Most Christmas songs exist as part of our collective unconsciousness, so we don't exactly put a magnifying glass to the lyrics to examine them for logical integrity. (Although, is logical integrity truly not what the Christmas season is all about?) But last night on "Conan," Patton Oswalt tore apart "The Little Drummer Boy," and came to the conclusion that the song makes no damn sense. At all.
"I have a two and a half year old daughter, and I never go, 'She will not settle down and go to sleep. Does anyone have a percussion instrument? Or half a can of coffee beans I can shake in her face?'" Patton joked, referring to the Drummer Boy in the song playing his drum to lull the baby Jesus to sleep. "Where were you when my baby had the croup, Neil Peart?!"
This isn't the first time Patton mercilessly took apart a Christmas standard. Of course, his classic bit demolishing the saccharine Christian radio staple "Christmas Shoes" is one for the ages.
Patton and Conan then discussed "Young Adult," and how Patton's sex scene with Charlize Theron is somehow not the least believable part of the movie for some people. Watch the clip! (And also, we highly recommend "Young Adult," where both Patton and Theron are firing on all cylinders.)