'Onion News Network': High Unemployment, Face Tattoos Linked (VIDEO)

You may think the nation's high unemployment is due to the recession, but that's not the whole story. Have you noticed that up to 35% of Americans now have tattoos on their face? Neither did we, but that's why "Onion News Network" is here to inform of us of these important things.

"Just because I clearly lack good judgement doesn't mean I won't make a good employee," argued one poor man with tribal designs covering nearly his entire face.

As you'll see in the hard-hitting segment above, the facial tattoo trend is forcing millions of Americans to forgo getting jobs -- and Joe Biden's not exactly helping things.

Catch "ONN" on IFC Fridays at 10:00 p.m. EST/9:00 CST.

Comments

[dbrett480]

03:35 PM on 12/10/2011

Funny story, but there is a ring of truth to it.

[snoopjohnny]

04:35 PM on 12/01/2011

35% of Americans have facial tattoos? That's over 3 out of 10.....I guess we're just too conservative here in CA. Unless your home address is Folsom, Soledad or Pelican Bay. Even piercings in the face and head are a fraction of that.

[1success]

08:45 PM on 12/01/2011

The experiment has worked. People are actually mistaking Onion News Network with real News. Does no one remember the original Onion as a source of news satire? Is the confusion a phenomenon link to those who already are confused by watching too much Faux news? Find out at 10pm....

[eric14]

09:18 PM on 12/01/2011

It is a trend. Truth, fiction, fact, real, unreal. All blurred.

[snoopjohnny]

11:58 PM on 12/01/2011

I thought goofball comments like "too conservative in CA" and the prison references would indicate that I was playing along. Even if you fell for the ridiculous percentage as "news", it's still kind of hard to take a quote like this seriously:

"Just because I clearly lack good judgement doesn't mean I won't make a good employee,"

[MexiChick67]

01:12 PM on 12/01/2011

Yeah, this was done as a comic piece, but the reality is that people with extreme facial tattoos will have a harder time finding a job. Don't care what experience and education they have.

[thecastermaster]

12:43 PM on 12/01/2011

And thirdly, lets also forget that this is THE ONION

[thecastermaster]

12:40 PM on 12/01/2011

Oh and in MANY other cultures it is normal and even a rite of passage to have a face tattoo.

[MexiChick67]

01:09 PM on 12/01/2011

I can only think of the Maori and some Native American tribes, but no other culture.

[thecastermaster]

02:49 PM on 12/01/2011

Well there's the Kaiapos from Brazil, the Peul from Mali, the Ayatal from Taiwan, the Kondhs from india, the Chindok from Myanmar, the Ukit from Borneo, the Mentawei from Sumatra, not to mention hundreds of other tribes that you don't learn about by simply watching Discovery Channel. Do some research, there are literally hundreds of tribes that practice facial tattooing.

[thecastermaster]

02:51 PM on 12/01/2011

Here's a good link http://www.environmentalgraffiti.com/featured/tribal-facial-tattoos-around-world/13690

[dbrett480]

03:35 PM on 12/10/2011

Then they can work as witch doctors in their culture.

[thecastermaster]

12:39 PM on 12/01/2011

I hope we all remember not to judge people based on appearances alone.

[dbrett480]

03:36 PM on 12/10/2011

If you have two people with equal qualifications and one has a face tattoo and the other doesn't, wouldn't you go with the non-freak?

[valeskas]

11:14 AM on 12/01/2011

The only job for him is at a tattoo parlor. Who else in their right mind would hire a someone like him.

[Gilbert Albright]

09:38 AM on 12/01/2011

Hey, stupidity and laziness have been linked to high unemployment too!

[RevMetheus]

09:56 AM on 12/02/2011

Love to believe you, but I've seen our Congress. Stupid and lazy seems not to slow that many down in finding employment.

Now smart and principled thats another story...

[Gilbert Albright]

09:32 AM on 12/01/2011

DUH! Tell us something we don't already know!

[majesticjkr]

05:38 PM on 11/30/2011

If anything good is to come out of this it's that there will be jobs going for the people that dont have tattoo's on their face, people might start moving soon to bag a jod, were do these jobless people get the money to buy tattoo's, whats the crime rate over there like,

[Luke Armstrong]

01:44 PM on 11/30/2011

Let a person be judged for his deeds. There are many people who are smarter and more honorable with tattoos than the clean cut faces taking our money on wall street. BUT Any tattoo is a superfluous expense when you are really trying to get by. So how hard is it for someone to infer that an individual makes poor decisions when they are in dire need of money and employment choosing to spend money on tattoos? Dr. Seuss and his sneeches give a good lesson to be learned. (my opinion is regionally biased to the dumb kids in OC the drop their student aid checks on tatts)

[RevMetheus]

09:58 AM on 12/02/2011

yep, guy has at least a grand in tattoos on his head.

[mc53]

10:55 AM on 11/30/2011

Nothing says "I'm stupid" like a neck or face tattoo with a wide brimmed cap on sideways.

[lawyersgunsandmoney]

10:47 AM on 11/30/2011

getting a face tattoo
is like saying:

i want to ride on greyhound, forever!

:(

[Janeu]

07:00 AM on 11/30/2011

This clip is a spoof, but the truth is, I have a hard time looking those with tats and pierces all over their face. I wonder what kind of self-loathing must a person have to desicrate themselves in such a painful manner.

[319]

10:38 PM on 11/29/2011

I get what the Onion was trying to do with this piece, but it was not funny at all.

[samuraifrog37]

12:14 AM on 11/30/2011

Then you didn't get it.....these guys ARE funny.

[cyoohoos]

05:42 AM on 11/30/2011

not one bit