Jamie Hubley, a gay 15-year-old from Ottawa, Canada, committed suicide on Friday.
The 10th grade student documented his life, including his depression and the hardships of being a gay teen, in a blog, reports the Ottawa Citizen.
The blog, called "You Can't Break... When You're Already Broken" featured posts with numerous references to and photos of self harm and cutting, pictures of guys kissing and mentions of wanting a boyfriend, and bleak, ominous messages like "Sometimes I wish the breeze would just take me with it," "The only thing worse than being hated is being ignored. At least when they hate you they treat you like you exist," and "Suicides is always an option."
Other posts revealed how difficult school was for Hubley:
"I hate being the only open gay guy in my school… It f***ing sucks, I really want to end it. Like all of it, I not getting better theres 3 more years of highschool left, Iv been on 4 different anti -depressants, none of them worked. I’v been depressed since january, How f***ing long is this going to last. People said “It gets better”. Its f***ing bull****. I go to see psychologist, What the f*** are they suppost to f***ing do? All I do is talk about problems, it doesnt make them dissapear?? I give up."
His last post, which he wrote on Friday, paints a heartbreaking portrait of a boy looking for -- and ultimately unable to find -- acceptance:
Im a casualty of love.
Well, Im tired of life really. Its so hard, Im sorry, I cant take it anymore.
First Id like to mention my friends Nancy, Abby, Colleen, jemma, and Kasia
Being sad is sad : /. I’v been like this for way to long. I cant stand school, I cant stand earth, I cant stand society, I cant stand the scars on my arms, I cant f***ing stand any f***ing thing.
I dont want my parents to think this is their fault either… I love my mom and dad : ) Its just too hard. I dont want to wait 3 more years, this hurts too much. How do you even know It will get better? Its not.
I hit rock f***ing bottom, fell through a crack, now im stuck.
My favorite singers were lady gaga , Adele , Katy perry, and Jessie james, Christina aguilara and most of all I think KASIA!!! I LOVED Singing, and she helped me a lot : ) Im not that good at it though :”/, Im going to miss you guys
(well You know who you are, But to the people who didnt like me (many) A big f*** you, Go ride a unicorn. But w/e I love you anyway.)
Remember me as a Unicorn :3 x) MAybe in my next life Il be a flying squirreel :D
Il fly away.
"From the outside, he looked like the happiest kid. He was always smiling and giving everybody hugs in the halls,” said Steph Wheeler, a close friend of Hubley's.
"I just remember him wanting a boyfriend so bad, he’d always ask me to find a boy for him. I think he wanted someone to love him for who he was,” she said.
A Facebook page dedicated to Hubley has been set up and students are planning a memorial performance in his honor.
Hubley's death comes just weeks after American teen Jamey Rodemeyer committed suicide after being bullied for being gay.
While many, including Lady Gaga who has called for bullying to be made illegal and Dan Savage who began the It Gets Better campaign, are working to help gay teens, sadly, it's obvious there remains much work to be done.
Update on October 18 at 8:54am ET: Hubley's father, Ottawa city councillor Allan Hubley, released a statement last night saying that his son was bullied in school and that his family believes it was a factor in his suicide. Discussing a "Rainbow Club" that Jamie tried to start at his high school to promote acceptance of others, Allan Hubley said:
"The posters were torn down and he was called vicious names in the hallways and online... We will not say that the bullying was the only reason for James's decision to take his own life but it was definitely a factor...We hope from our tragedy others will become more active in stopping this cruelty towards children."
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