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HUFFPOST HILL - Where Republicans Move Their Money

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If a Mississippi "personhood" amendment passes and that state begins appropriating tax dollars to the unborn, don't be surprised if Matthew "question mark jacket" Lesko starts telling blastocysts about government largess. We feel bad for the desperate comedy writer whom Gloria "his idea of a stimulus package" Allred cruelly has on retainer. And there's a happy-go-lucky tear-gassed dog in Greece that all those dour OWS police brutality victims could learn a thing or two from. This is HUFFPOST HILL for Monday, November 7th, 2011:

WHERE REPUBLICANS GO TO BANK - And, sadly, it doesn't contain a mile-deep, steel-reinforced safe, access to which is granted only after Mitt Romney passes a retinal scan, a hand print verifier, a voice identification test and then traverses a narrow pedestrian bridge that -- thanks to an electromagnetic system much too complicated to explain here -- extends itself across as Romney walks it. Sadly. Roll Call's Ambreen Ali: "With just one branch and a small staff, Chain Bridge Bank has the unassuming feel of a local business. But the $230 million Beltway depository is fast becoming the preferred bank of the Republican Party. Mitt Romney's and Rick Perry's presidential campaigns have accounts there, as do dozens of PACs run by such Republican heavy hitters as Sen. John McCain, Speaker John Boehner and Sarah Palin. Though the bank is nonpartisan, many of its founders and leaders move in Republican fundraising circles and draw political clients from them. It's a business model that has worked: Chain Bridge's earnings were up 48 percent last year from the year prior, according to Marketwire."

SUPER COMMITTEE WON'T EXTEND DEADLINE - Sam Stein: "Congressional Democrats on the super committee tasked with finding $1.2 trillion in deficit reduction have ruled out supporting a measure that would have extended their deadline for making recommendations. Multiple Democratic aides tell The Huffington Post that committee members held a private discussion last week during which they decided against the idea of pushing the November 23rd requirement to report to a later date. The committee does have the power to grant itself more time. If seven of its 12 members were to pass a resolution extending its deadline, it would be sent to Congress and would be immune to amendments and filibusters -- the same privileges that the committee's final set of recommendations will receive. But Democrats decided against taking advantage of that option, figuring that it would send a poor message about lawmakers' capacity to act on weighty matters and increase the opportunity for Republicans to push and sell a deficit reduction plan that included no revenue increases." [HuffPost]

HUFFPOST HILL HAD A GREAT WEEKEND - In Daytona Beach! For the Florida Tea Party Convention, actually. People were very friendly. It was ... informative! We'll leave it at that. Did you have a good weekend? That's nice. Anywhoooo, we now share this photo of US Airways' oddly politicized in-flight magazine with you. Enjoy.

DAILY DELANEY DOWNER - At the end of September we brought you Bruce Rotstein, a 65 year old Las Vegas sales manager who'd been out of work since 2008. Rotstein told us in October he found a job cleaning toilets for the Navy for $200 a month. But then yesterday, bad news: Rotstein said he lost the job. Now he's doing some painting for a property manager. "I have been invited to another job fair and I will go but I do not hold much stock in these but I will try again," he said. "Maybe you should do an article on job fairs and we can show how much they are not really helping."

Don't be bashful: Send tips/stories/photos/events/fundraisers/job movement/juicy miscellanea to huffposthill@huffingtonpost.com. Follow us on Twitter - @HuffPostHill

GLORIA ALLRED SOMETHING SOMETHING HOWARD STERN SOMETHING SOMETHING HERMAN CAIN SOMETHING SOMETHING A CRUSHING SENSATION OF EXISTENTIAL DREAD SOMETHING SOMETHING... AMERICA - Jesus Christ. Things got weird today at a press conference convened by celebrity attorney Gloria Allred and a woman alleging that Herman Cain sexually harassed assaulted her more than ten years ago. Yes, we know it's probably going to be weird and soul-upsetting whenever all those names are in a single sentence. Anyway, first a producer for Howard Stern took the podium and began to ramble for a while, finishing thusly: "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, GLORIA ALLRED ... and the accuser." That wasn't scheduled. A few minutes later, Allred and "the accuser" actually took the stage. And then ...just, um ...oof: "[Sharon] Bialek said the alleged incident in question occurred down the street from the NRA headquarters. Describing what happened, she said, 'Instead of going into the offices, he suddenly reached over and put his hand on my leg, up my skirt, and towards my genitals.' She recalled that when she protested the advances, Cain said, 'You want a job, right?'...After losing her job, Bialek allegedly turned to Cain for help. Allred said on Monday, 'Mr. Cain instead decided to try to provide her with his idea of a stimulus package.'" So ... cold. [HuffPost]

Team Cain responds: "Just as the country finally begins to refocus on our crippling $15 trillion national debt and the unacceptably high unemployment rate, now activist celebrity lawyer Gloria Allred is bringing forth more false accusations against the character of Republican front-runner Herman Cain. All allegations of harassment against Mr. Cain are completely false. Mr. Cain has never harassed anyone. Fortunately the American people will not allow Mr. Cain's bold '9-9-9 Plan', clear foreign policy vision and plans for energy independence to be overshadowed by these bogus attacks."

#TheNewYorkerMagazine: @RyanLizza: Uh-oh, is Cain trying to flee the country? RT @washingtonpost: Naked man spotted in main terminal at #Dulles: wapo.st/uSR2eU

And in other news, Republicans don't care: "A majority of Republican voters -- and nearly six in 10 GOP Tea Party supporters -- say they aren't concerned about the sexual-harassment allegations directed at Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain, according to a new NBC News/Wall Street Journal poll. But his standing among all respondents has declined since these allegations first surfaced last week. In the poll, 54 percent of Republican voters say they aren't concerned about voting for Cain after these allegations, while another 15 percent say they are 'just a little' concerned. By comparison, only a combined 13 percent of Republicans say they are a 'great deal' or 'quite a bit' concerned about voting for Cain." [NBC News]

DO YOU THINK EVERYTHING ABOUT THAT PRESS CONFERENCE SPOKE TO SOMETHING WEIRD IN THE ZEITGEIST? WELL CHECK THIS OUT! - Presented without comment: Sausage The Crazy Rioting Dog. Actually, with comment: What the hell?

AND THIS! - @HuffPostPol: David Koch reportedly walked unnoticed through an #OccupyDC protest targeting him. huff.to/u4jryu

HELL, WHY NOT, AND THIS - CHICAGO (AP) - Impeached Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich to be sentenced Dec. 6 on corruption convictions

POLL HAS GINGRICH IN SECOND IN IOWA - The Hawkeye State survey, from We Ask America polling, has Cain in first with 22 percent, Gingrich in second with 18 percent and Mitt Romney in third at 15 percent. We asked our polling czar Mark Blumenthal what the deal is: "Another day, another Iowa survey, another storyline. This one, from the Illinois firm We Ask America uses an automated, recorded voice methodology to interview 864 Iowans who 'told us they planned to participate in the GOP caucus.' They found Newt Gingrich (with 18 percent) running just four percentage points behind Herman Cain (22 percent), trailed by Mitt Romney (15 percent) followed by Michele Bachmann and Ron Paul (11 percent each). But how did We Ask America select it's likely voters? Do their respondents really represent the 4-5 percent of Iowans that will likely caucus in January? What are the demographics of those likely voters? Who knows?" Thanks, Mark! [We Ask America]

MISSISSIPPI PERSONHOOD AMENDMENT WILL ENFRANCHISE YOUR STRETCH ARMSTRONG DOLL - No it won't. But it might give a just-fertilized embryo as much legal status as you (and that just-fertilized embryo isn't even contributing to society! It's just taking. What a welfare queen that just-fertilized embryo is!). Laura Bassett: "The law would unequivocally ban abortion, with no exceptions for rape, incest, or life of the mother, but advocates on both sides argue about the legal implications beyond abortion. The initiative could be interpreted to ban emergency contraception as well as the regular birth control pill, which can both affect a fertilized egg's ability to attach to the uterus. It could also complicate the legality of in vitro fertilization, which can result in a number of unused embryos, and stem cell research. The 'personhood' amendment raises other, murkier questions: If every fetus is considered a person, does this affect voter districting? Would a woman who is three weeks pregnant be able to claim her fetus as a dependent on federal tax forms, or in claims for government assistance? If a woman who doesn't know she's pregnant engages in some negligent activity that leads to a miscarriage, could someone prosecute her on behalf of the embryo?" [HuffPost]

A cursory glance at Wikipedia's "pregnancy" entry reveals that spermatozoon" is a thing. You now have your kickball team's name, George Washington University Hospital fertility clinic. You're welcome.

WE CAN NOW ITALICIZE THE HUFFINGTON POST - Eat it, Kenyon Review! Dave Jamieson's illuminating and gripping tale of a Kentucky coal miner who took on his own industry has been viciously republished aggregated by the Harlan Daily Enterprise, which as any self-respecting mediaphile knows is the industry-destroying monolith of the Harlan County, Kentucky media scene. Congrats to all the blood-suckers involved, we guess. [Front page image of the Daily Enterprise and Dave's original article]

BECAUSE YOU'VE READ THIS FAR - Pug puppies take on baby. Baby don't care. Babies are the honey badgers of people. [http://huff.to/tpiTlr]

JEREMY'S WEATHER REPORT - Tonight: Pretty warm, all speaking. A bit warmer than last night. Tomorrow: It may look disgusting in the morning -- patchy fog -- but it's likely to lift in the afternoon, leaving the possibility of some clouds. And once the fog lifts, it looks like yet another beautiful day. Thanks, JB!

COMFORT FOOD

- Thank you, creators of the LEGO-built Back to the Future poster. You have served your fellow citizens well. [http://huff.to/tsfxUv]

- Wild bear walks onto patio, says WAZZUP to the grill and then completely wrecks it. [http://huff.to/vMCize]

- This adrenaline-pumping Quentin Tarantino tribute will almost make you forget about Quentin Tarantino. Almost. [http://huff.to/ufRxgC]

- Everyone's favorite boozy and brilliant atheist Christopher Hitchens was asked this year about his terminal cancer and whether he will undertake a deathbed conversion. What did he say? Take a wild guess. [http://huff.to/rDjssQ]

- Dippin' Dots has filed for bankruptcy. The thing that came closest to the flying car vision of the future is now dead. Mourn, America. Mourn. [http://huff.to/tvoAW8]

- This multitool cigarette case from the Great Depression will put your pocket knife to shame. It will also ask it for work. [http://huff.to/u1DtmV]

- Cat hallucination is what happens when we don't lock the internet's medicine cabinet. [http://huff.to/uK9vhW]

TWITTERAMA

@daveweigel: When you end an article or blog post with "Stay tuned," an angel gets hit by an 18-wheeler.

@pourmecoffee: Sad thing is this will discourage other pizza restaurateurs who have never held office from running for President of US.

@LOLGOP: The White House has just released a image of the President watching the Herman Cain/Gloria Alred press conference http://bit.ly/l6AZTw

@dbernstein: One thing about Romney: In all these years of reporting on him I've never had to use the phrase "reached for her genitals."

ON TAP

With thanks to @christinawilkie!

TOMORROW

6:00 pm: Hollywood for ugly people gets a taste of actual Hollywood when Clint Eastwood and a whole host of the local uglies attend a screening of Eastwoods new biopic of J. Edgar Hoover. [Newseum, 555 Pennsylvania Avenue NW]

Evening: We thought the Hudson Institute's Herman Kahn Awards were the Herman Cain awards and we were all woah, man, slow down. But it's not. Jon Kyl and Jon McCain will be there. [Willard Hotel, 1401 Pennsylvania Avenue NW]

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Filed by Eliot Nelson