Mayim Bialik's Book, 'Beyond The Sling', On Attachment Parenting Is In Center Of Parenting Spotlight

Mayim Bialik, most commonly known as "Blossom" from the hit 90s sitcom, or more recently for her role in "The Big Bang Theory", has been in the spotlight for another reason -- her new book, "Beyond the Sling: A Real-Life Guide to Raising Confident, Loving Children the Attachment Parenting Way" is making waves. The actress, who also has a PhD in neuroscience, supports "attachment parenting" and chronicles what it's been like raising her two sons.

In the book, Bialik explains her idea of good parenting -- that mothers and fathers instinctively hold all of necessary tools to parent, and that following a child's natural rhythms is key. She told the LA times that essentially, the attachment method is:

"The notion that natural birth means something to the mother and the child. Breast-feeding is the natural, optimal way to feed a child. Sleeping with your child, wearing your child in a sling as opposed to pushing them around in expensive strollers, those are things that matter biologically and sociologically for the structure of a family."

Good Morning America deemed her method "the ultimate hug it out style of parenting" while highlighting some questionable tactics -- Bialik doesn't use diapers or formula and she won't hire a nanny or go on "date nights" with her husband.

Here on The Huffington Post's new debate platform, Change My Mind, Bialik defends the most controversial decision she's made: to co-sleep with her children.

DEBATE: IS IT OK TO CO-SLEEP WITH YOUR CHILDREN? YOU DECIDE.

Mayim Bialik's guide to what babies do and don't need from 'Beyond the Sling'

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• Baby Needs a Smooth Entrance: Birth

  "Many women feel the following way about natural birth: "I'm going to give it a shot, but if I <em>really</em> can't stand it, I'm going to the drugs; that's what they're there for." It's a staggering disservice to women to be told to "try" having a natural birth but be given insufficient resources, education, and support to make it happen. Natural birth is not something you <em>try</em>; it's something you learn about, prepare for, and succeed by completing it."

• Baby Needs Milk: Why We Breastfeed

  "Breastfeeding takes getting used to, not only because it involves fluid leaving your body (sometimes at angles not predicted by Newtonian physics) but also because it is more than just a way to feed your baby. It is a lifestyle and a philosophy, and I believe that understanding it as such will allow you to make the most educated decision about breastfeeding."

• Baby Needs To Be Held: How Will You Ever Get Anything Done Ever Again?

  "Babies need contact with us and with our bodies. We smell familiar, we sound good, and we feel right. They want to be held close <em>to</em> us, not simply <em>next to</em> us."

• Baby Needs Nighttime Parenting: Gentle Techniques and Co-sleeping

  "I have never owned a crib. Or a bassinet. We have one bedroom in our house. There are two mattresses in that bedroom. They are next to each other. One is a king-size. One is a full. We all sleep together. In one big bed."

• Baby Needs Potty: Elimination Communication

  "How did I avoid potty-training either of my boys? Easy! Babies are <em>born </em>potty-trained; it's the parents who need the training!"

• Baby Doesn't Need All That Stuff: Figuring Out the Essentials

  "It is my belief -- and many parents interested in a more natural parenting style agree -- that we intuitively know how to play with our babies in their first year. In fact, you probably already posses almost everything a baby needs in that first year."

• Baby Doesn't Need Unneccesary Medical Intervention: When (and When Not) to Call The Doctor

  "I have used acetaminophen (found in Tylenol) maybe six times in six years. I have never given my children ibuprofen (found in Motrin and Advil). I have never administered any medication for teething pain, nor have I ever used antibiotic ointment (found in Neosporin), antihistamines (such as Benedryl), cough syrups, or steroids (as in cortisone creams)."

• Baby Doesn't Need Pressure: Letting Kids Be Kids

  "The distinction between encouragement and pressure is not always clear. It is certainly implicitly clear that children should be encouraged not to say to Great-Aunt-Pearl, "You smell like rotten flowers and it makes me want to throw up." But is it necessary that we insist and enforce that young children use "please" and "thank you" all of the time?

• Baby Doesn't Need Punishment: Understanding Gentle Discipline

  "A common misperception about gentle discipline is that it encourages and allows children to do whatever they want; that they will rule the house and become spoiled and dictatorial tyrants who held us hostage with their every whim."

Comments

[Mom in Healthcare]

07:10 AM on 11/22/2012

Epidural anesthesia for labor benefits both mother AND child. Large amounts of stress hormones course through the mother's blood and reach and child, thereby causing dangerous srtess to the baby.. There are extensivive studies/data supporting these findings. This is Balak's first fallacy she pushes in her tome. Also. while breast feeding is certainly ideal during the first 6 weeks to 3 months, the baby has gotton all its immunity from the mother by that time, and transitioning to dilute rice cerearl, and gradually working to baby to other cereals/foods begin to make sense. (God giving them teeth should send a message. no? The problem with excessive attatchment parenting is the possibility of raising a child who is too dependant, and lacking his/her own development of self and confidence. All things in moderation, Ms Baylik!

[Locuta de Bjorg]

12:44 AM on 05/10/2012

Co-sleeping is Baylik's most controversial parenting decision?? Really?? IMO having her sons' genitals mutilated, the quintessential unnecessary "intervention" and a violation of the child's human rights, when she certainly should know about the negative effects of infant/early-childhood trauma thanks to her PhD in neuroscience -- hello! What a flaming hypocrite.
Rebedda Wald of "beyond the bris" has a good blogpost on this subject available at:
http://www.beyondthebris.com/2012/03/beyond-bris-on-beyond-sling-mayim.html

[geauxangel]

08:12 PM on 04/14/2012

Though I wouldn't practice this extreme form of ap...most of it just makes sense...feed on demand....cuddle and hold baby....I have two grown children and a one year old and co-sleeping is just what worked for us...there is no way I would go without diapers and "train" myself to run to a toilet every 15 min...if it works for you, then go for it..most of these parent debates are ridiculous...if a child is happy, loved and cared for, it shouldn't matter to complete srangers how that child is raised...parents should trust their insitncts and not raise their kids on the advice of bloggers...

[Tm1]

10:53 AM on 03/18/2012

One of the strangest postings/news? I've read in some time. Neuroscience Ph.D aside, this woman is unattached from the basic day in day out getting on with life necessities. Her lifestyle, which allows the luxury of this much down time to read into her childrens thoughts is far from pratical for the majority of parents. Good luck with the book...suspect we will see it on the $1 shelf in book stores in the near future.

[kelleyward]

12:18 PM on 03/15/2012

I love the book and think many of the suggestions she has are valid and useful. More and more studies are reporting how infants need more human contact and nurturing. I wrote about the Benefits of a Nurturing parent here if you are interested http://kelleyward.hubpages.com/_3u47dtkr7xqut/hub/How-Your-Child-Feels-Loved

[Caryn Banker]

09:13 PM on 03/14/2012

I don't really understand the whole uproar over co-sleeping. (?) We co-slept when our boys were new-borns, then they went to a crib. Partially, out of sheer lazzzziness, interest in everyone getting to sleep, and because we both loved cuddling them in bed; if they cried (not a whimper a full-on CRY!) I'd get up and take them back into our bed. When they were toddlers in Jr. beds, I'd lay down with them put them to bed, sing lullabies; if they had a bad dream they'd get up in the night and come to our bed. My husband and I both had had miserable experiences as children scared at night, unable to go to our parents' bed and terrified to go to sleep; we didn't want to do that to them and again the interest of everyone getting a good night's sleep.

On their own it trailed off; they stopped coming into our bed altogether at around 8 or 9 yrs of age. But even at 13 and 11, if they're scared at night, they call out to us from their rooms, "G'Night Mom, G'night Dad" just to reassure that we are there and all is well.

Somehow we manage to find plenty of time for each other and sexy-time. So far, seems to have worked.

Are the pro-and con co-sleepers thinking it is all or nothing? Is that why there is so much passion put into their positions?

[mrsbailey]

09:41 PM on 03/14/2012

I agree with you, I have raised my kids this way as well but I'm not in the "all or nothing" mind frame. If theyre scared they come sleep with me, their crib was in my room when they did use it, but i also used formula to supplement bc i did not produce enough milk and yes I used strollers. I don't get it either to be honest with you..... I did and have continued to do what works for my kids.

[Caryn Banker]

09:53 PM on 03/14/2012

Actually, I'll have to amend that: Even as newborns we had a Moses-basket next to my side of the bed and if I need a deep sleep or was over-tired, I could put them in it. We did the back and forth thing from the beginning.

[bluespagan]

09:20 AM on 03/14/2012

This is, for the most part, my parenting approach to my daughter who will be 10 months in a few days. I think that parents have a natural instinct to what their baby needs but tend to tune it out in favor of what the current trend of thought on parenting is. In the past 60-70 years women have been told that their bodies are not able to handle birthing or parenting. Formula has been promoted as a great and helpful alternative, and sometime even healthier food, to breastfeeding. Medications have been given for pregnancy as though it is a condition or illness rather than a natural process of life. I think it is great that a celebrity with credibility is writing on this topic. People tend to pay more attention to a well known face then some anonymous doctor. Maybe this will get the word out.

[momof2mom2B]

01:35 AM on 03/30/2012

I agree! We need to listen to our instincts as mothers and steer clear of the "trends". Instinct is king and I allow my kids to co-sleep as long as they want and they feel SAFER going into their own beds when they are ready (around age 4 has been standard). I love having my kids near! I avoid antibiotics unless there is no other solution. I do offer pain meds as I don't like to see my children in pain but only for fevers and teething, etc...just to keep them comfortable.

[Denalidog]

10:57 PM on 03/13/2012

I reared #2 this way, nursed him for 2 and a half years and the whole thing, sleeping in the family bed. Brought him up a Christian. In his 20s he moved to Arizona, eloped to Las Vegas, & converted to Judaism. Eventually he quit drinking, & got divorced. Is now a Buddhist, and covered with tattoos. Oh yeah, and he works for the federal government. any questions?

[Caryn Banker]

09:59 PM on 03/14/2012

Ha! Great post. Everyone eventually has to find their own spirituality. He will find what fits for him and it will be a true commitment not a 'blind-faith'. Good for him. How old is he now?

[Sloneczka86]

05:13 PM on 04/11/2012

It really doesn't make a difference, there is no "right" and "wrong"!

[wickedtwisted2]

04:59 PM on 03/13/2012

you know what? As a parent... I have learned a few things over the years... having operated (for over 10 years) a nanny/sitter service and having taken care of literally hundreds of kids over the years... I have observed many a family and their dynamics. Guess what I learned? You don't know what you have until they have grown UP. ALL THE WAY... and... I am finding that... the last couple of generations seemed to have matured at at much slower pace than previous. Oh, they want to be promiscuous earlier, but they don't want to be RESPONSIBLE for their decisions and lives for longer. And you never know how they're going to turn out until they do. All the planning in the world by the parents is a waste of time. Just enjoy each day as you can. You never know what tomorrow is going to bring.

[kskruck]

03:51 PM on 03/13/2012

I can't believe people are even making this an issue. and why is Huffington labeling this a "controversial" parenting? Nanny's are not necessary, a mother should raise her child plain and simple. and what's wrong with your child sleeping with you? I don't get it. Diapers are bad for the environment, strollers are overpriced and really not necessary. You go Mayim, I can't wait to buy your book!!

[mrsbailey]

09:34 PM on 03/14/2012

No nannys are not necessary but some parents work, have you thought about that?

[sassydoc9]

11:45 AM on 03/13/2012

Friends:
Please beware of a poster by the name of Heywood Merton who simpl goes around trolling boards to incite people without any real proof behind anything that he/she says. I am a board certified physician and yet this person continues to refer to me as not-a-doctor while the Huff Post monitors are allowing this. The person has no credentials on ANYTHING and is simply here as a trouble maker. If the Huff Post monitors would like, I'd be happy to provide them with my credentials. Please don't feed the trill.

[WWJJD]

01:45 AM on 03/14/2012

Done. Could you do the same for me in reference to Ashok Hegde, he has referred to my special needs child " as a useless child several times". I love how people like them can hide behind their computer and say horrible things they would never have the nerve to do in person.

[sassydoc9]

08:56 AM on 03/16/2012

I reported the above person as well. I would encourage Huff Post to get a block button so that we can block abusive posters. The person I reported, Heywood Merton, is still harrassing me but I am ignoring is comments. Still waiting for his credentials though.

[Heywood Merton]

03:04 AM on 03/14/2012

I'm afraid I'm not the only one who you successfully led to doubting your credentials based on your extraordinary lack of reasoning skills, including expecting these credentials to substitute for argumentation and promptly assuring yourself that anyone who disagrees with whatever pops out of your head is on some conspiratorial payroll. So let's have it, what were your MCAT scores?

[leelo06]

11:35 PM on 03/12/2012

How is this "attachment parenting" controversial? Let's see...people in other countries (think Asia, India) sleep with their babies (no cribs) and they are doing okay. Also in many other countries people don't use strollers. Do you think a woman living in rural China or Africa has an Eddie Bauer stroller? Nope. Before formula companies there was only one way to feed a baby..hmmm? Oh yea women would use those now extremely sexualized things called breasts to feed their children. My husband grew up in Ethiopia. He had never heard of someone taking their new born baby and putting it in a dark room by itself for hours at a time to sleep. Him along with his 8 siblings slept with their parents. All these "new" things are not new. They are very old and traditional. Westerners have just forgotten how to a family with intimate connections amongst them.

[marianproletarian]

05:30 PM on 03/13/2012

Hear, hear. These are things that just come naturally.

[JanetSnakehole]

03:44 PM on 03/12/2012

If this style of parenting works for you and your family, more power to you. That is wonderful! The problem I have is with parents (or anyone really) start telling other parents/parents-to-be that this is how you should raise your child, that this is the right way. The only right way to parent is the way that works for your family. If your child's needs are being taken care of and you are comfortable with your chosen parenting methods, then, in my opinion, you are doing it right.

I remember those first months after my son was born. I was so miserable because I was trying to do everything I read, everything experienced mothers told me. I was terrified to screw up. I finally had to let go and parent the way that came naturally to me. I think that is what it boils down to, doing what feels right for you, your partner and your children.

[marianproletarian]

05:44 PM on 03/12/2012

Yes, this.

[Aidaliz Abreu]

11:55 AM on 03/15/2012

you could not have put it in better words!!!!

I agree with some things that she is pointing out but some things just arent for everyone! with the first thing ummm i had a horrible birth experience to where i had an emergency c-section and trust me i would have done anything for a natural birth, I agree with the sleeping part, and if you have used ibuprofen that little times more power to you but some kids just arent like that my son started teething at 4 months and three teeth at once and with a full time job and school im sorry but i do use the time out method and it works magic with my son!

every kid is different and so is every parent no style of parenting is wrong or right

[Mrs Robinsons]

08:20 PM on 03/11/2012

I wonder if attachment parenting
wasn't
pushed into us
a bit too much in this generation of parents...
I look back on how much attachment parenting I was practicing
with my child in the early 2000's...
without really feeling it was comfortable for me...
it was almost a mechanical drive to attachment parent..
a la Blossom..
yuk...
my parents raised me in a very comfortable..attached home..
but they were not like hippies..
I get sick looking back and
realising I became a hippy for awhile without really intending to.

[WWJJD]

07:39 PM on 03/12/2012

Attachment Parenting is NOT "becoming a Hippy".

[CBYOND]

01:10 AM on 03/11/2012

Contraversy Montravery everything somebody does somebody got a problem with it .. you don't parent right .. you parent too much ... you need to parent this way and that aaaaw geeese live & let live.

[Fenrir Lokison]

12:19 AM on 03/12/2012

And that is the true issue. Why are people so into how others are raising their children...Well at least on petty things like, "co-sleeping" with kids. There have been mothers who breast feed think kids at 5 years old. Here are the things I would be more concerned by...

1. Is the child being given a good home?
2. Is the child receiving the physical, emotional, mental, and financial support they need?
3. How they are adjusting to the world around them?
4. Are they able to interact with others on a healthy level?

You, the things that help them to become secure and productive adults should they leave home or when/if their parents leave this mortal coil.

[CBYOND]

02:11 PM on 03/12/2012

If you have children & abide by your list 1-4 bless you! you sound like an excellent parent if you don't have children you at least know what to do. I like the term "mortal coil" ;)