Oprah Winfrey's Advice To Single Moms From Lifeclass

After at home viewers of Oprah's Lifeclass turned off their TVs last Friday night, the cameras kept rolling to bring this exclusive clip -- and very important message -- to HuffPost Parents.

"I feel because their father failed them, I have failed them," a single mom in the audience said. Oprah and her longtime friend, relationship expert Iyanla Vanzant counseled her. They encouraged her to be more confident, to know that she will be "just fine" raising kids alone.

"You are enough!" Oprah reminded her.

For more lessons from Oprah, tune in to Oprah's Lifeclass weeknights at 8/7c.

Tonight's Lesson: Joy Rising: Australia will be followed by a live conversation at 9/8c on OWN, Oprah.com and Facebook.

Plus: Check in to class for a chance to win a trip to see a taping of the show. Get the Oprah's Lifeclass iPad app and sign up for e-mail updates from OWN here

More from Oprah.com:
How are your beliefs shaping your life?
What Oprah knows for sure about taking responsibility for your life
Tune in to the live webcast with Oprah on Friday night!

Comments

[harriettubman]

10:38 AM on 11/04/2011

People really need to read an article in its entirety BEFORE commenting. I didn't see the show but from what I got out of this, the mother felt like she failed her child because she chose a father who failed his kids. Having one good parent beats not having 2 parents any day!!!!!

[ineedabreak]

10:15 PM on 11/03/2011

As a single parent, I have to say (not being arrogant), but I knew I was "enough" for my daughter since I raised her alone from the minute she was born til 18. It was only after she turned 18, that my ex-husband's wife did the most damage and brainwashed my daughter to hate me and turn against me in the matter of literally, 2 months time. I don't have the money they do, I don't have the luxuries they do and now, I question if I EVER was "ENOUGH". All my years of instilling her with values, morals and never-ending love and devotion - all blown to smithereens by my ex's - wife. Now, my daughter and I have no contact as she's been told to hate me and disregard me. If I was truely "ENOUGH", then how could this have happened?

[harriettubman]

10:44 AM on 11/04/2011

Sorry for your current situation but I can tell you, any parent that's tried their best and done well by his/her child, that child will eventually come back. The tables will eventually turn on any parent trying to brainwash a child against another parent. It always happens because one day they will seek the truth or go back to their roots.

Some teen friends of my daughter have a father, in another state, who is still trying to control his ex-wife thru their kids and one is now 18, while the other is 17!!! He's forever using the "divorce decree says", blah, blah, blah about visitation. The 18 yrs old says she's not having it any more!!!! Eventually he'll be looking at the back of his door for good instead of opening it to welcome them in.

[pjlim]

05:32 PM on 11/01/2011

Maybe Oprah better clear that advice with the GOP, especially Slick Rantorum, first........

[Erica Washington]

06:57 PM on 10/31/2011

What posters seem to be ignoring is that Iyanla and Oprah answered a question that was asked by a woman whose husband left her, and she was in the process of a divorce. What I ascertained was that her own father was "great" (her own words), and my assumption was that she felt like she had failed because she couldn't keep the marriage together for the children. I don't see what that has to do with single fathers. Would you preferred that they offer put downs to a woman whose husband left her, ans was divorcing her? It seems to me that people just wanted to jump on the gripe train without ever watching the clip.

[Nkeu]

03:15 AM on 11/02/2011

Yes Erica...I totally agree with you. They just saw "Oprah advises single woman" , and felt they had to thrown insults on Oprah...that to me is ridiculous.

[Charles W Noble]

05:24 PM on 10/31/2011

I don't know what that means. As a father, i don't feel like i'm enough. I am grateful that I have a wife that is a superb parent and partner. I am grateful for our nuclear family as well as the extended family and friends. We are social animals and I guess I don't buy into this "you are enough" speech. I think recognizing that we are not perfect and that we partner with our spouse, family, friends, and community to raise our children increases the level of responsibility. It forces us to look at our relationships and make sure they are nurturing to our children. That is a true challenge. Ultimately, single moms and dads need to recognize that our children need connection to our community and it is part of our job to create that sense of belonging within them.

[inthedesert]

05:19 PM on 10/31/2011

Why OW "teaching" now? LOL. She is dead wrong on the single parent thing. I grew up without a dad(he was killed in an accident when I was 6 months old)and my mother never remarried. Growing up without a dad was very, very difficult for me and caused many psychological problems for me as as adult that required extensive counseling as an adult. It was not fun and I still feel like I really missed out on something growing up....My Dad.

[AnJalyn]

01:43 AM on 11/04/2011

I am sorry to hear about your not having a father. I agree that one parent is just not enough. Although single mothers/fathers certainly have the capability of raising good children, the children would be happier and better off with two parents (mother and father).

[harriettubman]

10:47 AM on 11/04/2011

I grew up without a father too and yes, it did cause some issues for me. However, that's NOT what Oprah said. The woman said she felt like a failure because she chose a father who failed his children. One good parent is better than not having 2 bad parents or any parents at all. If you can't understand that by now I think you had emotional issues much deeper than an absent father.

[csmomo]

02:42 PM on 10/31/2011

What in the world would we all do without Oprah and her advice?

[Planet Pluto]

11:15 AM on 10/31/2011

Guys, while I admit I'm not well versed in the Oprah-World, I didn't take her comments to be a slight against single fathers.

As far as a single mother "being enough," well, what else could she have said. In the real world, there are times when a single mother is forced to be "enough." It's sad, because even a single mother who is a relative Super Mom, really, in my opinion, isn't "enough." But when a father disappears for whatever reason, she has to be "enough."

Our son is a few weeks old, and I have an all new respect for single-mothers (and an all new animosity towards dead-beat dads). I don't know how single mothers manage. I truly don't. My wife gets tired and when I come home from work I can say, "Honey, I'll take him for a while. You go eat or take a nap or go to the salon or etc, etc." How women make it without a partner is beyond me.

I also feel bad for children who don't have that father figure they need. The daddy-time that is so important. To ability to look towards loving parents as a relative model of what relationships should be like.

[Trevon Carlson]

08:09 PM on 10/30/2011

Would she say the same about single fathers?

[Jakesmom]

12:49 PM on 10/30/2011

I'm a single parent, and no, I'm not enough. I don't have any family here, any actual support. I'm the only one who pays for things, takes care of things, does the driving, cooking, etc., and for years, got all the blame, and still do. My son doesn't recognize all I do, and he probably never will. He gets treated well by family members who now recognize him when he's almost an adult and the hard work of raising him is almost over. Me, on the other hand, am exhausted, broke, and wondering what the future holds for me. No child support, a frustrating job,health issues and no social life has sapped everything out of me and I have nothing else to give. For those of you who are trying to do this on your own, just understand that asking for help is not a bad thing, and putting yourself first sometimes will be better for everyone.

[csmomo]

02:48 PM on 10/31/2011

I agree. With the help of a good husband and father, I raised three children and there was no day when I would have been "enough." I could never have fed, clothed and sheltered them without help and support from their father. I would have done my best for them if it had been necessary but I would never have thought I was "enough."

WHAT THE HELL DOES OPRAH KNOW ABOUT RAISING KIDS ANYWAY?

[Sock Monkey]

11:12 AM on 10/30/2011

Gee Oprah...when's the support for single fathers coming ? Oh that's right....we can't talk about that dirty little issue, can we ?

Or is it to controversial to support a minority group that goes against your target demographic ??

http://www.wadsworth.com/philosophy_d/templates/student_resources/0534584829_hurley/critical_thinking/dads.html

But on behalf of all single fathers Oprah, it's ok. We do our jobs, raise our children and are damn proud to do so without affirmation from the MSM.

[mdipary2004]

05:16 PM on 10/31/2011

No one is suppose to know about single fathers. They dont exist in the mind of the feminist.Feminist want all the federal funding, they wont share it with a program for single dads nor do they want an advocate for a dad who does not recieve child support from a DEADBEAT MOM
Keep your head up and your kids will love you all the more.

[Nkeu]

03:21 AM on 11/02/2011

You guys need serious help.....Did you really watch the video. Nobody insulted fathers, so what does Feminist have to do with this issue?

[BittyWitch]

01:28 AM on 10/30/2011

Most days, a decent single parent might be "just enough". Sometimes though, it won't even be close. My mother was a single parent. She did the best job she could, but she was not well suited to the task. She wanted to parent a small version of herself, but I reminded her of the man who had rejected her. She bounced between being horribly overprotective/ infantilizing me and using me as a confidante for subjects way beyond me (especially her marital woes with my father). She always made certain was aware of just how much she sacrificed for me. I paid her back by being a well-behaved high-achiever Her friends envied our "closeness". Meanwhile, I seethed inside. I hated her, because I never felt I was good enough for her. She never let up because she was always convinced I would screw up. She suffocated me but remained emotionally distant. I self-mutilated and wished I could die.

Maybe my mother could have been a good mother with a partner or a better support network- who knows. I know that my childhood was made more difficult by the fact that there was no one to balance out her behavior, or hell, just someone else to take up some of her attention. Most people have seen my success and attributed it to my mother on some level. No one understands that I became a strong, independent woman to survive her- not as a result of her mentoring.

[kjhummingbird3x5]

09:51 PM on 10/29/2011

Damn O is soooo right....

[levoila7234]

09:10 PM on 10/29/2011

Now Oprah's an authority on family? As a mother of 2 and a grandmother of 3, I can honestly say children need 2 parents.....a mother AND a father. How could she possibly know this.

[kjhummingbird3x5]

09:52 PM on 10/29/2011

if your dad is michael lohan you can surely go with out.... Don't speak such nonsense

[Sock Monkey]

11:02 AM on 10/30/2011

That guy is a disgrace to fathers everywhere.

[csmomo]

02:50 PM on 10/31/2011

That woman is so in love with herself that she actually fancies that she is an authority on everything. Raising children is something she has not done either with or without a father.
And of course she cannot POSSIBLY KNOW THIS because she has NEVER DONE IT.

[Nkeu]

03:25 AM on 11/02/2011

So csmomo... there are people like me who listen to Oprah.... You can choose to listen to whoever you want....but condemning her without even watching the video is ridiculous.

[Farmers Market]

08:06 PM on 10/29/2011

Well said Iyanla and Oprah! If someone is a single parent, they need to deal with that fact in the most constructive way for themselves and their kids. Re-framing the way how they see divorce and separation is one big step forward for them and for their kids.

Thanks HuffPo. Good one.