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Jennifer Bendery
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New Guide Helps Members Of Congress Change Public Position On Gay Marriage

Posted: 03/15/2012 6:26 pm Updated: 03/15/2012 6:32 pm

WASHINGTON -- Things just got a little easier for members of Congress who may want to publicly endorse same-sex marriage but don't know how to explain their past positions against it.

Third Way, an influential centrist Democratic group, on Thursday provided a new memo to all House and Senate lawmakers' offices that gives advice on how to change positions on the issue without being called a dreaded "flip-flopper." It outlines three rules that will help ensure a smoother transition in support of marriage equality: share a personal story about the people in your life who have influenced your position, emphasize that marriage is about a commitment instead of rights, and allow that other people's views may be "changing at a slower pace" but that they, too, could come around soon.

"We hope this will be helpful as more and more politicians feel the urge to 'evolve' from supporting civil unions to allowing committed gay couples to marry," said Lanae Erickson, Deputy Director of Social Policy & Politics at Third Way.

The memo also encourages lawmakers not to use the terms "gay marriage" or "same-sex marriage," but instead, "marriage for gay couples" or “allowing gay couples to marry." Avoiding adjectives before the word "marriage" helps to reinforce that gay couples are seeking the same kind of marriage, the memo states.

Lawmakers should also "exercise caution" in comparing the push for same-sex marriage to the civil rights movement and the fight for interracial marriage, the memo says. "This direct comparison can hurt more than it helps, by causing people to think about the differences between the experiences of African Americans and LGBT people, not the similarities."

Erickson said Third Way sent one more copy of the memo to someone just down the street from Capitol Hill: President Barack Obama, who maintains that he is still "evolving" on the issue.

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WASHINGTON -- Things just got a little easier for members of Congress who may want to publicly endorse same-sex marriage but don't know how to explain their past positions against it. Third Way, an...
WASHINGTON -- Things just got a little easier for members of Congress who may want to publicly endorse same-sex marriage but don't know how to explain their past positions against it. Third Way, an...
 
 
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
JohnInDallas
John R. Selig - Writer, Photographer & Podcaster
11:50 PM on 03/17/2012
This is good!
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
John Crane
04:27 PM on 03/17/2012
Just give them a menu from the Waffle House.
10:07 PM on 03/17/2012
Careful there, that one has a bit of syrup on it...
02:30 PM on 03/17/2012
i realize that the only way to speak to stupid people is on their level, but,dammit---the 14th Amendment guarantees equal protection under the law!
and that governmental representatives cannot simply state that and then act on it---well...dammit!
10:07 PM on 03/17/2012
I agree with you in principal CRandallB....but you know how it goes with some of these good folks. They need to be taught how to lead. ;)
02:32 PM on 03/18/2012
yes...my frustration level at this doublethink truthspeak stuff just short-circuits my logic patterns and I start to sputter and I truly believe I can smell smoke.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
ennis438
08:48 AM on 03/17/2012
It is not the business of government to support or not support gay marriage. Gay marriage should be a legal option for all. Nobody should force their will on anyone else. It is not the duty of "religious" bigots to order their thinking on others. Period.
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golions
Real Americans drink coffee, not tea.
04:42 PM on 03/16/2012
Back in the '90s when the Hawaii Supreme Court ruling first brought same sex marriage to national attention, one of my closest friends' initial reaction was "What? No!"

She's Catholic, middle of the road politically, with a degree from a Catholic university. I'm Unitarian Universalist. She was speechless for a moment when she learned that my church had performed same sex weddings for most of my life. So we talked about it.

When two people love each other and want to spend their lives together, we think that's a beautiful thing. That's my religion anyway. There are plenty of other things in the world that do actual harm and are worth getting upset about. This doesn't hurt anybody.

She thought about that for a moment, and really couldn't see any harm at all either. Her opinion shifted that day.

And that's how it happens. One conversation at a time.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Talossa
Liberal. Pro-Israel. Recovering atheist.
07:05 PM on 03/16/2012
Indeed. I was raised as a liberal democrat, and an atheist, by my parents. But I was also raised homophobic. I felt justified in that position, for a while, after my conversion to Mormonism in my late teens.

My wife, on the other hand, was raised Methodist by conservative Republican parents, but emerged from all that as more liberal than me on Gay issues, thanks to her volunteer work with AIDS patients and conversations with friends.

After we married, my best friend 'came out' and I found out my wife was more comfortable with it than I was. Needless to say, they 'worked on' me. After a lot of conversations, I came to the same conclusion as your wife -- a conclusion reinforced by my gradual realization that real Christianity has no room for bigotry. So I embraced equality, became Episcopalian, and we all lived happily ever after.

Now let's get DOMA repealed.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Norcal2
Rimmon Diplomacy
08:36 AM on 03/17/2012
We all change...thats part of living and growing as people.

I was raised in a homophobic family of 8, and when I came out, my family went through a huge transition.

Its all about education and seeing the humanity of people who are different.

Life is better with an open mind.
04:38 PM on 03/16/2012
So basically this memo was written by a bunch of out of touch fearful self hating old folks.

Nobody calls anybody a flip flopper when it comes to civil rights unless the person calling them that is a bigot.

Comparisons to gay marriage were EXACTLY what Mrs. Loving from the Loving v. Va. case AND Coetta Scott King did. I guess the group will be attacking them for that comparison?

The Dems need to stop being afraid to be Dems.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Talossa
Liberal. Pro-Israel. Recovering atheist.
07:06 PM on 03/16/2012
Bash people who are trying to see things your way -- the classic approach of the extremist.
07:48 PM on 03/16/2012
Their fearful attitude is what held gay rights back for two decades. Grass roots advocates came out with an in your face style and in two years got DAADT repealed and now the Dems are talking about putting gay marriage in their plank. Something that never would have happened under the "Please don't hate me" attitude of this group. Your attitude is the attitude of somebody who has no worries so doesn't care about other people.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
BooBoo Bob
Snark is my life.
02:38 PM on 03/16/2012
Seriously? Use Marriage Equality and be done with it. Get rid of that unconstitutional POS DOMA and let's get on to more important things, shall we?
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Bob Kellerman
Let's have more sanity toward each other
06:57 PM on 03/17/2012
WORK HARD TO ELECT DEMOCRATS

TALK TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
One Hit Wonderful
01:11 PM on 03/16/2012
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. Marriage IS about rights. Jesus Christ - who are these IDIOTS that put this out? The courts for YEARS have ruled that marriage is a right. The LGBT community are being denied that right - and the benefits granted by the GOVERNMENT for those people that are in a civil marriage. What kind of moronic argument is "marriage is about commitment and not rights"?
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Angel1999
Microbiologist & Historian
02:38 PM on 03/16/2012
They're not suggesting that it's not a right. They are arguing that it will bring better results to frame the argument in terms of commitment.
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HUFFPOST PUNDIT
StopThePlanet
Outlaw stupidity and only outlaws will be stupid
03:59 PM on 03/16/2012
Exactly. You can never tell someone what to think.  You have to allow them to come to the right conclusion by presenting an argument that only a fool would not agree with.
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TBJ
Irrelevent Blurb
04:27 PM on 03/16/2012
But I've read plenty of posters that will bullishly state: "Well, fine, then be committed to each other, but don't call it a marriage!"

They can use the commitment argument, but they're going to have to back that up with proof that civil unions are never the equal of marriage.
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
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10:56 AM on 03/16/2012
Ok here I Go! The President Can't get rid of DOMA with a Signing Statement. The Priest was not wrong for Refusing Communion.... The Catholic Church is for having Canon 915 that goes against Christ Teaching at the washing of the Feet by Mary.
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
11:11 AM on 03/16/2012
Well, aren't you just a wonderful human being.........NOT.
Take your bigotry and homophobia elsewhere. Small minds come up with nasty small things.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Skeptical Cicada
12:19 PM on 03/16/2012
Nothing in your comment has anything to do with this story. Were you just looking for a convenient spot to spew bigotry?
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
StillAmused
Some mayo on that troll, please...
08:44 AM on 03/16/2012
New Guide Helps Members Of Congress Change Public Position On Gay Marriage: RESIGN and make way for an enlightened successor.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
ATLJunBug
12:22 AM on 03/16/2012
Which ever term you decide to use, get on with it. Do the right thing.

STANDING BY PRESIDENT OBAMA IN 2012
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Razpooten
Nil homini certum est
01:40 AM on 03/16/2012
Darn tootin'!
09:33 PM on 03/15/2012
Yes.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
themightyabealrd
screw the real world-I'm an artist!
09:06 PM on 03/15/2012
I think 'marriage equality' is the best term. A couple of years ago I had a fierce argument with a nephew, who claimed gay folks were asking for 'special rights'. I said "No. It's you and me who've had special rights-nobody's ever denied us the right to marry the one we love. Making a right available to everyone makes it less special."
We haven't spoken of this matter since, but I know he got my message, even if he disagrees.
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USAGramma
Somewhere in dog heaven Seamus wags his tail ;o)
09:21 PM on 03/15/2012
You are a very wise person. I admire your choice of words. F&F
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
KAYLEE BURRIS
54 ,FLA ,LOVING LIFE ,TRANS, LALL
01:10 AM on 03/16/2012
good point themighty F&F
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
420
wilderness is my church
09:04 PM on 03/15/2012
A white middle aged conservative making a call on how a woman should act. Is this what they voters in 2010 wanted?
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ILoveFiction
That's unbelievable!
08:43 PM on 03/15/2012
Equality is for everyone.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
KAYLEE BURRIS
54 ,FLA ,LOVING LIFE ,TRANS, LALL
12:02 AM on 03/16/2012
good post F&F
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Razpooten
Nil homini certum est
01:36 AM on 03/16/2012
Xactly!