Newt Gingrich's Living Dead Campaign Will Attempt One More Terrifying Re-Animation

With the Florida primary in the books and a triumphant Mitt Romney headed out to favorable settings -- like Nevada, Arizona, and Michigan -- loaded with momentum and flush with cash, we would, in ordinary circumstances, be saying that the 2012 GOP nomination is over. Just need to have the votes, count the delegates, and call it a primary season.

But we can't quite do that, can we? And the reason we can't is because Newt Gingrich remains in the race. And he's made it clear that he will stay in the race until his spirit is crushed and his body is ground to dust. He will get by on nothing more than roaring ego and implacable rage. And you believe him, because he does such a fine job convincing you that he believes it himself. And also because the media has spent the past few months training you to understand that Gingrich is one of the most unkillable things in politics. And terrifyingly so. As one Newt-observer related to Karl Rove, "He looks enraged. He looks like a man in a full ski-mask and a chainsaw in his hand."

Whether he has the nine lives of a cat or the cold, unthinking drive of a zombified ghoul, Gingrich has clawed his way back from the grave again and again. Wouldn't it be utterly banal if he did it again?

If there's one thing that HuffPost's Hunter Stuart makes clear in his video recap of the unkillable Newt Gingrich, it's that he feasts on your fear. And also on muffins.

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Comments

[Tyler Austin]

09:46 PM on 02/15/2012

Gingrich as Michael myers from Haloween and Pual as Freddy from Friday the 13th...
I`d watch that scrap.

[OLEGAR]

08:39 PM on 02/15/2012

Aint this fun ? ? ? ? The 4 clowns in the Fountain - bobbing for donations from the millionare dopes

[Anthrofreak]

06:46 PM on 02/15/2012

I guess he's waiting for another debate to save him. But he really can't be sure of that based on his last two performances #pwned

[PLT23]

06:33 PM on 02/15/2012

what a freak show!

[lNSCOUT]

06:25 PM on 02/15/2012

Who doesn't remember the Buchanan convention? The culture wars on full display......a thing of utter beauty in it's ugliness. And that was before the first chromatically challenged president. I'm sure the sheets are being pressed as I write this......I for one, can't wait to see the party of Lincoln implode.

From carpet baggers to tea baggers.....priceless.

[Mike Macguinness]

06:18 PM on 02/15/2012

In the remake of 'Dawn of the Dead' , when they are ontop of the mall blowing away zombie brains, this is extreme but Newt , sweetie , just lay down and sleep.

[Theo Barnes Dierks]

06:18 PM on 02/15/2012

Actually Callista looks like Chicken Lady from Kids in the Hall. No matter what, the general population won't accept her as 1st Lady, even if Newt had a tail to stand on. This has been one amazing race...I used to think politics was boring!

[Anna Maltese]

12:48 AM on 02/16/2012

Oh. My. God. The Chicken Lady. You totally just hit the nail on the head. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[ESerafina42]

06:15 PM on 02/15/2012

Oh, no - it's "The Return of the Angry Little Attack Muffin."

(Thank you, Peggy Noonan - you have justified your existence by coming up with that nickname!)

[LBA7895]

05:18 PM on 02/15/2012

Rove is wrong,

Knute looks like Chucky

Callusta looks like Bride of Chucky

[emariejon]

06:40 PM on 02/15/2012

Not sure if "Callusta" was a typo or divinely inspired, but I love it!

[LBA7895]

05:17 PM on 02/15/2012

Chucky and the First Tramp.

A marriage made in Heaven

NOT

[LBA7895]

05:16 PM on 02/15/2012

He is firming up his flagging campaign with $2 million to star in an ad produced by the maker of a certain male ED medication, that wants to penetrate the market for middle aged men cheating on their wives with 26 year old assistants. This pharma has been looking for the perfect couple, and Knute and Callusta have "been there and done that".
In the ad, when Callusta touches his arm to spark "any moment can turn romantic", the scene will morph into the Lincoln Bedroom at the White House.
Unfortunately, this opportunity didn't arise in time for the Super Bowl.

[krenzny]

04:47 PM on 02/15/2012

I'll say it again...Newt of the living dead!

[Dandy12]

04:44 PM on 02/15/2012

This is greart fun, reanimate Newt!!

[Tena]

03:57 PM on 02/15/2012

Ooo, maybe Rove is onto something - maybe Newt will go all Leatherface at the convention - take em all out with a chainsaw and eat their guts...I can see Santorum holding up a giant cross at Newt who takes it out with one mighty swipe of his angry muffintop and Santorum is left defenseless and devoured before our very eyes. I suspect that by then, Mitt will have sworn undying fealty to the Newtinator in return for his life and he'll become The Newt's slave.

Can't you see it?

[OLEGAR]

08:37 PM on 02/15/2012

Just wait till John Stewart gets ahold of that parody LOL

[Sylas Black]

03:19 PM on 02/15/2012

I am fine with him staying in the race as long as he promises not to leave until his body is ground to dust.