COMEDY
01/12/2012 03:50 pm ET

Grover Norquist Tax Orgy: 'The Onion' Breaks Corporate Income Tax Affair (VIDEO)

"I engaged in a week-long, drug-fueled orgy with corporate income taxes."

It doesn't get any more cut and dried -- or shocking -- than that.

Founder of Americans for Tax Reform, Grover Norquist has been outed by "The Onion" as carrying on a sordid fling with taxes*.

The paper reported Thursday that scandalous photos had surfaced revealing a decades-long affair between Norquist and his sworn enemy. Later that day, Norquist appeared in front of cameras admitting all of the salacious details.

Over the last 28 years, I have carried on multiple affairs with numerous kinds of taxes; income taxes, sales taxes and, even, estate taxes.... I was leading a selfishly double life, buying presents for and taking exotic trips with capital gains taxes and transfer taxes. In 2004, I engaged in a week-long, drug-fueled orgy with corporate income taxes, a decision I now wholeheartedly regret. And in 2010, at the height of my misconduct, while in Paris, I strongly flirted with a European style value-added tax.

Signers of Norquist's "Taxpayer Protection Pledge," included current GOP presidential hopefuls, have yet to respond to Norquist's shocking announcement.

*As a reminder, "The Onion" is a satirical newspaper and this is a fake scandal. Norquist is a long-time fan of "The Onion," and is well-regarded as having a fine sense of humor. This would seem to prove it.

ALL-ALSO-ON-HUFFPOST

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