Ted Allen Prepares 'Pretentious Foodie Bullsh*t' Meal (VIDEO)

On Friday's episode of IFC's Onion News Network, Ted Allen, culinary expert, Chopped judge and author of the (fake) cookbook Pretentious Foodie Bullsh*t, shows hosts Jim and Tracy how to cook "fussy little foodie dishes for you and all your assh*le friends."

Jim asks, "What sort of stupid, overelaborate, fancyass meal are you going to make for us today?" Ted replies that he wants to focus on one of the most pretentious dishes in his cookbook. "It's a stupidass trendy piece of fish coated in some kind of nut you've never heard of served alongside a puree of baby something-or-other," Ted says, "It's very important to choose the most expensive fish you can find for some vague environmental reason that you can then parrot back to your faux intellectual gaywad dinner party guests."

Tracy clarifies, "I assume these ingredients are organic and locally sourced and all that bullsh*t?" "Of course," Ted responds, "Your dickhead friends think that's really important."

"So all this is an enormous waste of time," Jim asks. "Yes, it is, it really is," Ted confesses, "To hell with this sh*t."

WATCH:

Comments

[ponyloco]

09:51 PM on 12/12/2011

love it.

[HappyBrit]

06:41 AM on 11/10/2011

Stupidity made cool.

[Sinned39]

01:42 PM on 11/09/2011

I'll tell you what's pretentious - Ted Allen's goofy black glasses.

[Sinned39]

01:37 PM on 11/09/2011

I'm sensing a little bit of foodie hostility...?

[Bandit29]

07:11 PM on 11/08/2011

Julia Child was not a fan of the foodies who made pretentious meals with rare, hard to find ingredients. Her cookbooks offered delicious preparations of many simple foods. I never had one of her recipes not turn out exactly as shown.

[Woodsie]

08:18 AM on 11/08/2011

ROTHFLMAO : ))))) l see a naked emporer.

[MaryinNM]

11:34 PM on 11/07/2011

HIGH-LAIR-REE-US!

[journ student]

08:27 PM on 11/07/2011

Um, I thought it was real and was totally planning to buy it. Make it happen, Ted!

[Karl Wilder]

04:24 PM on 11/07/2011

It is time that someone poked a bit at pretentious foodies. I was at a dinner recently where they touted the source of all the ingredients and I was unimpressed with the preparation. Good food does not require a pedigree.

[taddles]

06:08 PM on 11/07/2011

"Good food does not require a pedigree."

Excellent

[onionboy]

06:54 PM on 11/07/2011

And if you have to "sell" the food with all those details, then it's likely not all that great. Good food can also stand on its own...through taste.

[Janette Williams]

07:51 PM on 11/07/2011

Oh, but isn't it FAR more important to feel good about what you're eating than to actually enjoy it?

[psmarc93]

03:52 PM on 11/07/2011

South Park had that entire episode where Randy went obsessive about cooking. This spot on Onion does the same thing in less than 5 min. Cool.
I adore the taste of fine cooking, and I'm a pretty good chef, but I have to admit -- a great dish usually takes a LOT OF TIME.

[Janette Williams]

07:52 PM on 11/07/2011

Absolutely not. I just had a great dish that took me about 10 minutes to prepare from start to finish. I make a lot of great food that hardly takes any time.

[forestnfama]

03:16 AM on 11/08/2011

Marinated fish takes three minutes.....on George Foreman grill.....cook it more and you ruin the fish.............aw delicia..... some wine.....fresh salad......with some phoofy organic nuts sprinkled on top......

[psmarc93]

11:45 PM on 11/08/2011

Well, I did qualify with "usually," but that's probably my personal taste -- I love braises and marinades -- layers of flavor. But I love to eat! Share! What did you make recently that's great and quick? (Fav'd)

[knowlton]

03:28 PM on 11/07/2011

I think its "parrot back..." not "pair it back"

[Food Review 101]

02:28 PM on 11/07/2011

http://www.foodreview101.com/ Think I like Ted Allen less now because of the title and cover of that book.

[flippity]

03:20 PM on 11/07/2011

The book isn't real.

[ArChiMi]

06:33 PM on 11/07/2011

The book is real. Its just not a real cookbook!

[TaurusRose]

03:24 PM on 11/07/2011

Thinkin' i don't like him at all after the cover and the 'story' here that isn't a story

[taddles]

05:49 PM on 11/12/2011

It's from the Onion, it's satire...I'm thinkin that thinkin is not your strong suit.

[raker]

02:10 PM on 11/07/2011

I loved David Sedaris's mocking of trendy foodie excesses in his book Me Talk Pretty One Day.

"(Soho) is where the world's brightest young talents come to braise caramelized racks of corn-fed songbirds or offer up their famous knuckle of flash-seared crappie served with a collar of chided ginger and cornered by a tribe of kiln-roasted Chilean toadstools, teased with a warm spray of clarified musk oil. Even when they promise something simple, they've got to tart it up - the meatloaf has been poached in seawater, or there are figs in the tuna salad."

[Lunch Lady]

12:35 PM on 11/08/2011

Warning, do not listen to David Sedaris' audio books while driving, I was laughing so hard I almost lost control of the car!
But if reading or listening to Sedaris do it somewhere where total strangers don't see your manical laughter and move slowly away....

[clearthinker16]

01:50 PM on 11/07/2011

that was good

[WhatTheHolyHeck]

01:42 PM on 11/07/2011

That was awesome and delightfully self-mocking.