San Francisco isn't easy on the single gal.
Standing by to prey upon the fears of SF plus ones this holiday season: Craigslist's Holiday Boyfriend.
"I'm acknowledging the busy nature of the professional San Francisco woman and proposing a mutually beneficial solution," said the Holiday Boyfriend to The Huffington Post in an interview.
In the post, the he explained his solution. "Let me be clear. I want a girlfriend. But, I don't really want a girlfriend. I just want one for the holidays." Cough.
Holiday Boyfriend is a surfing/cycling/snowboarding 28-year-old (of course he is) who founded a "small, scrappy ad agency" called Anatomy. In the post, he also claimed to be "easy on the eyes." (A quick google search confirmed the claim.) SF Weekly called him an "insufferable bro" and we have to confess that he is certainly lacking in the chivalry department. (One of the "dealbreakers" is prudishness.)
But sadly, many San Franciscans familiar with our local dating scene may find that he makes a decent argument:
The holidays suck, especially for us single people. All of your coupled friends are going to be doing couple things: snuggling by the fire, going to dinner at each others' parents houses, blahblahbarf. [...] Deep down inside, you don't want to be alone for the holidays. [...] But, you've spent all year working on your career/training for charity bike rides/getting drunk and haven't had the time or inclination to track down and capture a boyfriend.
When asked if he thought the post could be viewed as chauvinistic, he told HuffPost, "I just don't see it. I'm being 100 percent honest about my qualifications and intentions. To those who think there are women who would or should not be interested in such a proposal: you are putting female sexuality in a box."
Will the post work? Probably. Best Roommate Ever told HuffPost that he was flooded with job offers, propositions for sex and free drinks. (Though he did end up losing the job that brought him to San Francisco once his identity was revealed.) And according to Holiday Boyfriend, he's already received about 120 emails.
Is it tasteless? Definitely. But we'll cover it anyway. Because we want the movie rights. (It worked in "The Wedding Date.")
Should the post receive viral publicity, then we have no doubt that next Christmas, Holiday Boyfriend will be played by Seth Rogan (or maybe Ashton Kutcher if he's lucky), while Holiday Girlfriend's role will be nabbed by Elizabeth Banks for a completely forced yawnfest of a raunchy romcom. Will Holiday Boyfriend inadvertently find true love in the movie version? Of course. Is he more likely to find just cause for a restraining order in the real life version? We think so.
Read the full post below. Then, let us know what you think of Holiday Boyfriend's proposition in the comments section:
WANTED: Holiday Girlfriend - 28 (mission district)
Let me be clear. I want a girlfriend. But, I don't really want a girlfriend.
I just want one for the holidays.
Let's recognize something. The holidays suck, especially for us single people. All of your coupled friends are going to be doing couple things: snuggling by the fire, going to dinner at each others' parents houses, blahblahbarf.
Let's recognize another thing. Deep down inside, you don't want to be alone for the holidays. You want someone to do all of those cute snuggly things with, someone to get fat and keep warm next to (let's also recognize that it's getting fucking cold here), and someone to accompany you to your friends' coupley holiday parties so they don't keep thinking you're a loser destined for permanent solo status.
But, you've spent all year working on your career / training for charity bike rides / getting drunk and haven't had the time or inclination to track down and capture a boyfriend. And even if you did, you're not really sure you'd want to keep him after the holidays are over, anyway.
Be my girlfriend for the holidays. And only for the holidays.
How it works:
You reply with a picture and a brief bio (250 words max. To give you an idea, this posting is 499). If it seems like a good fit we'll set up a casual mini-date (coffee, beer, or whatever). If that's a success and we're both feeling it, we'll date until 11:59PM, January 2nd, 2012. After that we can still be friends (unless we hate each other, then we can downshift to the occasional drunken booty call).
- You have someone to keep you company on these witch-tit-cold San Francisco nights. Did I mention I'm an excellent cuddler? (I have references.)
- I like to cook. Especially for others. Nothing too fancy, but always tasty and satisfying. As long as you're an omnivore, you win.
- Having done it professionally for some years to pay for school, I know my way around a bar. Same goes for wine cellars and beer coolers. Homemade winter warmers? Done.
- Hate holiday music? Me too. Seeing as every other establishment or event you step into will be playing it, I'll spare you the excess.
- Love taking photos? Sweet. Let's wear gaudy holiday attire and make ridiculous Xmas postcards to send your friends and family. Just for the lulz.
- Worried about finding someone to kiss on New Year's Eve who doesn't look (or sound) like Sloth's cousin? Boom! Got you covered.
28 years old, small business owner, active (cyclist, surfer, snowboarder), outgoing, easy on the eyes.
Not About You (aka Dealbreakers or, Don't Bother if You Exhibit the Following):
Heavy drug use, laziness, prudishness, still in love with old boy or girlfriend from years past (or if you secretly are, at least have the damn decency to not blab on about it).
Interested? Then send your pic and bio and get this ball rolling.
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