Presidential Candidate Vermin Supreme Promises 'Ponies For Everyone' (VIDEO)
Yes, he's running for president; yes, he's real; and yes, he wants to give you a pony.
Dental puns and glitter-bombs were flying at this year's Lesser-Known Democratic Candidates Presidential Forum, held in New Hampshire on Dec. 19, 2011.
Among those in attendance was veteran presidential candidate Vermin Supreme who, despite being on the ballot representing various parties in previous elections, was invited to the forum for the first time this year.
And he didn't hold back.
"America, my name is Vermin Supreme, I am a friendly fascist," he told the audience. "I am a tyrant that you should trust, and you should let me run your life because I do know what is best for you."
Wearing his signature boot-shaped hat and several ties around his neck, Supreme discussed the cornerstones of his platform, such as mandatory tooth-brushing, funding for time travel research and a "Flying Monkey Public Safety Assurance" program.
"Gingivitis has been eroding the gum line of this great nation long enough, and it must be stopped. For too long this country has been suffering a great moral and oral decay -- in spirit and incisors. A country's future depends on its ability to bite back. We can no longer be a nation indentured. Our very salivation is at stake.
Together we must brace ourselves as we cross over to the bridgework into the 23rd century. Let us bite the bullet and together make America a sea of shining smiles, from sea to shiny sea," he added.
In this video from 2008, Supreme is seen equipped with a rubber chicken as he stumps at the New Hampshire primaries, challenging then-Democratic Presidential nominee Barack Obama.
"I stand for three major things: mandatory tooth-brushing, number one, time travel research, number two, and zombie preparedness, number three," said Supreme at the time. "Obama doesn't address any of these issues. Is he soft on plaque? Is he soft on zombies? Does he support water-boarding for school children? Is he soft on kids? These are the things the American people want to know."
Then, in a show of honesty perhaps not too common on the campaign trail, Supreme made an admission that may have cost him more than a few votes.
"My campaign is not necessarily reality-based," he noted.
At the forum, Supreme also offered ideas for solving the energy crisis, the nation's dependence on foreign oil and job creation.
Ambassador Terry Shumaker brought up one of Supreme's past campaign promises, invoking Mitt Romney's flip-flopping on certain issues.
Shumaker: Romney has been accused of taking different positions on different issues. I'm asking you right now, do you still stand by your pledge made in 2008 to provide a pony for every American?
Vermin Supreme: Yes I do, sir. My free-pony platform is, of course, a jobs-creation platform .... lt will also lower our dependence on foreign oil. We will also be able to turn all that pony poop into methane gas and wonderful compost.
The important thing to realize is it's a federal pony identification program. You will need your pony with you at all times.
Asked for his 30-second closing statement, Supreme wrapped things up by singing an original song to the tune of "The Chicken Dance."
Then Supreme made his dramatic exit.
"One more thing: Jesus told me to make Randall Terry gay," he said, jumping up and tossing handfuls of what appeared to be glitter on the notorious anti-abortion activist.
"Woooo! He's turning gay! He's turning gay! Woooo!" he yelled.
For more info on Vermin Supreme and his candidacy, visit his website.