Heidi Klum And Seal Divorce Over This 'Deal Breaker,' What's Yours?

Heidi Klum is leaving Seal, her husband of seven years, but not for the reason many celebrities split. According to TMZ, individuals close to the couple say infidelity was not to blame, but rather Seal's temper: "Seal's inability to control his anger has become too much for Heidi to take, in no small part because it's affecting their children." The two were raising four kids together: Leni, 7, from Klum's previous relationship, Henry, 6, Johan, 5 and Lou, 2.

The couple was known for their public displays of affection, lavish Halloween parties and annual renewal of their marriage vows, so news of the separation was received with shock, the Telegraph reported.

If it's true that Seal's temper caused the split, it sounds like anger, for Klum, was a deal breaker that outweighed her spouse's good points. Dr. Bethany Marshall argued in her 2007 book, "Deal Breakers," that recognizing what you can't take is a good thing. "Identifying your deal breaker ... holds out the possibility of helping you to understand where the relationship has gone wrong, what needs to be done in order to make it better, and when to walk away because you're doing more work than him to fix it," she wrote.

It's worth noting, however, that a person's deal breakers can change based on her experiences, at least according to dating expert April Beyer. Beyer told CBS News in a 2009 interview: "If you are looking for, at 45, what you were looking for at 25, then you might have a problem." She identified the most common deal breakers for men as a woman who who is extremely independent (interesting, considering that TMZ also suggested Klum's entrepreneurial success might be a factor in the split), inflexible, or who doesn't take care of her appearance (probably not the issue here). Women's most common deal breakers, Beyer said, are a man being too frugal, lacking an overall plan, and cheating or lying.

What are your relationship deal breakers? Do you ever worry that you're giving up a good thing over something that bothers you now but might not bother you later on? Tweet @HuffPostWomen with hashtag #MyDealBreaker and let us know what you won't stand for in a relationship.

Comments

[Macks62]

07:39 AM on 06/06/2012

This really makes me wonder. My ex had borderline personality disorder (which we didn't discover until a year in- a year too long), and he was verbally abusive, had a huge temper, was manipulative, lied chronically, but on the outside seemed incredibly sweet and intelligent, and he was passionate and fun most of the time, and you would never know what he was like behind closed doors. Plus the real ugly didn't come out until many months into the relationship, which is part of their MO. I have learned since then that personality disorders are far more common than we think, with as much as 15% of the population having some degree of PD. I really wonder with some of these celebrity breakups if that's what's going on here. But of course for legal reasons it will never come out. Some really really shocking stuff can go on behind closed doors without anyone knowing, especially in the case with someone with borderline or narcissism. And let's not even talk about sociopaths. Anyway, really makes me wonder....

[Bigg Daddee]

07:34 PM on 03/02/2012

My dealbreaker is if the woman I'm with likes to get get-banged in public.

[mideeone]

10:02 AM on 02/02/2012

Wow, he certainly never came across as a violent or verbally abusive, angry person. He's very soft spoken and intelligent during interviews. I guess one can never tell ... so sad. Especially for their kids. Maybe counseling would help, or maybe they've already tried and it's too late.

[Bleu Lorax]

01:53 AM on 02/02/2012

I recently ended a long-term relationship and there were several deal breakers. We were together 22 years and although he kept saying he would, we never married. He has 2 adult children in their forties who completely rule his life and are rude to me. He gives money to his wealthy children for things that are not necessities and allows us to go without. He lies about the amount of money he gives to them and when he was late because he was doing work at one of their homes, he would lie about where he was and what he was doing. I didn't mind that he isn't very attractive or that he's extremely overweight. I didn't mind that he can barely read and write. I was even able to overlook the fact that he has a very retracted, small penis. I simply hate his children.

[JumpStreet1983]

02:18 PM on 03/19/2012

Bleu, I have great sympathy for you. Most would have walked after 5 years of broken promises. It took you 22 years, but you finally got the courage to see through his lies and foolishness. The downside is that 22 years of your life were wasted, to a certain degree, on waiting for a marriage that would never come to fruition.

If his children are in their 40's, then you must be in your 70's or 80's? You are in your golden years, so move on and don't look back. You have plenty of life lessons and wisdom under your belt. Don't let yourself hate his children, because that will just prevent you from healing. Who knows? The final love of your life may be just around the river bend.

[maluna]

11:30 AM on 01/29/2012

Deal breaker for men: not keeping in shape, not doing his fair share of housework/child care, disrespectful, liar.

[KingGlorious]

07:22 PM on 01/28/2012

Deal breaker-

She does not know what it means to be a real woman.

[Jeseta]

03:55 PM on 01/29/2012

Sounds like you are an expert. Tell us more oh wise one.....

[maegnasbelegurth]

03:17 PM on 02/01/2012

You might have a point... wonder what the "real" reason is. It always seemed (and still seems) he was completely devoted to her... he makes money, has a very humble personality, writes songs for and about her, was willing to have a family...this "temper" really must have gotten to the point where it was violent. Seal still wears his wedding ring; I don't think she does.

[PuertoRicanprincess]

09:59 AM on 01/28/2012

Deal breakers

1.shorter than 5'9" (i'm 6'1")
2. older than 45
3. (time consuming careers) if he's gonna be 20 hours working, i don't want him
4. Extremely anti social( there are times that it's good to be at home instead of a party or meeting but all the time? nope
5. no ambitions whatsoever
6. anti marriage( i wanna marry and i will marry)
7. he doesn't wanna be a dad(too bad for you,,I DO wanna become a mom)
8. a mama's boy(hahaha, i wouldn't even think about it)
9. Vain, conceited,self centred, selfish, whatever
10. abuser(mental or physical)
11. alcoholic(not before, not now) drug addict(hell no, if you were and now you are not good for you but i won't deal with you if you have a relapse) i have seen how is that like in my family and not a chance i will
12. sex addict
13. not romantic(I'm not asking for a rose everyday, which would be nice lol, but not a single detail during the year, ufff, bye bye)
14. lazy at home( if you won't help me at home with chores you are not useful
15. gambler

I don't care about the physical part but i do have some restrictions.

my opinion :)

[nitnoisom]

08:23 PM on 01/29/2012

You are going to be single a looong time. Perhaps you should look into lesbianism.

[PuertoRicanprincess]

07:47 AM on 01/30/2012

I'm not single :)

[JumpStreet1983]

02:20 PM on 03/19/2012

LOL. We all want what we want, but concessions have to be somewhere. She will learn, in time. Humans are not perfect, and neither is she.

[zylone]

02:25 AM on 01/28/2012

the same thing happened with hulk hogan and his wife. these women today are weak as hell. get a prenup fellas. don't believe in the "i will love no other man but you" bs.

[zylone]

02:23 AM on 01/28/2012

its tough being a black man period, especially in hollywood. its good that they lasted as long as they did. but if she left seal then it shows that she truly didn't love the guy and is weak. anger happens in a relationship and i can't speak for everything because i don't know if seal was physically and verbally abusive to a distraught point but to make a marriage you shouldn't just give up on your partner. its the worse thing to do.

[Kingpleasure]

12:44 PM on 01/26/2012

Marriage is a deal breaker for me

[Bleu Lorax]

01:58 AM on 02/02/2012

King, you must pleasure yourself a lot.

[JumpStreet1983]

02:22 PM on 03/19/2012

It's the only way, Bleu, aside from a long-term investment in prostitutes.

[Amadahy]

09:11 AM on 01/26/2012

Many other posters have already listed things which are deal breakers for me. There is one more though which I haven't seen included.

The women with whom I've had extended relationships with like that I'm quiet, gentle, and a good man. But there seems to be this pervasive perception that because of these things, I'll also be a doormat, that I lack confidence, and that I won't advocate for myself. If someone doesn't respect you, then what do you have. It's a dealbreaker for me, if it doesn't change and after I've communicated over and over again that I won't stand for it. It's a continual and ongoing problem in my life with women.

[KittyMack]

11:50 PM on 01/27/2012

Interesting. What I thought of immediately is that you may be attracted to a certain kind of woman who reacts to your qualities in just that way. Food for thought.

[zylone]

02:29 AM on 01/28/2012

women are confusing. you never know what they want. they don't want a nice man, but they also don't want a man to put his foot down all the damn time. they want perfection and no man is perfect. thats why when you get married don't be like so many celebrities believing women when they say they love you and only you because its all a lie. some women already have it figured out that they will be with a man for a few years and then cheat on him. its in their nature. a real woman will stick by a mans side through thick and thin. through the arguments and the frustration. not leave him for a quick thrill. who leaves someone after 7 years of love and no infidelity. come on now.

[JumpStreet1983]

02:22 PM on 03/19/2012

Fanned and faved.

[Michele Sauers]

07:41 AM on 01/26/2012

My deal breakers are first and foremost physical/verbal abuse & having a secret relationship and falling in love with another.I could forgive infidelity depending on the circumstances,afterall everyone makes mistakes.A relationship, let alone marriage is difficult and constantly needs work to keep the spark alive and the continuation of mutual respect and friendship with each other.People tend to lose sight of those important things that make or break a relationship.

[micheleinmichigan]

05:47 AM on 01/26/2012

I have the standard deal breakers, no big lying, criminal activity, abuse, etc. Plus, no below the belt criticism, must like animals, must have a compatible sense of humor.

[rotinfx16]

02:07 AM on 01/26/2012

I won't be posting for a while. If she is free I gotta hit the gym and get this near 70 year old body in shape. Hot-Digity and Hubba Huhba

[kindcruelty]

10:24 PM on 01/25/2012

My deal breakers are pretty simple:

1. Falling in love with someone else. I could probably get past infidelity even, but if my husband were to truly love someone else, I don't think I could live like that.
2. Being abusive and refusing to get help for it. Some people have emotional problems and abuse is never ok. I would leave, though if he were to show true remorse and do some serious work on improving the issue (DV classes, anger management, counseling, family counseling etc.) I would most likely go back. Though if it happened again that would be it.
Those are pretty much the only two I can think of that would be absolute deal breakers for me in my marriage. Luckily I don't see either one happening. Of course, I am already married to a man who is compatible in other ways. If I were *looking* for someone my list of deal breakers would probably be longer in trying to find a compatible person.