Only Planet: Why One Child Is Often Enough

life.nationalpost.com:

We're passing one of those nostalgia-infused candy shops when I spot him. At seven, he's about the same age and size as my 4-foot-3-inch hulk of a son. And -- rubbernecking now -- I realize this able-bodied child is being helped out of a stroller. A stroller? My son refused that ride by three-and-a-half. If I tell you this long-legged prince is an only child, you might think "Aha!" But so is my son. Can we really form any conclusions here?

For about 30 years, social psychologist Susan Newman has been smashing down the stereotypes people lob at only children. They're spoiled, lonely, bossy -- they even talk funny, apparently. In her new book, The Case for the Only Child: Your Essential Guide, Newman reviews more than a century's worth of research on only children. Speaking by phone from her New Jersey home, Newman says many people don't realize how consistent the findings are: "We've been brainwashed to believe that every child needs a sibling. And the research shows that that's just not true. Only children turn out just as well, or develop just as well, as other children."

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Comments

[jnncan8]

04:44 PM on 09/22/2011

Our son will be our only unless we come to a point where we decide to adopt. Some people give us a hard time (especially my in-laws) but we are happy. Our son is four and he's doing just fine. He does go to daycare since my husband and I both work, so at least he does have some social interaction with other kids. Some parents are able to happily raise four, five or more kids, and more power to them. To each their own.

[markham86]

04:38 PM on 09/22/2011

I have one daughter, 21 yrs old and she turned out to be great. A little spoiled, but hell she's my one and only and I don't plan on having more kids. It's too expensive and time consuming. I love my one and only to death...

[MarcEdward]

10:13 AM on 09/22/2011

There are advantages to having one child.
1) Parents vs. kid, it's double coverage. With 2 kids, it's "man to man", and with 3 kids we have to use the "prevent defense". More work, also more fun.
2) Cheaper and convenient - the world is designed for people with 1 or 2 kids. All your "vacation packages" are for 2 parents and 1-2 kids, not three kids. Cars are designed the same way. Plus, with one kid, you only go through the diaper period once, you only toilet train once, etc.
That said, we're much happier having three kids, and our kids are generally happier than all the only children we've met. Everything we learned with our first child made the subsequent kids easier to raise. Our 3rd son toilet trained himself because he wanted to be like his brothers. They help each other with things, like getting homework done, getting food, and there's always somebody to play with - no inane "play dates" with kids who just happen to be within driving distance. They have a great sense of self and security, because although they fight plenty, they love each other like a pile of kittens. Each child has his own strengths, they are all born with their personalities, and the social dynamic is good for them and entertaining to watch. Best of all, long after my wife and I are dead, these guys will still have each other to depend on and rely on. Having 3 kids, best decision we ever made (aside from getting married), having three sons, luckiest thing we've ever had.

[mad world]

08:24 AM on 09/22/2011

I have mentioned to some that my son will be my first and last child, and people have scoffed. "Well, he's gonna need someone to play with! He'll be all alone!" Sure, I could have another one...worry every day of my pregnancy like I did the first time...work long days to support the new addition....be unable to adequately support my first child emotionally because I'm so busy caring for the new one, being exhausted and working my tail off.....have to play referee for two kids for the next 18 years or more....buy twice the food, clothing and toys I do now....on second thought, I'm glad I'm on birth control. It's amusing when people try to guilt me into having a second child, but I know my limits and my child's needs. A new mouth to feed is not a necessity, for either of us.

[Kay Nicks]

09:00 PM on 09/21/2011

My one was way too much fun... he is now my awesome adult son.
I would not change a single thing...no worries, no regrets.

[Seven Teenatheart]

04:12 PM on 09/21/2011

When I was younger I wanted several children "one day".
But since my son came along, I've really enjoyed just having him, and devoting time to raising him with lots of love and attention.

Sure, more would have been a different scenario and could have been equally fun.
But today is spaghetti night (he helps) and he wants to teach himself calligraphy, with Mom around to tell about his day. And I'm grateful for the one on one time.

[Max Shaw]

02:38 PM on 09/21/2011

I agree. One kid is enough. China gets it, and see what happened to their population? At the rate America is going with this fascination of Jon & Kate Plus 8, and Octomom, and Angelina Jolie etc..were going to surpass them in no time!

[MarcEdward]

10:14 AM on 09/22/2011

Thing is, the pattern in most societies if for the educated classes to limit their reproduction, while the poor and uneducated classes have a zillion kids.

[Max Shaw]

11:00 AM on 09/22/2011

Very true! Did you see the movie Idiocracy?? The intro says it all.

[BigWillyG]

01:20 AM on 09/26/2011

Would not be saying good things about the neo-eugenics of the Chinese. Close to the worst human rights violations on Earth. Also shows and the media circus around someone like Octomom exist because it's an anomaly. Average birth rate in the US is slightly below replacement rate, akin to most of Europe. Slightly higher on a national level but most of that comes from the higher birth rates of new immigrants. Given a generation those drop down to normal US/Europe levels.

[Clyde Pendleton]

12:23 PM on 09/21/2011

As an only child that went to public school I turned out just fine.

[BigWillyG]

01:21 AM on 09/26/2011

Same here. Considering what a pain siblings were for my friends I've never felt the need to have them.

[FBuchan]

11:50 AM on 09/21/2011

And yet the number of times I have had otherwise intelligent people ask, "When are you having another?" increases as my daughter gets older.

[Kay Nicks]

08:59 PM on 09/21/2011

I got that all the time....if it's any consolation, they quit asking when I was around 38! lol

[spicebabieforlife]

03:36 PM on 09/22/2011

lol ....