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Amy Chua, Tiger Mom, Has Changed 1 Year After 'Battle Hymn Of The Tiger Mother'

Tiger Mom

Posted: 01/10/12 01:57 PM ET

Has Tiger Mom gone soft? One year after the release of her controversial memoir, "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother," Amy Chua is back in the spotlight, reflecting on how overnight infamy affected her life, her family -- and her parenting.

"I've changed a lot," she told The Huffington Post. "In October, we had 30 kids at our house! [We've hosted] co-ed parties with lots of food and music."

Lest anyone forget, here's how it all started. Last January, the Wall Street Journal published an excerpt from Chua's book with the headline "Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior." In the excerpt, Chua described how her daughters were never allowed to have sleepovers, appear in school plays, earn any grade lower than an A or have play dates with friends. A firestorm of criticism -- and more than a few jokes -- ensued. Chua, an author and professor at Yale Law School, spent much of 2011 on the defensive. In fact, many of her interviews seemed to lend fuel to her critics' fire.

Now, with the book out in paperback, the note Chua keeps hitting is that "Battle Hymn" was always meant as a memoir, not a manual.

Many of the scenes she described in the book are a far cry from the child-raising tactics she advocates. She said, "I put passages in the book and used very harsh words that I regret. Everybody has those moments you wish you could take back."

For those who still read "Battle Hymn" as an advice manual, Chua argues that so-called tiger parenting should be employed predominantly during a child's early years, ideally between the ages of 5 and 12. These "super-strict parenting tactics" are not meant for all ages.

Remaining strict after middle school makes you a helicopter parent, according to Chua. And she is quick to point out how different that is from being a tiger mom.

"By the time [kids] get to high school, helicopter parents are hiring all these tutors, carrying their kids' sports bags. I never checked [older daughter Sophia's] papers because I knew she knew how to sit down and focus," Chua said. "I know she is going to make mistakes in college ... but I'm so much more comfortable knowing that she's gonna make those mistakes at 19, not 13," Chua added.

As for younger daughter Lulu, 15, the rebel for whom the book was ostensibly written, Chua has really backed off.

Instead of forcing Lulu to practice violin for hours a day -- the source of their biggest fights -- Chua "let her give that up," she said. (Although she still argues for 15 minutes of practice time every few days.) "My compromise is that I'm going to still be as strict academically, but in exchange she has a lot of social freedom. Lulu has had four sleepovers in the last two months!" Chua said."

Chua predicts she'll only get more easygoing with age. When asked what type of grandparent she'll be, she laughed. "If my parents are any evidence, [I'll] be the softest kitty cat. ... They come to our house and buy my kids presents and stuff them with ice cream and brownies. My prediction is that I'll be on the extreme soft end," she said.

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Has Tiger Mom gone soft? One year after the release of her controversial memoir, "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother," Amy Chua is back in the spotlight, reflecting on how overnight infamy affected her l...
Has Tiger Mom gone soft? One year after the release of her controversial memoir, "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother," Amy Chua is back in the spotlight, reflecting on how overnight infamy affected her l...
 
 
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02:30 PM on 02/02/2012
One year after the WSJ article, many many angry readers and apologitic comments from Chua, the only party did not apologize is WSJ. WSJ must know their headline "Why Chinese mothers are superior" is a twist from what Amy Chua wrote in her book. Here are the facts: the all mighty powerful WSJ can twist anyway they want; Americans cannot accept the possibility of they being the most superior being; and Amy Chua, even with her flashy professor job, is only a poor Chinese not acceptable to Amerticans.
06:08 PM on 01/25/2012
I cannot disagree with Chua's parenting philosophy more, or her philosophies she reffered to in her articles and book. I think she has opened up a very important discussion about parenting and paren't roles and expectations. Good to see how she is still developing and loosening up.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
carmenalex
STR8 AGAINST H8
12:18 PM on 01/15/2012
Cool, it means she's human and capable of making changes and compromise. I actually agree with her. Dicipline and teaching accountability and the importance of responsability is very important, and it looks like she got a hold of compromise. I very much doubt her kids are going to turn to drugs, getting pregnant during the teenaged years, etc....
04:09 PM on 01/13/2012
It seems to me that her approach was a bit too authoritarian. I have tried to take a bit more authoritative approach with my kids. I do not insist on perfect scores, rather I insist that they do their best. Homework must be done and done well before amusement. And video amusement (TV, movies, video games, etc) is time rationed as well. Reading is not time rationed, indeed it used to get them an extended bed time.

I am making sure that my kids have the necessary academic skills and work habits - I told them years ago that there were 2 standards they have to meet - mine and the schools, and mine may be higher at times.Waiting to the last minute is not tolerated. They have to work diligently and effectively - and they must take appropriately challenging courses - no slacking allowed.

I ran them (11 and 14) through a NRA rifle class last summer and will run them through basic pistol next month. My son does scouting. My 14 year old daughter is finishing up high school next semester (studying 30++ hours a week) and will be off to college next year in Engineering, probably via Running Start.She told me what she wanted to do. I have enabled her to do it.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
carmenalex
STR8 AGAINST H8
12:20 PM on 01/15/2012
Then you did your job! That extended bedtime trick to get kids into reading is a great idea, I'm doing that with my three year old, she loves her books.
05:57 PM on 03/19/2013
the difference is that a tiger mom assumes that their child's best is perfection
Satirist1
All 4 d best in the best of all possible worlds
11:13 AM on 01/13/2012
The biggest lesson to be learn from Asian parents is that kids can handle personal responsibility. That personal accountability produces rapid maturation process.
That the current culture of rewarding failure because it may allegedly make kids feel better about themselves has destroyed American primary and secondary education.
Many Asian, Hindu, Jewish immigrant parents ( to name but a few) understood it, coming from cultures dedicated to learning. Hence, all elite schools are filled with the representatives of those three superlative cultures.
Something to think about for those willing to face reality.
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PuertoRicanprincess
blah, blah, blah
09:38 AM on 01/13/2012
at least her kids won't become teen moms, drug addicts, alcoholics, whatever, with her being so "close" to them, but still, a little too harsh.
Satirist1
All 4 d best in the best of all possible worlds
11:12 AM on 01/13/2012
Precisely. And the music, analytical, personal fortitude, maturity, knowledge head-start that Dr. Chua help her kids to develop in their formative years are priceless and form a foundations for a successful future.

Great music technique, for example cannot be gained in later years, only in approx.5-15 year range. It's too late to start at 20.
Ditto for advanced mathematics ( very similar to music).; Most of the great mathematicians make their mark in their 20s.
That's all the parent can hope for and this what a child will be eternally grateful for in later years when she/he will forget all about a few missed sleep overs.
05:14 PM on 06/17/2012
But why does it have to be so fricking stereotypical and 19th century Victorian? There are rational reasons for not letting your kids goof off, or even go to sleepovers and of COURSE my kids will never "allowed" to get less than an A either especially in elementary school. But why not allow them to do the school plays? Is acting less of an art than music? Why did Ms. Chua believe that? Why must they do the stereotypical thing of doing violin and piano? I learnt piano for 10 years and I'm glad I did but I do wish my parents took me to the more socially "cool" guitar lessons as well!

And Satirist1 - thats not so true of mathematicians anymore, Fields' Medal rules notwithstanding. http://www.slate.com/articles/life/do_the_math/2003/05/is_math_a_young_mans_game.html
06:33 PM on 01/12/2012
I'm glad she's putting out the message that this isn't how a parent should raise their child forever...I grew up in an Asian home, just like this, and all in all, I became a teenager with low self-confidence- something I've only managed to start improving in early adulthood.
I guess every child will respond differently, but I really don't think any of these parenting methods make Chinese parents superior.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Susan Shaffer
watching you...
10:55 PM on 01/12/2012
...and I grew up in an anglo family that never pushed me and for a long time I had low self esteem.
What I found that the more things I try and get some level of competence then the more confident I became.
Some kids are born confident, some kids are born shy and overcome it, some kids are born shy and it dogs them all their life.
01:23 PM on 01/25/2012
Did you have low self-confidence or low self-esteem? I grew up in similar environment and while I had low self-esteem, I had high self-confidence. The self-esteem caught up during adulthood, when I realized just how incompetent most people are compared to me.
04:59 PM on 01/12/2012
Why does this woman have to explain or apologize for how she reared her girls? You might not agree with her style, I didn't either, but everyone has their own way of dealing with their kids. Some are lax, some are strict, BTW you'll find tiger moms in any culture -- Indian, Irish, German, Jewish, Arab, etc. I think at the time she was doing what she felt was best in terms of guiding, protecting, educating,
Satirist1
All 4 d best in the best of all possible worlds
04:46 PM on 01/13/2012
"Why does this woman have to explain or apologize for how she reared her girls? "

Because tolerance and celebration of mediocrity has completely altered American education.
More so than teachers, methodology or funding
Even socio-economic status isn't as important.

Fact: Many high school now consider "D" a passing grade.
Fact: Many of the same award honors status to students with 2.9GPA .
Fact: Many universities now offer remedial English and and arithmetic courses.
What these students are doing accepted at universities is another subject altogether.
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Nelson Montana
Artist, Author, Composer
05:36 PM on 01/13/2012
The opposite of mediocrity is not abuse.
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Nelson Montana
Artist, Author, Composer
09:07 AM on 01/14/2012
There's nothing more pathetic than someone who attempts to make a point simply by stating their own intellectual prowess -- especially when they exhibit so little. Sad. So please don't talk about what it's like to be a professional musician when you have no experience in the field. You can also stop talking about parenting when you have no children. You're so blatantly over your head in every way. Just being belligerent does not make you sound smart. That may work on the kids who must attend your classes but in the real world you just look like a fool. Get it together and maybe you can experience a happier life. I hope so.
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listgirl3
Always remember to tip your ninja.
12:48 PM on 01/12/2012
I wish I had a bit more "tiger mom" in me...but I feel we could all learn from each other anyway. No one has the perfect parenting method. I don't think there is any such thing. There are a lot worse things you could do to your kids than be super strict. But the best part about Tiger Mom is understanding her method, and taking some of those things away with you, and possibly see if your own methods could use some tweaking. Even if you don't agree with someone doesn't mean they are wrong, and doesn't mean there isn't something to be learned as well.
10:05 AM on 01/12/2012
The book was never meant to be a manual on how to raise our children. But the fact is that the more time you spend with your children, whether strictly or not, will impact the way your children perceive what is important to them and the attainable goals they can achieve.
And the stats show that this ideology in parenting makes for a better psychologically based child coming out of adolescence. In urban areas, 89% of Asian children move onto post secondary education where as only 67% of Caucasian children can make the grade. In rural areas in the US, the percentage for caucasians is much lower (there're very few Asians in rural USA), but in rural areas in Japan, over 80% of their children move onto higher education and almost half come back home to improve their surroundings.
02:58 AM on 01/12/2012
Nobody thought it was a manual, Amy. That's an awful excuse. I've read the whole book and the only thing the WSJ was guilty of was picking out the most controversial parts (and not all of it either). Those passages were not out of context and are just as ridiculous in the book.

I am, and grew up with many traditional Asian immigrants with strict parents. Most of us turned out to be stereotypically "successful" Asians (University degree, high paying job etc) and none of our parents threatened anything like what Amy Chua did. The controversial parts of her book are controversial because they serve no disciplinary purpose, only being abusive. The only reason she dubbed her techniques "Chinese mom" is because she's counting on sheepish people to support her just because she invoked Chinese-ness. Not gonna work on me, sorry.
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MarcEdward
likes all cats more than most people
05:14 PM on 01/11/2012
translation - she's trying to sell her paperback, so she changes her tune.
NOPE, still not buying.
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
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01:29 AM on 01/12/2012
Me neither.

And this photo of her making air quotes (presumably around "I've changed a lot," wink, wink) is probably an unintentional expression of the truth.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Sofia Champion
The future is now.
04:02 PM on 01/11/2012
She's disgusting. Of course if you beat a skill into someone for four hours a day they'll get good at it. Of course if you take all their freedoms away from them should they not succeed, they'll have motivation. If you treat a kid like crap but tell them you're doing what's best for them and that they MUST love you because you're their mother, they'll probably cling to your ankle and tell you you raised them right because you told them everything else is wrong.

I would never, ever take parenting advice from someone whose children never experienced what it's like to be a child.
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Susan Shaffer
watching you...
05:16 PM on 01/11/2012
well, the analogy would be your immersion in English language 16 hours a day to the point that you are now fluent.
Any skill requires that you give 10,000 hours to become proficient. That could be sport, music, lanugage or writing software code. Any "professional" in any field will tell you that they were very focused on their field and put in a lot of practice.
You can guide your child where you might think they have strengths. You might also want to focus them on their weaknesses.
The book wasn't parenting advice. It was a memoir about her experience and in the final chapter she admitted that she backed off. One year down the track she has expanded on her final chapter in the book.
Read it before commenting.
11:22 AM on 01/12/2012
Not only is what Sofia Champion exactly right, but I also wonder where is the FATHER in all this foolishness.

I don't care who (she thinks) she is, if ANY woman treats any child of mine even HALF this badly, someone (besides me and/or my child) WILL get hurt.
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Nelson Montana
Artist, Author, Composer
04:01 PM on 01/11/2012
I teach music and can say for certain, someone in their 20's learns much faster than a child of 7 or 8. The toughest thing about learning an instrument when older is A: you have less time to devote to it. And B: You know how bad you sound! But if you can get past those two things, you can learn far more from ages 21-25 than you can from ages 5 to 9.
08:40 PM on 01/11/2012
Part of learning at 7 or 8, whether it's a musical instrument, a language, whatever, is simply HOW to learn. How to study, how to work. diligence and discipline, keeping focus and putting in the miles are skills in and of themselves. A musical instrument is a great venue for this learning, because the kid can see, (hear) results of their practice.

IMHO, the goal for children earning a musical instrument is not to create the next Beethoven, that's not likely, but teach them how to focus on something work hard to achieve something tangible and expand their horizons/appreciate the wonderful world of music and get those connectors in their brains going.
Satirist1
All 4 d best in the best of all possible worlds
11:01 PM on 01/11/2012
“re."I teach music and can say for certain, someone in their 20's learns much faster than a child of 7 or 8."
This opinion is refuted by entire body of musical pedagogy and child development.
Those who begin music study at the age of twenty hit a technique ceiling rather quickly and incapable of progressin­g beyond certain, rather amateurish level.
The glass ceiling is primarily cognitive in nature.
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Nelson Montana
Artist, Author, Composer
11:34 PM on 01/11/2012
Well, you're wrong.
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
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05:35 AM on 01/12/2012
On this, I agree with you wholeheartedly.
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Olivio
Why are the republicans waging a war on women??
02:14 PM on 01/11/2012
She is still silly.
Satirist1
All 4 d best in the best of all possible worlds
03:17 PM on 01/11/2012
There are many ways to describe her. "Silly" most definitely not one of them.
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Nelson Montana
Artist, Author, Composer
04:01 PM on 01/11/2012
How about cruel and idiotic?