Jon Stewart had to hold his Iowa Caucus jokes until Wednesday night's "Daily Show," but his analysis of each candidate's most ridiculous press conference highlights was well worth the wait.
First, no comedic coverage of Tuesday's race would be complete without mentioning CNN's high-tech, madcap reporting on the event. Stewart offered perhaps the best description of their latest holographic innovation, the "cybernetic, multi-colored featureless dildo people" they used instead of just filming the simple expression of civic democracy.
"This is why people are really not that fond of CNN at times," Stewart concluded.
Then, one by one, Stewart went through each of the six candidates who were top finishers in Tuesday's race, one that he admits is over-covered and overhyped as it is. So, he chose to focus on each politician's post-Caucus speeches, including Rick Perry's unwarranted enthusiasm about coming in fifth place and Michele Bachmann declaring her husband's affection for doggy sunglasses.
Ron Paul's speech confused Stewart the most, especially when a crowd of Iowans cheered his reference to a quote by Austrian anti-inflation economists that Stewart himself had to look up. Newt Gingrich's conference, on the other hand, was totally normal. That is, if you pretend it was really delivered by Baron Von Gingrich, Dark Lord of Chaos.
And then there were the winners: Mitt Romney and historically close-second Rick Santorum. Romney impressed Stewart with his reading of "America The Beautiful" -- not because it was politically effective -- but because it sounded like something he was forced to memorize in school:
"Even in victory, his self-described 'committed, conservative, ordinary guy' persona feels like it came from a 'committed, conservative, ordinary guy' kit he got from Hammacher Schlemmer for 14 million dollars."
Watch part one above and part two below to hear Stewart take on all the candidates, including his theory that Rick Santorum is "the actual guy Mitt Romney is pretending to be" and why this means Stewart has to throw away an entire volume of jokes.
WATCH: Part two