05/2011

I was an anxious child as well, in fact I cannot remember a time of not being anxious and I still am.
I know that both my Mom and Dad were major factors that were involved with this. My Mother was always a worry wort and my Dad was one of the most highly critical kill joys I have ever known. I can't imagine what life would be like without having something to feel anxious over but I sure would like to try.

[evilkittiebaby]

10:56 AM on 08/05/2011

I'm a person with an anxiety disorder and it started when I was about 6. I was also getting sick to my stomach cause of my nerves never being able to settle. I also was absent from school a lot because of it. My mom didn't know what it was until I was 14 and diganosed with high anxiety disorder. I struggle so bad that I can't have a job unless its in a small setting which is hard to find. So I go to school so I can become a child therapist to help children that are like me.
And one thing that may help a kid with anxiety is a "good luck" charm to carry around in their pocket that they can hold when they feel uncomfortable so they can calm down. Also, therapy is not a bad thing. Not everyone goes to a therapist cause they are crazy. And sometimes having a person that will not scold you and just listen to you without judgement can really help. Cause with a parent, you want to be approved and rewarded by them so its not always easy to talk to them.

And never ever put a kid of meds unless everything else including therapy hasn't helped an ounce or things seem to get worse. with meds there can be other problems that come with it especially for a child becaise they are still developing.

[exoticdoc2]

10:10 AM on 08/05/2011

I've seen it many times before. If your kid is overly anxious, odds are they get it right from you.

[JeNaire MorganteBrown]

08:22 AM on 08/05/2011

Thank you for this article, My 8 year old son is a very anxious kid, and we are in the process of trying to figure out what causes it and how to help him deal with it. Of course I do know where he gets it from, beacuse I myself deal with it on a daily basis. This article let me know I'm not alone, and relieved my anxiety for that question. lol

[Gonzo36]

10:30 AM on 08/04/2011

Oy. I too have an 'anxious' child- my oldest. What I figured out is he doesnt have an innate ability to relax or get rid of his stress. My second child has no problem with anxiety- he just grabs his stuffed animal or blanket, or plays with toys, or watches tv. All these things seem to help him relax. But my first born doesnt get the same relaxation from these activities. We tried many things, from listening to music, to writing in a 'diary', to hitting a punching bag in the garage. What FINALLY worked for him was reading in his bed by himself. It took 8 years and even some therapy before he found something that worked for him. It isnt perfect and he still gets anxious at school where he has no choice but to be with other kids (as opposed to some alone quiet time), but at least it is a start. Good luck!