Doris Birch is having trouble getting a good night's sleep, but she doesn't need Ambien, she needs a ghost buster.
For the last four months, Birch, a 73-year-old grandmother living in the British town of Herne Bay, is reportedly being kept up nights by a ghost who keeps groping her when she is trying to rest.
"It's like an octopus," she told ThisIsKent.co.uk.. "It started four months ago. I was lying in bed when I felt this creepy pair of hands. I kicked frantically and it went away. Next time it came I hurled the duvet on to the floor!"
But the ghost keeps coming back and Birch has resorted to drastic measures to deal with the inappropiately amorous entity.
"I've tried sleeping without the duvet, but it started shaking my mattress," she reportedly said. "I even threw the mattress off the bed and bought a new one but it has made no difference. I told my 16-year-old granddaughter and she was gobsmacked. She said I must be joking."
Besides the terror of being mysteriously molested, the former nursing assistant fears that coming forward with her story might make people think she is unable to tend to herself.
Paranormal researcher and Huffington Post blogger Alexandra Holzer says it's hard to tell what is inspiring the spooky sexual assault without a full a proper investigation with a trained trans-medium and researcher as well as an examination of the history of Birch's home.
"However, based on her story and experience she seems like she has a rude, sexually inclined 'visitor' who in life may have acted this way with the woman," she told HuffPost Weird News. "Having said that, it isn't so much a 'poltergeist' entity as much as a 'devilish' sort of 'character' having their 'way' with granny. They don't care what age she would be as a female is a female to a pervert in life and in death."
Holzer says it is possble that the ghostly groper knew Birch in life, but, sadly, just as a zebra can't change its stripe, "people remain similar to what they were on earth as they do if becoming a ghost."
Paranormal journalist and Huffington Post blogger Alejandro Rojas says stories of people, especially women, being touched are fairly common as are tales of blankets being ripped off a bed. He suggests that a look at the home's recent history might explain why the grabby ghost suddenly appeared four months ago.
"Sometimes when there's construction or a major change, that's when the ghost appears," he told HuffPost Weird News. "That's one theory."
Birch's local paper, the Herne Bay Times, has offered to pay for husband-and-wife ghost-hunters Ray and Beryl Herne to send the poltergeists packing.
Meanwhile, the Daily Mail reports that the Canterbury City Council's Head of Housing will meet with her to discuss her concerns "even though we have received no similar reports from [other] residents."
Rojas thinks doing a ritual could be good even though there is no proven scientific method for ridding a house of spirits.
"It might ease the woman's mind and make her feel that something is being done," he told the paper.