On Friday's episode of IFC's Onion News Network, Ted Allen, culinary expert, Chopped judge and author of the (fake) cookbook Pretentious Foodie Bullsh*t, shows hosts Jim and Tracy how to cook "fussy little foodie dishes for you and all your assh*le friends."
Jim asks, "What sort of stupid, overelaborate, fancyass meal are you going to make for us today?" Ted replies that he wants to focus on one of the most pretentious dishes in his cookbook. "It's a stupidass trendy piece of fish coated in some kind of nut you've never heard of served alongside a puree of baby something-or-other," Ted says, "It's very important to choose the most expensive fish you can find for some vague environmental reason that you can then parrot back to your faux intellectual gaywad dinner party guests."
Tracy clarifies, "I assume these ingredients are organic and locally sourced and all that bullsh*t?" "Of course," Ted responds, "Your dickhead friends think that's really important."
"So all this is an enormous waste of time," Jim asks. "Yes, it is, it really is," Ted confesses, "To hell with this sh*t."